To be fuming at my mum over birthday present?

[SilverSeat]

DDs birthday on Wednesday. My mum asked me ages ago what she wanted and I said “well all she keeps going on about is this princess castle so I’m getting her that”. My mum said “oh can I get her that? I don’t know what else to get her”. I said “it’s expensive though, £80” my mum said “oh that’s fine!”.

now my mum has form for buying the complete opposite of what you’ve told her so I showed her a picture of it, the make, where to buy it etc - she said that’s fine. I said “ok if you’re definitely getting her that exact castle (it had to be that one as her cousin has it and DD is obsessed with it, as I explained) I’ll get her the electric car”.

i bought the car £80. My mum called yesterday and said she’d got the castle - great. She then added “it was a bargain! It was only £25!” My heart sank … I said “it can’t have been, where did you get it from??” And she told me the name of this shop. I asked her to send me a photo?” So she did …

it’s the complete opposite of what I showed her. It’s a grey medieval castle with soldiers and cannons etc. I said “I told you it was the pink princess castle!” And she said “Her dolls will fit in it though”

FFS

DD thinks she’s getting the princess castle and is so excited, now I have to go out and buy the bloody thing after already buying the car. My mum is “upset” that I’m replacing her present. She used to do this kind of shit to me when I was a kid and I’m not allowing DD to go through it. She cocked up one of her Christmas presents in the same manner. AIBU to be really fucking annoyed and AIBU to replace the present?

Id rather she didn’t buy her a present at all then at least I’d know what to buy!!

She,s a little girl.who wants a pink castle was so wrong with that ?
I'm all for kid having a choice if toys,to play with but I would ,not make their birthday a,learning experiencem

YANBI for being upset and I would be too but YABU for continuing to have expectations and depend on her if she has form for this.

Next time tell her something small she can get for DD and you get what you want for DD.

Ignore the idiots going on about why your DD wants a pink castle, if that’s what she wants then that is what she wants.

No issue with that being what the child wants. I was responding to the poster suggesting that grey and boysie was unacceptable!

FIL does this. You tell him what you want and he uses his initiative and gets something similar but not actually what you want e.g. silver necklace he'll get gold, guitar he'll get a banjo. It's wearing.

Now DH buys it himself and asks FIL for the money. FIL still tries to use his initiative e.g. buys white wine when DH has told him he's got me a bottle of red wine from FIL. So much of FIL's gifts go to the PTA tombolas throughout the year! Total waste of money. And actually zero thought.

Take the car back and get the castle instead. Suggest your mum gets some smaller accessories to go with it.

Why do so many posters think drawing a line requires going nuclear.

As the old expression goes, there is a difference between scratching one’s bum and tearing it

Tell ma a gift that's not super important next time ( but let her think it is).

Op isn't forcing pink on her dd.

Her dd has asked for a specific item which just happens to be fucking pink.

I've seen posts of here from fully grown women who've recieved something the opposite of what they've asked for and they've been extremely pissed off/upset about it.

A 5 year old would be extra upset!

Next time give her ideas that aren’t so important if she goes off piste.

Again, what is wrong with something that's 'pink and pretty'?

DD (4) got dressed up this morning in a pink dress with every single hair accessory she has shoved onto her head put on her purple nail polish and went to go play with her construction vehicles It doesn’t have to be one thing or another.

But yeah don’t trust your mum to ever get any gifts ever.

I understand where you are coming from, i would be the same !

You know you can't rely on your mum don't you. She's selfish and obviously thought she'd save herself some money.

I’m sure your dcs aren’t entitled sunset, as after all there are a million little things that go into raising a child and it doesn’t all turn on gift policy.

However I am still horrified by the memory of my best friend aged around 9 shouting at her mum when she got an alternative gift “ But you SAID I’d GET it!!!”

I’ve always preferred to do what I was brought up with, which was being asked what I’d like but then having to “ wait and see.” For me ( and I think my dcs) it actually made it more exciting; but also there are many reasons ( cost, availability, revelation of what grandparents have chosen to give etc) that can cause a parent to need to deviate and I’d rather my dcs saw it as what it is, a gift, rather than the fulfilment of some obligation undertaken on my behalf that they expected.

We aren’t mean; our dcs usually get at least the couple of most “wanted” items. But we make the call and one of our dcs tends to ask for a lot more, so may not get all the list, whereas the less greedy might!

"No issue with that being what the child wants. I was responding to the poster suggesting that grey and boysie was unacceptable"^*
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They were not making the point that grey and boysie was unacceptable to all girls in general, just in this instance it was pretty much the opposite of what OP was intending to buy her daughter.
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Tbh I voted yabu, only because sounds like she has form for this, so can’t understand why you would have trusted her with getting the right present.

You know your own mother yet your somehow surprised she didn't pull through for you. Misplaced faith has caused the issue here.

OP, I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be annoyed, but I don’t know why you trusted her to do it, if this is what she does.

Also, I get you not wanting to disappoint her, but it sounds like there’s a big focus on gifts your kid.

I kinda did a mix of things. I didn't really go in for writing letters to Santa or making lists of what they wanted. I picked up on what they wanted (still do!) during normal conversation and made a mental note mostly. I also know the kind of things they like. So they didn't know most of what they were getting and they've always been happy with what they got. I remember eldest aged 4 excitedly telling everyone she was getting "a Barbie like a Princess!" She got more things than that! I basically decided what they were getting rather than them asking, IYSWIM?

I lost both parents when my children were very young, and ILs were pretty useless, so really all presents came from us and I probably did over-compensate a bit. We always told them that mum and dad had to pay Santa too, so there were no flights of fantasy!

I always have made sure they get the same number of presents and close enough to the same amount spent. I used to do that (not so much now they're older) with things like books packaged separately or together to make the numbers up or down! I was quite proud of myself one year when I got two of them within 50p of each other!! Youngest DC literally rarely asks for anything.

My parents were the opposite of OP's mum. They used to plot and plan what to get them, before they even knew they wanted the things, like the latest Nintendo DS! They adored the kids, and would have got the moon out of the sky for them, if they thought they wanted it!

You knew yiour Mum well and still trusted HER tobuy the most important gift.
Exchange the car for the castle and learn for next time.

However, I personally think that DD would get a lot of fun out of the boysy grey castle and the car.

I don't think that's the case. OP is far from unreasonable in being annoyed with her mother. Nobody wants to see their young child disappointed on their birthday.

Re the pink thing - my son loved pink as a small child!! Wanted lipstick and the works. Gave him Chapstick and said it was boy lipstick (flame me now!) His siblings used to put long-haired wigs on him and dress him up! Straight adult now and has left the pink phase in the past. Eldest was a pink girl, so DC2's signature colour was purple. They loved Bob the Builder and played with Thomas the Tank engine trains and tracks. The most popular toy in our house with all three was the Fisher Price kitchen.

Can't be doing with lazy stereotypes!

She might but it's not what she wants. She loves her cousin's castle?

The castles could be neighbours and be a lot of fun.

I’m a bit anti pink if it’s the only choose marketed.

However this isn’t what the thread is about.
well done @SilverSeat for doing what’s needed to ensure your daughter has a good birthday. It’s fortunate you have the means to do so and can replace your mums crap lack of thought!

With two castles, your daughter will have a ball.

Even better than one.