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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Incident with school teacher and children

156 replies

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:07

AIBU?

long ish story.

My child 1 went out to play one afternoon after school, had been out the house for between 5-10 minutes and had pre arranged to go to B’s house (classmate KS2)

I’d been in A&E and am in a leg brace/ can’t weight bare had been home an hour (just as kids where getting home from school)

my other child 2, school year younger was playing with 2 friends (also pupils) on our garden in eyesight of the front door and are well aware of who Miss X is - Miss X is the TA for child 1 & child B’s class.

Child 2 comes flying into the house shouting ‘mum mum Miss X is here’ (i won’t lie at first I thought I was hallucinating from the medicine given me to earlier)
so I say ‘okay just tell her I’m coming but I’ll be a moment because of my leg’

Miss X’s child is renowned for maliciously commenting on the food/condiments other school pupils are eating from the school lunch hall (causing my child to not eat at school for around 2 weeks and the school to raise their concerns over my child not eating) She has very little friends and there has been previous run in’s between her and my child 1 with both girls being told to stay away from each other. And obviously rumour has is this child does this to numerous children and they all avoid her like the plague.

hobbled to the front door on two crutches to see indeed Miss X and her two children stood outside my front door, she then walks into the kitchen (uninvited!) with her two children and says ‘do you know what this is about?’ With one of her children in what id call melodramatic ‘floods of tears’, I say no?
she goes on to tell me that she won’t have her child bullied ganged up on and sworn at, and that my child 1 has been swearing at her child and tries to show me some voice notes on Snapchat from another child’s account (the child my child 1 has gone to play with) Miss X is then explaining there’s a class Snapchat account and had been an incident the day before with her child being bullied - I call my child 1 and her friend child B to come to my house immediately (they did, 2 doors down 20 second walk) both children (child 1 & child B) look absolutely gobsmacked, I ask them what’s been going on? What is this all about? Neither of them have much of an answer at that time, my child 1 is told to come in by me and that she is now grounded.
Miss X is during this trying to explain the incident the day before involved Child B (so nothing to do with my child) along with other children from the year group and that her child is desperately upset and being bullied and that swearing is wrong and how Miss X checks her children’s phones and social media nightly and that ‘she’s keeping this out of school’, during this my third child and her dad come into the kitchen to see what is going on, Miss X is all sweetness and light towards him, all ‘hiya how are you doing?’ (Fluttery eyelashes/cleavage squeeze)
it ends with myself saying the children need to keep apart, that they clearly don’t get along and not to comment on who’s eating what food or not eating what food and to ignore each other, I tell my child 1 that she is grounded for the swearing and we will talk about this when the others have gone, Miss X flounces off to go to speak to the parent of Child B. I send child B home after Miss X has left my house.

the back story:
it comes out that the day before Miss X’s child was on this Snapchat class group chat ‘being bossy’ and lots of the kids pretty much told her where to go with a boy from the class particularly swearing and name calling.
which then carried on to the next day on leaving the school Miss X’s child and the boy had a spat at the school gates, for then child B and Miss X’s child to get going in a private Snapchat thread which my child’s walked into and joined in literally minutes before Miss X arrived at my house. My child isn’t on the Snapchat group and doesn’t have the contact details of Miss X’s child - my child doesn’t like the girl.

I don’t condone any of the kids behaviour and don’t like bullying either way , however I’m furious about Miss X’s behaviour.
she’s come to my house uninvited.
walked into my house Infront of her two children and 3 other pupils from the school she works in.
she’s come to me first even though this incident is on its second day and my daughter had just become involved minutes earlier and there are between 12-20 other pupils involved.
her remarks about phone checking
her what feels like a threat of ‘keeping this out of school’
i cant even verbalise how angry and what exactly im angry about but im furious and don’t feel Miss X should be working in the same classroom as my child 1 and child B - I just don’t think her behaviour is appropriate nor can she be trusted to fairly support either my child 1 or child B let alone any of these other children on the group chat from the day before.

I did ring the school numerous times as usually there is someone in the office for an hour or so after school but no answer

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Exasperateddonut · 17/03/2024 00:24

And this is why small kids shouldn’t be allowed on social media. There is zero need.

Exasperateddonut · 17/03/2024 00:25

However she’s hardly showered herself in professionalism. If it happened at school then the school needs to know.

DdraigGoch · 17/03/2024 00:28

Why the hell do these KS2 kids even have access to smartphones, let alone Snapchat (minimum age 13)?

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:30

Exasperateddonut · 17/03/2024 00:24

And this is why small kids shouldn’t be allowed on social media. There is zero need.

I absolutely agree! Especially an anonymous message removing site, let alone still being on the social media the next day after an incident - my brain is frazzled.

for clarity my child has WhatsApp but nothing else.

this has happened outside of school - however miss X is the TA for this particular year group and does 121/group with the SEN children (my child one being a part of that group).

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HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:32

DdraigGoch · 17/03/2024 00:28

Why the hell do these KS2 kids even have access to smartphones, let alone Snapchat (minimum age 13)?

I agree. my child isn’t on Snapchat, but this has happened over Snapchat

to clarify it’s child B’s Snapchat account to Miss x’s child’s Snapchat account.

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Amybelle88 · 17/03/2024 00:32

KS2 kids on Snapchat.

Why are you all allowing that in the first place? Recipe for disaster.

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:34

Amybelle88 · 17/03/2024 00:32

KS2 kids on Snapchat.

Why are you all allowing that in the first place? Recipe for disaster.

To clarify my child isn’t on Snapchat.

she’s had access via child B’s account - the two of them sending & presumably receiving voice notes.

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fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 17/03/2024 00:41

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:30

I absolutely agree! Especially an anonymous message removing site, let alone still being on the social media the next day after an incident - my brain is frazzled.

for clarity my child has WhatsApp but nothing else.

this has happened outside of school - however miss X is the TA for this particular year group and does 121/group with the SEN children (my child one being a part of that group).

WhatsApp age is 16+

DyslexicPoster · 17/03/2024 00:42

When I have a huffy parents banging on about some gadget related tripe I just remove the device with a "sorted, simple eh?" If the TA is getting in huff she needs to grow some balls and remove the device. Drama over. Mine don't have phones until they are 13. I have too much other shit to deal with. No fucker from school would walk into my house either without me saying wtaf do you think your going?

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:49

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 17/03/2024 00:41

WhatsApp age is 16+

That’s I didn’t know, thank you.

I thought it was safe as you had to have contacts to message ie me dad grandma and her best friend from her old school.

is there a way unsolicited people can contact via WhatsApp?

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 17/03/2024 00:50

We're all different I know, but I wouldn't have let her walk into my house uninvited.

And I would've told her in no uncertain terms that I want the school to deal with it, not her.

But then again hell would freeze over before I allowed my child to have a smart phone in primary school.

Namenamchange · 17/03/2024 00:51

Contact the school, she’s unprofessional and unable to maintain boundaries. She needs to be moved out of her child’s year group

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 17/03/2024 00:53

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:49

That’s I didn’t know, thank you.

I thought it was safe as you had to have contacts to message ie me dad grandma and her best friend from her old school.

is there a way unsolicited people can contact via WhatsApp?

is there a way unsolicited people can contact via WhatsApp?

Yes there is and is why such young kids shouldn't have these apps.

If you as a parent don't understand the ins and outs, then you obviously haven't gone through the security settings and tightened them up for her.

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:54

DyslexicPoster · 17/03/2024 00:42

When I have a huffy parents banging on about some gadget related tripe I just remove the device with a "sorted, simple eh?" If the TA is getting in huff she needs to grow some balls and remove the device. Drama over. Mine don't have phones until they are 13. I have too much other shit to deal with. No fucker from school would walk into my house either without me saying wtaf do you think your going?

That’s what I couldn’t get my head around - if your child was being picked on the day before on social media why is the social media still in your kids possession? Also why is your 10 year old on snap bloody chat in the first place?!

i was absolutely gobsmacked and a little woozy (thank you NHS) at her being at my house let alone walking in and the drama of her child sobbing like she was auditioning for eastenders.

off guard definitely off guard next time if this happens I’ll march them off the front step and up the drive.

OP posts:
HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:57

WhateverMate · 17/03/2024 00:50

We're all different I know, but I wouldn't have let her walk into my house uninvited.

And I would've told her in no uncertain terms that I want the school to deal with it, not her.

But then again hell would freeze over before I allowed my child to have a smart phone in primary school.

If there is bullying going on then I expect the school to take the lead on it.

I was gobsmacked she walked into my house and wasn’t with it at all (just spent 7 hours in A&E being told I need surgery next week) usually I’m a sharp cow.

phone is a bone of contention in our house - split from her dad and it’s easy contact between them.

OP posts:
HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 00:59

Namenamchange · 17/03/2024 00:51

Contact the school, she’s unprofessional and unable to maintain boundaries. She needs to be moved out of her child’s year group

I’d like her to be removed from the year group, I don’t feel she can turn off parent mode if she feels her child is being bullied by the children she is supposed to be supporting.

how do I ask without sounding irrational?

OP posts:
HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 01:01

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 17/03/2024 00:53

is there a way unsolicited people can contact via WhatsApp?

Yes there is and is why such young kids shouldn't have these apps.

If you as a parent don't understand the ins and outs, then you obviously haven't gone through the security settings and tightened them up for her.

Thank you, her phone is currently removed - (grounded due to the swearing)

so I’ll look at the settings - I have it on ‘contacts only’ and ‘no last seen’ I honestly didn’t realise unsolicited people would be able to message.

I’ll also speak with her dad about a safe way for them to keep contact.

thank you for the information it’s appreciated.

OP posts:
KattyBoomBoom95 · 17/03/2024 01:04

Exasperateddonut · 17/03/2024 00:24

And this is why small kids shouldn’t be allowed on social media. There is zero need.

Indeed. Just sounds like a load of ridiculous playground drama.

KattyBoomBoom95 · 17/03/2024 01:06

When I have a huffy parents banging on about some gadget related tripe I just remove the device with a "sorted, simple eh?"

So it happens to you a lot?

DodgeDoggie · 17/03/2024 01:06

Send an email to the head, chair and safeguarding lead stating that this email is a formal complaint to the school about their employee. Explain that she appeared without warning at your front door and entered your kitchen without invitation, then proceeded to iron out some bullying issues relating to her DD (which infact didn’t involve your child) on the premise she wanted to keep things ‘out of school’. She then went onto child’s friends house afterwards.

You are very cross. This unexpected, unnecessary and unwanted visit was an invasion of your families privacy. She has clearly overstepped a professional boundary and you would like the school to investigate as a matter of urgency.

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 01:10

DodgeDoggie · 17/03/2024 01:06

Send an email to the head, chair and safeguarding lead stating that this email is a formal complaint to the school about their employee. Explain that she appeared without warning at your front door and entered your kitchen without invitation, then proceeded to iron out some bullying issues relating to her DD (which infact didn’t involve your child) on the premise she wanted to keep things ‘out of school’. She then went onto child’s friends house afterwards.

You are very cross. This unexpected, unnecessary and unwanted visit was an invasion of your families privacy. She has clearly overstepped a professional boundary and you would like the school to investigate as a matter of urgency.

That is absolutely beautifully put- thank you very much.

i will compose an email tomorrow and send it and follow up with a phone call Monday lunch time.

really appreciate your response thank you

OP posts:
DodgeDoggie · 17/03/2024 01:18

its so incredibly unprofessional of miss x. Totally shocking that she took a common school related issue (which should have been dealt by the class teacher) secretly into your private home. Where are her professional boundaries?

kids will always do stupid things with or without phones. It’s just the nature of kids and why they need adult/parent support to help them become adults who can make good decisions.

DodgeDoggie · 17/03/2024 01:21

It’s also worth mentioning in your email that you are vulnerable post surgery, unable to walk having left hospital hours earlier. An off the record TA visit was the last thing you needed.

Mudflaps · 17/03/2024 01:27

10 year old with mobile phones? Parents are either stupid or looking to cause trouble for the kids. If it's absolutely essential that a child of that age needs a phone (I see no circumstance thatvtheyd need a phone) get them an old fashioned brick type with strong restrictions. No one to blame here other than the parents who allowed smart phones in the hands of such young children. Cop on. And don't start with mine is only allowed this or that, they'll find a way to get what they want, you are giving them a device which opens up access to violence, porn, grooming etc even despite vest efforts and good intentions.

HurtingHillary · 17/03/2024 01:27

DodgeDoggie · 17/03/2024 01:18

its so incredibly unprofessional of miss x. Totally shocking that she took a common school related issue (which should have been dealt by the class teacher) secretly into your private home. Where are her professional boundaries?

kids will always do stupid things with or without phones. It’s just the nature of kids and why they need adult/parent support to help them become adults who can make good decisions.

I still can’t understand why Miss x would think it was a smart idea to come to the home of a student in the class she supports, and then continue to the door when she’s seen three other pupils from the school, and walked passed them to get to the door.

kids are kids and I agree they do stupid things - this all seems a bit of tit for tat with the other kids getting fed up- very childlike - and I agree, parents are there to guide and support but bringing it to my door and singling out my child first who’s had the least to do with it out of all of it - makes me feel like it was a targeted attack from Miss X almost like bullying from her aimed at my child and the other child in her class.

it worries me what she might say or do with at school or on playground duty, I just don’t think she’s suitable to be working with children.

OP posts: