To be suspicious about his proposal plans?

[daffolilly25]

I've been with partner for 5.5 years.

We've had lengthy discussions for the past year about when to get married. He knows I want to get married. He tells me he wants it too.

We agreed we would like to get married in Autumn 2025.

I'm still waiting on a ring/proposal and as time goes on I wonder when this will happen if we're to stick to the 2025 date.

He knows how I feel about still having no proposal. He tells me to wait because he wants to do it 'right'...I'm nervous that we'll get to 2025 and it'll just be words still. I feel like I'm in some weird limbo where we've made a plan but we aren't actually following through.

I grew up with some things which I admit can make it hard for me to trust. I'm tying myself up in knots about it as so far I only have his words and being told to wait is making me tetchy.

We agreed we would like to get married in Autumn 2025.

You're engaged. Agree a date and what sort of wedding you'd like/can afford.

I don't understand why you're putting this off. If you both want to get married, just do it.

I think he may be stalling because he's unsure.

Or you could propose to him.

I don't think either of them considers that they're engaged, as there has been no proposal.

You have agreed a time to get married, why not just plan your wedding?

You're engaged then - get planning the wedding

Actions speak louder than words.

He is telling you what you want to hear.

I said I was happy to buy a ring together. He said he didn't want to do that as he wants to propose to me in the 'right' way.

I don't understand why doesn't do it, in whatever this 'right' way is?

What would he say if you said "We've already decided we're getting married, let's not bother with a proposal"? You don't need an engagement ring to get married.

In the most polite way, I think you need to chill and perhaps try and refocus on whaf is most important to you. Marrying him? Or the date?

Without realising, you may end up spoiling any proposal plans he is making because you're so focused on the when.

It is positive you've had the discussion and are both on the same page. Now, let him take care of the proposal in his own way. It is one thing you can't and shouldn't be controlling.

Also consider: an autumn 2025 wedding is still possible. He could propose on 31st Dec 2024 and an autumn wedding would still be possible.

If you both love each other, then to be honest, even if it isn't Autumn 2025, you'll still be getting married (the most important part).

Start saving now incase you do have a shorter time scale to plan but try not to mention the word wedding or engagement too much. Remember why you're together and just enjoy that.

...and let him do it how he wants to.

Maybe let him know the venues for 2025 are likely already booked up for the most popular dates?

I agree with pp. You've agreed to get married - get planning!
If you want a ring, suggest you go shopping together for it.
An engagement is an agreement to marry, so that's done.

an engagement is an agreement to marry.

You are engaged. Start booking it. Why are you waiting?

Thank you, I don't think you're being impolite.

I have had people let me down before in my life and I think this can make me worry that I'm not good enough. He's not let me down before, so I need to focus on that :)

I’ve been married for nearly 20 years, am
still awaiting a proposal 😂

Sorry, cross post. If you've suggested that you go ring shopping together, why would he object?
This is a bit strange because it's giving him a lot of control which isn't necessary. You're engaged - just get a ring.

What would his response be if you started looking into actually planning the wedding, looking at venues etc?

There is a couple I know who want to get married summer 2025. They're looking at venues, drawing up a guest list for numbers etc. But don't consider themselves "engaged" because there hasn't been a proposal. I think this is a little odd, they are very clearly making plans! But anyway, in that situation, despite no actual proposal, it's clear both are very committed to the idea and to getting married next year, they're very close to booking the venue.
Would you partner object to this? If so, I think that says a lot.

I'm getting married August 2025 and a lot of places were already booked so if you want to do it next year you'll need to make a start

Talk to him. Say that the situation is making you a bit anxious and can you go ring shopping soon, then plan the wedding? Just be honest about your feelings.

A traditional proposal is when one person asks another person to marry them. Traditionally the proposer doesn't know whether the person they are asking is going to say "yes" or "no". It is a question, the answer to which is unknown.

If you have already agreed that you want to get married to each other, and have been talking about dates etc for the wedding, then there is no need for a proposal!

Just get on with planning your wedding!

Agreeing as adults to get married equals being engaged.

OP, I would just tell him you need to start setting a date/looking at venues etc and just get on with it, I can’t see why you’d wait for a ‘proposal’, since you’ve already agreed to get married that concept it pointless now.

He probably doesn't realise how booked up wedding venues get in advance.

If you're really looking to marry in Sep 25, you need to start planning now.

Does there even need to be a ring?

Being engaged just means you’ve agreed to get married, so just plan a wedding.

I think you need some open communication - these threads where a woman is waiting for a man to propose do seem to be a bit of a throwback to centuries ago! Is he planning to get the permission of your family first!?

Tell him - "I don't need you to propose - we have already agreed we are marrying next August, so I want to get stuck in to the plans and to choose an engagement ring together right now. I do not need a proposal - we have already made our decision - and this is 2024, not 1824."

If he still stalls, then I suspect he is not a goer.

You don’t need a proposal when you have already agreed you are getting married. This really is ridiculous and I speak from experience. DH and I agreed we were getting married, we knew when and then for some bizarre reason he decided to “propose” to me on that Christmas Day. I actually laughed and said it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t have a ring at that point though, so we started the ring shopping together. At least he recognised that if I was wearing a ring for the rest of my life I should get a say in what it looks like.

Just start looking at venues and get on with planning and if he carries on pretending that you are not already engaged and you can’t do anything until he, the man, decides the time is right, well I would put him straight on that.

Thanks everyone.

I've been saying the same things as you all re planning, it is him who brings back the idea of a proposal each time. I often think 'well it would hardly be a surprise after the many conversations we've had' ?

I suppose I just want to understand why he's so fixated on a proposal...is it a commitment thing or is he just muddled up with what a man 'should' do?