To be suspicious about his proposal plans?

[daffolilly25]

I've been with partner for 5.5 years.

We've had lengthy discussions for the past year about when to get married. He knows I want to get married. He tells me he wants it too.

We agreed we would like to get married in Autumn 2025.

I'm still waiting on a ring/proposal and as time goes on I wonder when this will happen if we're to stick to the 2025 date.

He knows how I feel about still having no proposal. He tells me to wait because he wants to do it 'right'...I'm nervous that we'll get to 2025 and it'll just be words still. I feel like I'm in some weird limbo where we've made a plan but we aren't actually following through.

I grew up with some things which I admit can make it hard for me to trust. I'm tying myself up in knots about it as so far I only have his words and being told to wait is making me tetchy.

I assume the issue is that you can't publicly announce you are marrying in autumn 25.

You can't do any planning a party from in private. You can't speaks to anyone to discuss plans?

So it's just talk until he does this proposal?

If he is fine with you publicly discussing this autumn 25 wedding with everyone that's different but I assume he isn't.

He is not ready to publicly commit is he?

The concept of ‘spoiling proposal plans’ is irrelevant, they’ve already agreed to get married so there’s no need to sit about waiting for a proposal now, it’s done.

Just tell him firmly to stop it.

I’d he telling him that ship has sailed now, the conversation you had where you agreed to get married was effectively in place of a ‘proposal’ and can’t be undone.

Just tell him you need to get planning now, if he wants to buy a ring then let him but there’s no surprise proposal to be had now.

Why not say this to him instead of just thinking it? Ask him what the point of the proposal is from his perspective. It doesn't sound like it's going to do anything for you, so maybe ask him why he thinks it's so important given you've already decided to get married.

Giving him the benefit of doubt maybe he thinks a proposal is the ‘right’ thing to do, just put him straight that it’s irrelevant now as you’ve agreed to get married.

If he still stalls and won’t get involved in planning I’d be questioning if he really wants to do it.

He's having his cake and eating it. Agreed to marry you (a comfortable distance away) which keeps you in his bed and cooking his dinners; but is sucessfully fending off any plans to actually arrange a wedding using "I haven't proposed yet" as an excuse. I wouldn't trust a man who played such stupid games. Even if he does get round to proposing, he's shown you that he vonsiders himself to have the upper hand in this relationship.

I suggest you tell his mum and sisters that you and he have agreed to an autumn 2025 wedding. His reaction tontheir reaction will tell you what you need to.know.

If he forks out for a deposit on the wedding then I'd trust it was happening next year. Until then.. sorry but he's stalling

Bit odd to assume he needs to pay a deposit but I agree he’s stalling.

We had the venue booked a few months before I got a bend down proposal. He had asked me and I'd said yes so we got started planning. Start sending him some links for venues and ask him if he wants to go and look at any and see how it goes from there.

If he’d already asked you and wanted to do the bended knee thing why didn’t he do that the first time or feel he needed to do it again?

Why don't you propose to him and set an actual date? You've missed 29 feb but it's still leap year! 💕💍

The cynic in me thinks that he’s waiting until it’s too late for you to get married in August 25.

Most of the venues in my area are booked up at least 12 months ahead.

Then he’ll find another reason to delay the proposal again.

Tell him he can propose whenever he likes, but you’re going to start looking at venues over the next few weekends and will need to get something booked and leave a deposit.

His response will tell you all you need to know.

I agree - start planning the wedding for autumn 2025, looking at venues etc. If he brings up the proposal again, say "don't worry, I'm not spoiling the proposal, you can do that when and how you want!" You seem a bit passive OP - you need to take back control.

We just sat down to have a coffee and I asked him about why he's said a proposal is so important to him (he doesn't know I have this thread going)

He said 'well it's what I've always thought about, even before I met you. It's my job to do it'. Then I asked him why he hasn't done it he said 'I don't know what sort of ring you will like. I know you said we could go together but I'm supposed to know what you will like'

Do you think he's got something in his head about proposals being the 'macho' thing to do?! Does he think he should be able to read my mind?!

Thanks for the ideas about just getting on with planning, that seems a good way to go...and yes, I agree need to take some control and stop wondering what is going on!

Is this 1950?

I'm glad you had a chat @daffolilly25 but he sounds like he's in a time warp! The ring - you've offered to go ring shopping together, so why is that a problem? It's not his "job" to propose - you've already agreed to marry? It's all a bit odd.

Has he told his family you are marrying in autumn 2025? Or is it just a secret between you!

Then I asked him why he hasn't done it he said 'I don't know what sort of ring you will like. I know you said we could go together but I'm supposed to know what you will like'

He really scrabbled for something there, didn’t he?

He doesn’t want you to choose a ring together, but he hasn’t bought a ring yet as he doesn’t know what type of ring you’d like, but he’s made no effort to find out?

Nah, he’s stalling.

If that’s what he’d thought about why didn’t he do a proposal rather than have a general discussion where you agreed to get married? That makes no sense at all.

Just tell him no it’s not your job to do it and it’s irrelevant now because we’re agreed - and then go and look at some venues.

Because he doesn’t want to and is just stalling you.

Have seen the update.

OP, you might want to reconsider marrying someone who is either very stupid or thinks you are very stupid.

Yep he’s stalling OP

Did your conversation stop there about it? To me that just sounds like the start of the conversation. Did you agree to go together to look at rings so he'd know what you would like? Did you tell him you need to book a venue now before they book up?

He’s future faking