To be suspicious about his proposal plans?

[daffolilly25]

I've been with partner for 5.5 years.

We've had lengthy discussions for the past year about when to get married. He knows I want to get married. He tells me he wants it too.

We agreed we would like to get married in Autumn 2025.

I'm still waiting on a ring/proposal and as time goes on I wonder when this will happen if we're to stick to the 2025 date.

He knows how I feel about still having no proposal. He tells me to wait because he wants to do it 'right'...I'm nervous that we'll get to 2025 and it'll just be words still. I feel like I'm in some weird limbo where we've made a plan but we aren't actually following through.

I grew up with some things which I admit can make it hard for me to trust. I'm tying myself up in knots about it as so far I only have his words and being told to wait is making me tetchy.

Send him some links to rings you would like and say you would like to be engaged by the end of the year

Being honest, I too would wonder why he is dragging his heels. After over 5 years you'd think he could get on with it. It's not hard - he just has to ask you to marry him, you say yes and then you go to a jeweller's shop and choose the ring. Then you set the date. I know some men want to have the ring to propose with but I'd always want to choose the ring I'm going to wear for the rest of my life. I chose my ring and so did my mother and I've been married for 30 years so I don't think it is "untraditional". Of course, if he was presenting me with a very good quality 1.5 carat diamond solitaire I wouldn't be turning it down!

They’ve already had the conversation, the ring and him ‘proposing’ is irrelevant- I’d just be saying let’s agree a date & venue, why is it his decision when that discussion has already happened it’s ridiculous to wait for a proposal in this situation.

By the end of the year! Why wait nine months when they already agreed to get married next year?

It is completely normal to go and choose a ring together. I didn't know what I wanted until I saw it! Unless you've often talked about your choice in jewellery, how is he supposed to know what you like - would your best friend or mum know the kind of engagement ring you want without asking you?

I think that some men do feel the pressure to do a traditional proposal and to get it "right". My fiancé and I had discussed marriage at length, agreed a date to get married and I had told him that I wasn't bothered by a ring, but he said the same as your DP thay he wanted to propose "properly". A lot of his best friends did big proposals with engagement rings and I think that he felt that he had to do the same. At the actual proposal he was so nervous, which was very endearing given we had literally already set a date 😂all a bit silly but ultimately it came from a place of feeling responsibility to not let me down.

I don’t think you are engaged yet, as he has told you this.

He is either unsure, or wants to do a proper proposal. But whether you are willing to chill and wait to see how this pans out depends on what you want.

Is there a reason you feel impatient? How old are you both? Do you want kids? Is time on your mind because of this?
Or perhaps you have concerns already that he is uncertain about what he wants?

Eh? She wants to be married. That's what they agreed and decided on the timeframe.
Why is the power in this situation given to the man?.

Be careful he may have no intention of getting married.

Why is the power in this situation given to the man?

I'm not sure it's really about "giving" him the power - more that, short of putting a ring through his nose and dragging him up the aisle, she can hardly force him to marry her

What he might have agreed to before hardly matters any more, and that's if he really did agree and OP wasn't just hearing what she wanted to, so as said a bit more focus on how committed he really is and less on a wedding might be wise

No, she can't force him. Who knows why he's dithering though.

"Start saving now incase you do have a shorter time scale to plan but try not to mention the word wedding or engagement too much. Remember why you're together and just enjoy that.

...and let him do it how he wants to."

I have very rarely read worse advice.