To not want to share a bed even if it is a significant birthday?

[KeiraKnightley2]

My dad had a big birthday coming up and he wants to stay in this plush country estate house for it for 2 nights with my mum and my sister.

Originally I hoped my partner would come but now he's away with work and my dad wants me to share a bedroom with my sister (because of the expense no doubt).

The thing is she snores like a train and this sounds like my idea of hell. But it's what he wants us to do. Would you suck it up?

I don't know if it would help but my DP snores horrendously. I use good quality ear plugs plus a sleep mask with headphones and white noise. Can't hear a thing and sleep really well. Worth trying, relatively small investment. My sleep mask is silk and feels lovely on

YABU. Just 2 nights for a significant birthday for your Dad !? I’d be there in a heartbeat.

I find this quite sad 😢 so many people think it’s fine to not go.

Can't you book an extra room and share costs with your sister ? Both still go , both get a room to themselves ?

Same 😥

Sadly both mine have passed away, I'd give anything to be celebrating some big birthdays with them.

I'd give anything to be celebrating some big birthdays with them

Then your view is tainted. Understandably, of course, and I'm sorry you lost your parents, but your perspective isn't the same as OP's, and nor should it be.

I think you’re being silly and precious. It’s two nights. Buy some earplugs and enjoy your dad‘s big day

I think views on this are probably split into those who sleep well and happily share beds, and the rest of us who are grumpy bad tempered bears if we don't get at least 7 hrs.

I'm team Bear and am hideous on broken sleep. Having said that I don't know what I would do in that situation, make the best of it with a twin room, muffles earplugs, sleeping tablets and copious amounts of wine.

£350 per room??

id pay for my own room or contribute I think

I love the way everyone is implying the dad is being selfish not spending an extra £700 , when he’s already spending a fortune for two night awAy. I think you’re being selfish for making a big deal about this without trying to find ways to work around the problem without tainting the weekend for your dad.

oh yes. Entitled or what?

He is paying a very expensive place for you. Pay for your own if you don't want to share.

Really doesn't sound like it does it?

Ask yourself this - if your Dad died the day after his birthday, how would you feel if you hadn't gone. I lost a parent recently so am more sensitive to this kind of thing but things you did that make them happy sit light in your soul and other stuff weighs with regrets.

Is is just the snoring honestly or is there some other reason?

If it's just the snoring, I'd tough it out for a couple of nights.

For earplugs - I'd really recommend boots re-useable foam ones. you need to roll them very thin and then hold them with your finger pushed into your ear canal while they expand. You need to hold them for longer than you'd think until they are full expnaded. if you do this right they are fantastic. the trick is holding them right in for a long while so they expand right in there and form a barrier.

these are the ones I mean. be careful as boots have a variety. These are like short slices off a roll (flat at both ends and not ear shaped), resusable and normally come with a carry case.

https://bn.boots.com/en/buy-boots-foam-earplugs-3-pairs-carry-case.html

What would have happened if your partner could go? Surely you wouldn't be bunking with your sister then.
Ignore the people who are claiming you hate your dad because your don't want to share a room, if you are going to be miserable due to lack of sleep, you'll ruin the holiday for everyone. And if your dad actually wanted to have a great birthday he would understand that and fix the issue.

It's clearly unreasonable to ask him to pay. You need to suck it up or pay for your own room.

If this is fulfilling your dad's lifelong dream, then I think you'd be U to not go if you possibly can.

If it's just 'But it's my Significant Birthday, so everyone's got to obey my wishes, however uncomfortable it makes them!', then I think he's the one who's being U.

Ask yourself this - if your Dad died the day after his birthday, how would you feel if you hadn't gone. I lost a parent recently so am more sensitive to this kind of thing but things you did that make them happy sit light in your soul and other stuff weighs with regrets.

I am sorry for your loss. But people should not feel guilt-tripped into obeying everyone's, or even every family member's, demands. because they could die tomorrow. Any of us could die tomorrow. It doesn't mean that we all need to be doormats.

I am sorry for your loss. But people should not feel guilt-tripped into obeying everyone's, or even every family member's, demands. because they could die tomorrow. Any of us could die tomorrow. It doesn't mean that we all need to be doormats.

Don't be so over precious. It 's not being 'guilt tripped' into an unreasonable demand.

It's a dad wanting as a one-off to celebrate a special birthday in a particular way. It's not demanding that someone is giving up their life for your own convenience. This is the kind of thing that plays on your mind after death - those kind of things that you did or didn't do - to be kind to another person when it really mattered to them.

If you think that voluntarily putting yourself out on one occasion to make someone you love happy is being a doormat you really need to see a psychiatrist and work on your own self confidence and self-centredness.

Doormat? Demands? Jesus.

The selfishness of people today is eyewatering.

The selfishness of people today is eyewatering

I agree - spending a couple of nights in an expensive hotel and no doubt a few expensive meals and nice days out - your father is hardly asking you to shave your head and run naked through a sea of hot coals.

Heaven forbid you have children.

That is most insulting. You don't know me; you didn't know my relationship with my parents. I adored my parents. For example, I spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood restricting my movements and social life to the point that every year was almost like 2020 was to be, because my dad was clinically vulnerable and I didn't want to risk infecting him. I could have led a more 'normal' life and restricted the time I spent with my dad, but I didn't want to, because I wanted to spend the time with him, and he wanted to spend time with me. I don't regret it at all; just saying that it's not true that I'd never have given up anything for my parents. But my dad would never have asked me to put myself to severe discomfort just because of a special birthday, or anything that's one-off. If it was for something long-term, that's different. The same the othe4 way round- I would not expect others to endure discomfort for me, if it concerned a one-off special occasion and didn't affect me long-term.

Admittedly, I may be biased on this one, as my privacy at night is something of EXTREME importance to me- I'm not sensitive to noise, but I have medical issues which make me go to the loo several times in the night, and suffer from extreme anxiety about people complaining about me over this. If it was about something else, maybe I wouldn't feel so strongly.

And BTW, I'm not the Youth of Today; I'm much closer to the OP's dad's likely age than to hers.

You obviously don’t have issues with sleep and with lack of sleep mak8ng you feel ill then 🤷‍♀️
I’d go, but I’d pay for my own extra room either there or somewhere near enough by that I could join in fully. I don’t share rooms.

I’ve lost both of mine. I get your point, but I still wouldn’t share a room. I need to sleep. It’s not good for anyone if I don’t, and I feel ill for days.

I think you’re being spectacularly blinkered by what’s ok for you. That wouldn’t work for me. Earplugs are uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want someth8ng that would black ALL noise as I’d feel unsafe, and if it didn’t block it all the. Repeated snoring would still keep me awake. I’d feel ill for days after 2 nights with little sleep.
I’d go, but I’d book my own room.

Suck it up or pay for your own room. It's only 2 nights. I had to share a room with my dm on my sil's hen do. That is my idea of hell because she is a terrible sleeper but always blames everyone else and makes a massive fuss if you roll over or rustle a sheet etc. I was tired but had a great sleep when I got home.

I’ve had a child. I was tired and felt a bit unwell quite a lot. Not in the same league as losing two complete nights to a snorer though (I’ve done that too). With a baby you get some sleep between wakes.

I don't cope well at all when sleep deprived but I would still absolutely do this for my Dad.