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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a bed even if it is a significant birthday?

155 replies

KeiraKnightley2 · 15/03/2024 14:50

My dad had a big birthday coming up and he wants to stay in this plush country estate house for it for 2 nights with my mum and my sister.

Originally I hoped my partner would come but now he's away with work and my dad wants me to share a bedroom with my sister (because of the expense no doubt).

The thing is she snores like a train and this sounds like my idea of hell. But it's what he wants us to do. Would you suck it up?

OP posts:
456pickupsticks · 15/03/2024 20:51

Personally I would not share a bed with my sister, and this is quite a firm boundary for me. I would share a bedroom, but would need separate beds. If the only option was to share a bed, I'd be paying for my own room.

Assuming your parent's have offered to pay, and that it's an expense issue for them, I'd just pay for my own room (or pay for a room at another nearby hotel/b and b/ airbnb). Or just go for a day and commit to coming back home late at night.
Or alternatively suggest something different - probably a lot of city breaks in europe you could go on for less than this seems to be costing (£350 per room for two nights is like, £1400 if you've got two rooms for two nights)

Snugglemonkey · 15/03/2024 20:53

AppropriateAdult · 15/03/2024 15:15

I would 100% do this without hesitation. I can't imagine a scenario where I didn't suck up this very minor inconvenience for my father's birthday. But I've often found the MN consensus to be that nobody should ever put themselves out, even for close family...

It isnot a minor inconvenience to spend 2 nights without sleep. I have misophonia, this would be 2 nights of torture. Total torture. I would not even consider it. Not for anyone.

Snugglemonkey · 15/03/2024 20:55

Watchkeys · 15/03/2024 18:57

It's not generous to give someone something that they actively don't want, however expensive it might be.

I totally agree. I do not give a flying fuck how much someone pays for me to be tortured for 2 nights. It will always be unwelcome.

Watchkeys · 15/03/2024 21:24

Don't be THAT person who turns the occasion into a saga all about YOU

Wow, yeah, don't be that person who respects their own needs.

Pieceofpurplesky · 15/03/2024 22:10

It's your dad's birthday. A big one (60/70?).
Wear some headphones/ear plugs - speak to the hotel about a twin room.

I am sure you caused him sleepless nights in the past. I sometimes can't believe how people are on MN. He wants to do a nice thing.

Freakinfraser · 15/03/2024 22:10

Get some ear plugs and ask for a twin.

flipflop76 · 15/03/2024 22:12

Loop earplugs are very good.

Shallana · 15/03/2024 22:25

It really depends on your relationship with your sister. I'd be absolutely fine sharing a bed with mine and have done in the past.

For the snoring, I'd just take earplugs - the silicone ones that mould to your ears block out everything, I take them on every holiday.

User19792 · 15/03/2024 22:26

Share a bed or a bedroom? Bed NO WAY Bedroom, okay but buy earplugs

Banrion · 15/03/2024 22:31

Twin beds in the one room would be alright wouldn't it?

BreakfastAtMimis · 15/03/2024 22:34

I would say "Dad, if you want me to come, you'll need to book me my own room."

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/03/2024 22:35

I'd pay for my own room or not go. Lack of sleep is torture.

BloodTestsHelpPlease · 15/03/2024 22:37

Who's paying?

Loloj · 15/03/2024 22:39

If it’s a special birthday I’d make the effort to go and pack some quality earplugs.

jackstini · 15/03/2024 22:44

It's for your Dad
Earplugs or make her sleep in the bath!?

Ladybrrrd · 16/03/2024 00:32

What a shame if you couldn't suck it up for your dad's sake, imo. It make him happy. Ear plugs work well.

I would say "Dad, if you want me to come, you'll need to book me my own room."
Please whatever you do don't say this. Petulant.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 16/03/2024 00:36

Zephyry · 15/03/2024 14:57

Can't it be set up as twin beds?

How would that make a difference? They'd still be in the same room.

I'd test out ear plugs and ask my sister to test out those nose strips before saying a hard no.

BarbieDangerous · 16/03/2024 00:37

I’d just do it. Snoring isn’t going to kill you

PeryleneGreen · 16/03/2024 00:46

I'd make the most of it for two nights, for my parents. Earplugs or sleep headphones with brown noise, maybe a dose of something to make you drowsy. Otherwise, I'd ask my sister if she'd be interested in splitting the cost of another room, if one's available.

Codlingmoths · 16/03/2024 00:47

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 15/03/2024 14:57

I would absolutely do it. It's two nights.

I assume my parents lost a lot of sleep for sake over the years. And I have voluntarily lost sleep to celebrate with my friends at weddings and birthdays etc.

Earplugs, a day of annual leave afterwards if possible, and summon up as much gratitude and stoicism as you can for the weekend.

This is true. They’ve probably had a LOT of broken nights!

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/03/2024 02:47

BarbieDangerous · 16/03/2024 00:37

I’d just do it. Snoring isn’t going to kill you

It might if op is driving and seriously sleep deprived…

moonfacer · 16/03/2024 03:33

KeiraKnightley2 · 15/03/2024 14:53

@existentialpain so do I.

Apparently this is what he really wants and to all be together but I don't want to do it. I'll probably be seen as selfish for refusing.

Who is paying? If he’a paying, could you offer to contribute towards your own room?

Paninaro94 · 16/03/2024 03:38

Either pay for your own room or suck it up.

It’s your dad, he wants to take you all away for the weekend and if you don’t go, one day you will regret it

KarmaCaramello · 16/03/2024 03:48

If you have a good relationship with your dad and there's no drip feed, either pay for your own room or bring noise cancelling earphones and do it for him. Be an adult, not a sulky kid.

rookiemere · 16/03/2024 08:51

I can't believe people genuinely think that because OPs DP lost sleep when OP was a baby, she should suck it up having no sleep on what's meant to be an enjoyable weekend break.

I do think it's probably just about doable with twin beds, Boots muffles earplugs and Boots over the counter Sleepeaze tablets. If OP has a camping airbed bring that and can always decamp to the bathroom if it gets too bad.