My mum moved in but barely lifts a finger

[Mumoftwinsandasingleton]

My mum was sent a section 21 for her rented flat back in August 2023. She has been living with me and my husband since. We had twins in September 2023 and have a 3 year old. My mum works as a cleaner from 6am to 9am. She is then free throughout the day. She despises helping out with the children as she just wants to sit and watch day time TV without the children in the way. She can't cook, so always waits for me to prepare all meals. She also doesn't clean the house or help out with any chores aside from washing her OWN clothes and washing dishes. She contributes £20 every week but not a penny over. Whenever we go for shopping, she always expects me to pay and then whines that she only has x amount in her purse if I do ask her to pay. On mother's day, she chose to go out with my sister and sends her money regularly even though my sister refused to take her in during her dire situation. My husband really tolerates my mum and keeps saying I'm clearly not the favourite child. She needs to move on but is still waiting for the housing to get back to her. Any advice?

Tell her to move out. Give her 1 months notice and then change your locks!

Stop being a doormat.

Serve her with an eviction notice

The housing is unlikely to rehouse her as she is currently not homeless. What conditions/parameters did you set before she moved in with you? She’s doing the bare minimum of hours working so she possibly feels that the 20 quid a week she’s paying you could be seen as fair. It isn’t. I’d expect more from a lodger in terms of a contribution towards house-work and money. She’s taking the piss but you’re letting it happens

i think your mistake was not setting boundaries/expectations when she moved in, explaining you won’t always cook for her, and explaining you’re expecting her to pitch in with housework etc. Shes got too comfortable now.

But now you need a come to Jesus talk - either she starts pulling her weight and contributing more or she’ll have to find alternative living arrangements. You took her in when she was in a tight spot but she is not just a guest, she’s a member of the house and needs to act as such.

She really is taking advantage of you.

How do you know if she is even in contact with housing?

I cannot understand why she would treat you this way and why do you allow It?

You can't earn her love. She's a selfish cow. Kick her out asap.

For starters put he keep up. She can afford more than 20 quid a week. She's on decent money considering she's getting an almost freebie. Tell her you want 100 quid a week from her next pay and if she says she can't afford that then she'll have to make alternative arrangements.

You'll get those on here saying appreciate her because one day she'll die and she brought you up but she's taking the piss.

Also she doesn't get to sit and quietly watch daytime telly anymore. Plonk a kid in her lap and tell her to pitch in.

Stop making things comfortable for her.

If she's housed with you, she won't be a priority for social housing. In fact, she'll be so far down the list, she'll probably be a long time dead before she gets an offer

All the time she is living with you, she will be at the bottom of any housing list. You have to ask her to leave. She can go and live with your sister

You shouldn’t have taken her in. She isn’t going to get a council or housing association place now. She should have stayed in her rented place until the eviction went through the courts and she was removed, then she could have presented as homeless to the council. But she left her place and moved in with you so they won’t take her, not for a long time. Bottom of the list.

Why is she only part time?
The most basic research on getting council housing would tell you that you need to be officially made homeless in order to get anywhere with a council flat, so has she asked you to produce a letter for her?

Throw her out

Give her. Week's notice to leave

Then change the locks if needs be

I suspect you need to drive her to the housing office and say you aren't taking her home and that she is homeless, until that point I doubt they will do anything. Don't be a doormat.

This!

Move her to your sisters place for a few days and make that arrangement permanent.

Im a big fan of letting parents enjoy the company of their favourite children!

Give her bus fare to your sister's place.

Yep, tell her she needs to be gone by 1 April.

Your sister can put her up for a few weeks, you’ve done your bit!

I can really only echo the others, she's adequately housed already, the council will not rehouse her this side of the year 3000.

She SHOULD have stayed put to be evicted after the section 21, then the council would have had a duty to provide somewhere as she'd have been unintentionally homeless. If she just walks out of yours, she's intentionally homeless, so the only way now is if you kick her out and she is actually homeless.

In effect that really does mean taking her to the housing office and tipping her out and saying 'she's not living with us, she's homeless'.

On top of THAT... shes royally taking the piss.

I've lost so much self esteem since having my kids. I don't really know how to confront her for some reason. I used to be so bold and confident. I'm aware I'm a doormat, think it's because I'm worried I'll be completely alone during the day

I’d be dropping her off on my sisters doorstep!

Seriously it doesn’t sound like a tenable situation and especially not for £20 a week. I’d be making her buy her own food and contribute fairly to the utilities, especially if she wants the tv on all day. Hopefully stopping what is essentially a free ride will encourage your DM to sort things to move out sooner rather than later

I'm guessing this is the type of relationship you have with her, giving in for the sake of a quiet life?

I've just recently heard about this, so the plan is for me to write the letter once my husband gets back from his holiday. She's already said that she hates the look of the flats nearby, but I'm going to be more firm and insist she leaves

What's wrong with being alone during the day?