Was I being unreasonable to say no to taking DDs friend to party?

[FlyingFleetwood]

School birthday party after school this week.
I agreed to take DDs best friend as her parents couldn't due to work. I'm very happy to do this as the mum picks up for me once a week and we help each other out in holidays and ad hoc. My DD and her DD are the best of friends and I'm friends with the mum. I'd be responsible for her as well as DD at the party.

Its not a drop off party FYI.

DDs other friends mum messages me on the morning to ask if I'm able to take her daughter as well as she is working and neither parent can come.

I politely explain I can't as I'm already taking her other friend and that I didn't feel comfortable being responsible for another child. In addition my car isn't big enough for all the car seats.

The mum said OK then and agrees.. 20 minutes later she rings me and pleads with me and says I'm already taking x and to add y won't make much difference.

I explain that it will make a difference as I need to be responsible for all of them and that's too much. As well as not having sufficient space in the back for all the car seats.

The mum explodes at me and says I'm not being fair and her DD will miss out....am I right in thinking this isn't my problem and she should've sorted her plans out weeks ago when the invitation was sent???

It is also worthy to note.. her DD has been invited to our house several times and I stopped that now as my DD has never received an invite back. The last time I suggested a meet the mum asked me to have the older siblings too!! Which I firmly said no to.

Aibu to think this is so entitled??

The mum now blanks me at the school gates as if I'm in the wrong.

Those saying they would take her - the OP couldn’t, there wasn’t room i the car.

These are tinies, not junior aged - year 1, so aged 5/6. Can’t have tiny ones like that without a car seats.

Absolutely YANBU. She's an entitled CF. You're 100% right. Don't give in to people like this, as they will just try to walk all over you, and then blame you when you stop them from doing it. Her lack of organisation is not your problem, and neither is her DD's friendships. That's her lookout, and her failure for not planning better.

You're all good op, she's a massive cf (given all background info) and now she won't talk to you. 🙌👌
I'd count that as a win.

I should have said her reaction was awful and also she left it far too late to make her plans

But there was room. The child didn't need to be in a child seat in the back

If you liked the mum you would have made it work. YANBU for not taking the child but YABU for making up excuses rather than being completely honest. FWIW, there was a local celebrity mum like this at our primary school about 20 years ago. Everyone soon got the measure of her but the problem was we all felt sorry for the kids and of course none of us were honest with her and we heloed out more than we should have. It’s hard to be honest sometimes.

My spider senses say if you take her but then mum wouldn’t pick her up from you for hours and hours. She’s a CF.

YANBU at all OP. The other mum sounds very odd and it definitely isn't your responsibility to get her child to the party.

@Growlybear83 where are you getting your information from that they don’t need a car seat in the back of a car if they’re over 3?
Car seat / booster until age of 12 or 135cm tall - whichever comes first.

The second the mum exploded at me would be the time I would never do any favours ever again. Mind you, like you, I’d probably have already reached that conclusion for all the other reasons.

You did the right thing. The mother is being childish. No wonder her kids are jealous of each other with a mother acting like a 3 years old.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Yes it's nice to do favours, but you have good reason for not wanting to (yes it would be physically possible for you to do it, but if you wouldn't be happy with the arrangements, that's a good enough reason!). And this mum has shown she is a CF who expects everyone to run round after her and wouldn't be offering you any favours in return.

I'm usually quite happy to do lifts etc, but I would never be offering another favour to someone who has been 4 hours late to pick their child up from my house! How do you know she'd be there when you took her home?

She's no loss if she isn't talking to you. And let's face it, presumably there are other parents she can ask if you are being unreasonable?

This woman hasn't got her life or personal schedule under control. This isn't your fault or problem.

She owes you an apology for taking out her frustrations on you. Seems she can't control herself, either.

YANBU.

Just because she has a problem getting her child to a party, it’s not your responsibility to resolve that problem for the parents.

Even if you were only taking your child, you shouldn’t be expected to make provision for someone else’s kids.

Unless I'm misinterpreting it, the government guidance says that a child over 3 doesn't have to use a child seat in the rear of the car if the vehicle doesn't have one.

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

When a child can travel without a car seat
A child aged 3 or older can travel in a back seat without a child car seat and without a seat belt if the vehicle doesn’t have one.
In most cases, children under 3 must always be in a child car seat.

It wouldn't have occured to me to say no, as a year one child is perfectly capable of going in the front with a car seat. And the 'can't supervise' excuse is pretty pathetic.

That said, she was wrong to.phone up and continue it once you had said no.

You don't like her, and didn't want to do a favour.

Why would you have declined @mathanxiety .

The op was able to go and she brought another child whose mother does her fair share of picking up kids.

I don't understand all the "be kind" the CF had the same amount of time to organise something.
She just couldn't be arsed because she thought @FlyingFleetwood would do it.
It's not the ops fault CF has loads of kids.

I think it was the lack of notice that peeved me.

Had she asked me before I agreed to take the other friend, I maybe would've considered it. I just don't want to make a rod for my own back when I know she'll fully take advantage of me.

Way to miss the point of the thread 🙄

My youngest had a friend who’s Mother was far too busy with her important job to get involved in lifts but despite that we always gave her son lifts to parties,football matches ,rugby etc because the child wasn’t in control of his parents selfishness!!
The boys are now in their 20s and I saw this chap recently and he remembered that we gave him lifts and thanked me 🤷‍♀️

I was going to say you were being unreasonable, as you could easily put one child in the front and keeping an eye on three 5-6 year olds at a party isn’t a hard task.
But then I read your post about how cheeky the other mum is in general, asking you to take the older sibling etc. I would definitely have said no to this last minute request under those circumstances. Any old excuse would do, you don’t need to justify it, the cheeky cow!

She wasn't being unreasonable.
What sanctimonious shite!

Yanbu at all, and really she’s got a nerve to judge any of your (perfectly understandable) reasons. You’re being asked the favour and it is up to you

If I could have taken child with booster- then I would have done it for the child. Child can't help mother's situation and is upset about not being able to take part. So never mind the mother - I would have taken the child, for the child.

Hare tally keeping play dates. Who knows what's going on in other families.

If you can put one of the seats in the front then you are being hugely unreasonable.