Was I being unreasonable to say no to taking DDs friend to party?

[FlyingFleetwood]

School birthday party after school this week.
I agreed to take DDs best friend as her parents couldn't due to work. I'm very happy to do this as the mum picks up for me once a week and we help each other out in holidays and ad hoc. My DD and her DD are the best of friends and I'm friends with the mum. I'd be responsible for her as well as DD at the party.

Its not a drop off party FYI.

DDs other friends mum messages me on the morning to ask if I'm able to take her daughter as well as she is working and neither parent can come.

I politely explain I can't as I'm already taking her other friend and that I didn't feel comfortable being responsible for another child. In addition my car isn't big enough for all the car seats.

The mum said OK then and agrees.. 20 minutes later she rings me and pleads with me and says I'm already taking x and to add y won't make much difference.

I explain that it will make a difference as I need to be responsible for all of them and that's too much. As well as not having sufficient space in the back for all the car seats.

The mum explodes at me and says I'm not being fair and her DD will miss out....am I right in thinking this isn't my problem and she should've sorted her plans out weeks ago when the invitation was sent???

It is also worthy to note.. her DD has been invited to our house several times and I stopped that now as my DD has never received an invite back. The last time I suggested a meet the mum asked me to have the older siblings too!! Which I firmly said no to.

Aibu to think this is so entitled??

The mum now blanks me at the school gates as if I'm in the wrong.

You need a rear seat measuring at least 54 inches across.

It seems, babyshark, that strictly speaking the space was there - OP could have had two booster seats in the back and one in the front passenger seat. So had the OP been keen to do a favour, there was space for the third child.

I know OP's preference is not to have a child in front even though it is legal, however, and that she was also not inclined to put herself out too much given the CF history with the third mum. I get that, but no, of course "being kind" does not magic up room in the car. What it might do is allow you to use all the room there is, if you are so inclined.

Those issues would only be issues if you could transport the additional child there safely. You can't, so that's all that needs to be said.

Yanbu op any sane person can see that.

@Nicelynicelyjohnson - and it's an after school party too. Of course there will only be a limited number of parents able and willing to give lifts and spend an afternoon making sure other people's children get home in one piece.

I'd have declined this invitation.

I think she’s bloody rude. She asked , you said no she should have said no problem and left it at that. To have a go at you and act like a brat because she can’t get her act together is pathetic. You’ve had a lucky escape here at least you don’t need to deal with her again.

Because she wasn't .

If it was a short journey, I’d have put one in the front with a car seat or in the middle without (which, I believe, is legal)

^ I'd be absolutely furious if you chose my child to sit in the least safe seat in the car or without a car seat!

She's a total cheeky fucker

HNRTFT but I totally agree!!

Yes, it's not the child's fault this has happened. I recognise the problems with the mother not reciprocating in having your daughter round to play, I agree that it was out of order to ask you to have her other children as well, and I agree that the mother left it far too late to try to make arrangements for the party. However, a party is different, and they are incredibly important to children at that age, and by refusing to take your daughter's friend, you're penalising the child for her mother being disorganised. If the mother understands and accepts that you can't fit her daughter in a child seat in the car, you could have taken her quite legally in the back of the car without a seat. Looking after three children at a party is not much different to looking after two.

I'd have taken her, just so a little kid didn't miss a birthday party. But if I'd asked and been told no, there's no way I'd phone them shouting. The mum sounds quite unhinged so her ignoring you might be a good thing.

Keep it simple next time: just say no, you can't do it, car is full. YOu don't have to expand upon it beyond that.

You owe her nothing. Sounds like she's been quite pushy and adept about taking advantage of others to watch her children for her when she's working/can't be arsed and never reciprocates.

I'd be thankful she's blanking you at the school gates. YOu don't need people like that in your life.

I think what’s really unreasonable OP are the crazy posts here saying YABU! There will always be someone on here who argues the toss. You don’t feel comfortable taking the child. Absolutely fine to say that, totally not unreasonable. The Mum left it all a bit late in the day anyway and it’s not your problem. I dislike all this entitled nonsense - why should you or would you put yourself out for someone who never gives back?
Ignore her OP she’s one Mum friend you don’t need.

OP is not penalising the child fgs 🙄 Blame the Mother - nothing to do with the OP who is not responsible for this woman’s child’s social life.

Why do people feel the need to explain themselves.

You just tell the cheeky twat no you don't need to give her excuses or reasons or massage her feelings.

If she is that bothered about her child missing out SHE SHOULD organise her life better and take HER child herself.

Of course the mother is ultimately to blame, but if it was me, and it was clear that the child would miss the party if I didn't take them when I was perfectly able to do so, I couldn't refuse, no matter what I thought about the mother's attitude.

@FlyingFleetwood My childhood home was large and nicely decorated. However, my step father was an alcoholic - inviting friends home was not on the agenda.

You don't know what's going on behind the doors, please don't stop asking the child to your home she can't help what her parents decide / do.

I understand you being unable to get all the car seats in though. I hope they can find someone to take her. I always dreaded after school parties when the DCs were little because they usually had to go to after care and it was often difficult to juggle it in with work, travel etc. though we always tried.

The other friends child is not your responsibility. It sounds very much to me like your actual friend, the mother of the child you're taking has said "Oh, ask FlyingFleetwood, she's taking my DD to the party, I'm sure she won't mind"! In which case that's not on either!
And from your previous experience with her, I'd say she's a total CF and I'd avoid her from now on!

She was definitely very rude to you. But I find it really odd that you can't be responsible for 3 x year ones. It sounds like you are just not keen on the family.
Also stopping the child coming round because they don't reciprocate is ridiculous, it's not the poor childs fault at all. My son had lots of friends like that, it never bothered me, as long as they were all happy.
Also, they may have a large beautiful house, but you don't know the dynamics, there could be many reasons.

The mum now blanks me at the school gates as if I'm in the wrong

RESULT!!

Yeah and guess who wouldn’t turn up at the right time to pick up her child? Set your boundary and keep it strong.

What would have happened if she asked you first and you agreed

Then best friend asked and wouid have been no 3

Would you have said no to best friend

I agree with others you should have just said the car seats bit but hindsight is wonderful.

The mum's reaction was unreasonable and it's not your responsibility.

But you were being a bit of a drama llama over the 'responsibility' of 3 kids. And one could have travelled in the front seat.