To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

Do it! I'm a sahm and yes it's hard but I love it. It will be better for your kids too.

I would agree but teaching is a profession where you can return after a gap

OP this was me a while back. I think we had about €30 after childcare from my income and I really didn't like my job. All income is shared in our household so we didn't ever have an issue with "mine" and his". The straw that broke the camels back was when my DD started primary school our childcare costs went up as her preschool hours were free so the crèche costs for before and after school meant we still were forking out for childcare and that was before all the holidays (I'm in Ireland) so I thought to hell with it all. It takes so much pressure off when you have small children as no stress or drama when the DC are sick . Previously DH had been the person on call when the DC were sick as his job had more flexibility but he changed jobs so that changed and my employer was very inflexible. As it turns out one of my DC has additional needs so I've stayed out of work longer than expected. You need to do what works for you. MN isn't a great place to even mention being a sahm.

This is it. Women keep considering is their wage that covers childcare instead of half their wage.
Yes, they are only little once, and that's why you need to look at the future when they are independent and you have no idea what's going to look like.
Talk to mums with older children (maybe teenagers) and ask the same question.
They have already experienced issues that MN mums with small children chose to keep ignoring. My children are now teens and im so glad I have my career and also keep a great relationship with them. You can have both.
Keep your job, your career, its a life saver. You will be glad when they are in secondary school. You don't want to be the mum who facilitates her husbands great career while she is at home, until a few years later has to turn a blind eye if things turn sour.

Be independent. It's a good lesson for the children too.

But why? If the gender pay gap represents the fact that fewer women work than men/ choose part time, then who cares? As long as a woman who wants to do full time/earn XYZ isn't held back, then a random statistic taking into account women who don't want to do that surely doesn't matter?

Being at home with children is just as valid an occupation as having a job & should be treated with equal respect.

I also find it interesting that dads are never factored in to all this “time with the kids” they’ll never get back.

seems skewed that mums give up work but as a consequence dads are then the sole earner, so their focus becomes work and less on the kids.

then they split and wonder why dad has no relationship with the kids and doesn’t know their likes and dislikes, won’t step up etc.

why is it never suggested that both parents take a step back to cover childcare. Two parents on 0.7 WTE is better than one wage, it builds resilience should one be made redundant or lose their job, and means both stay in touch with their careers.

I’m a pt teacher. It’s easier, but still crap! Go and be a SAHM, if you don’t like the job and want to be around your kids then do it! Life is too short, I just wish I could afford it

I would quit the job.

For the last 12 months I haven’t worked (health reasons) and life has been so much calmer and more pleasant. There’s no rushing around, nobody is exhausted, everything is kept on top of and most importantly being able to spend so much more time with my children has been lovely. They really enjoy having me at home too and I just generally feel more ‘present’ in their lives.

I was still a present figure in their lives when I worked (obviously) but it’s much better now I’m at home every day.

My children are older than yours and I already feel like I’m losing my innocent little babies so my advice is to spend as much time with them as you possibly can.

I'm a former teacher and current sahm, I love it! I have a 2.4 year old and 9 month old, I won't lie to you - some days are haaaaard but go good outweigh the bad 10000 times over!

Surprised how many "no brainier!" type comments there are.

Presumably those MNers just avoid all the threads where women are posting about being screwed due to lack of independent finances and their own income - with or without a relationship breakdown.

Does your husband feel the same? Does he not want to spend more time with the kids?

did you even discuss it with him?

Sounds like you are a bit bitter to be honest. You do you and let other people live their lives the way they want to too!

Consider staying until the end of the school year and then you'll be paid for the summer holidays, without needing childcare. I'm a teacher too and the early years are tough. Going back will be fine, if you choose to try a new school.

In your situation I'd give up work.

I totally understand what you're saying about your wage being less than the childcare. It's not that you're using your wage alone to pay the childcare, but rather that you working, (and therefore needing childcare) is not actually adding anything to the family pot.

I'd plan it carefully, make sure you get NI credits, maybe contribute to a private pension if possible. Have an end point in mind, eg when both are in school/have funded nursery hours. Use the time to think about what you might want to do instead of teaching. Have a preemptive conversation with DH about what you want this to look like in terms of expectations around sharing money and chores. Try to limit the power imbalance it creates as much as possible.

Also something to consider - your DH may earn twice what you do now, but that may not always be the case - illness, redundancy, burn out etc... If that happened could you pick up the reigns and be the major earner?

MN is very naive and ‘head in the sand’ about these issues. And full of women telling each other to give up work. I find it depressing really. And it doesn’t reflect my experience IRL.

What a bizarre response.

What an interesting contribution.

Yep- I am now earning twice what my husband does as his earnings have stayed the same while mine has progressed up the scales.

I'd say yes, teaching is easier than law or accountancy to get back into. Do tutoring in the meantime.

He’s a teacher so he gets lots of time to spend with the children. He certainly saw them a lot more than I did when I was in work.

And did I discuss it with him? After seeing my health deteriorate so badly due to the pressures of work he was 100% behind me when I said I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Our lifestyle has had to change a lot over the last 12 months due to the loss of my income but giving up work was the right thing to do and neither of us regret the decision.

This 100%

What's bitter about that?

But what is different about this situation is that the OP has full visibility and control over the finances (the family money), she’s going to look into her pension, and moreover, she can go back to work at anytime, because of the profession she’s in.