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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I expect a thank you

136 replies

Williteverstopraining1 · 14/03/2024 20:24

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable here and a bit precious and should just let it go or if I'm justified in being rankled a bit.

My DP and I don't live together yet (we are planning to at some point when he can sell his house) and each have one DC, similar ages (pre teen). Kids get on well, I get on well with DP's child and vice versa him with mine.

So as to not drip feed, DP goes back to his parents at weekends when he has his DC as due to DP's exW having the house which he still pays 50% under the divorce he cannot afford anywhere suitable enough to live to have his DC over at weekends.

DP and exW are amicable and she's a pleasant person, we are civil, shes just not my cup of tea. We've messaged a few times about their DC so communication is open but I've only met her a few times in person when on the odd occasion I've been with DP when we've picked up DP's DC. All fine and friendly.

Once a month or so, DP and his DC come to mine for the whole weekend. Food costs, going out etc are split between my DP and I on these weekends. I wouldn't expect his exW to contribute as he has DC every weekend. However I never even get a thank you from DP's exW for having her over at my house. For the record, I don't get involved in parenting his DC as only known DC for a few years, I treat his DC more like a close niece/ nephew so it's not like his DC is expected to stay at my house as part of contact arrangements.
I do it as I love having his DC here as we have a great time all together.

AIBU to expect DP's exW to just say 'thanks for having her over at yours' in the same way I would do if my DC stayed at a friends house (including my parents who I always thank on the occasions they have my DC)?
She never has done so and I just feel there's no gratitude at all and it just grates a bit.

Not going to mention it to DP as dont want to appear petty and create issues where its only a little insignificant thing. But I just find it SO rude and it bugs me. Am i just being petty?

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 14/03/2024 20:27

yabu. Your DP should say thank you. Where he decides to bring his kids has nothing to do with her (beyond her giving permission)

Ilovelurchers · 14/03/2024 20:28

I don't think she needs to thank you as you aren't doing it as a favour to her, you are doing it as a favour for your boyfriend. She is probably just as happy for her kids to be staying with their grandparents, so why should she thank you when you aren't helping her in any way?

I've no doubt if she was stuck for childcare in an emergency during her times with the kids, and the child's dad and grandparents weren't available, and you offered childcare, THEN she would thank you. Because then you would be helping her.

But currently you aren't.

Does your boyfriend thank you? He should. Only him, not her.

Precipice · 14/03/2024 20:29

There's nothing for her to be grateful for. (She can be glad if you're treating the kids well, but that should be an expected norm.) It's your DP, the children's father, who is bringing them over to yours. It's when he has custody. Nothing to do with her.

Boomboxio · 14/03/2024 20:29

I think it would be really weird if she did thank you. You're not doing her a favour

downsizedilemma · 14/03/2024 20:30

I like to think that I am a polite person (send thank you cards etc) but it would not occur to me in a MILLION YEARS to thank my XP's new partner for having him and my child over at the weekend. The child is there because you are going out with their dad and their dad has custody at the weekend - you are not doing the mum a favour in any way shape or form.

WimpoleHat · 14/03/2024 20:30

You are due a thank you….but from your boyfriend, not from his ex wife!

MrsPeannut · 14/03/2024 20:31

Why does she have to show you gratitude? You’re not doing her a favour in any way. It’s your boyfriend who should be thanking you.

Heydiddlediddle10 · 14/03/2024 20:31

Your and you partners arrangement for the weekend is nothing for her to give thanks for.

lightbulb101 · 14/03/2024 20:32

Very weird to expect a thank you from her. He has the kid on the weekend so what he does with them is down to him and he's not doing her any favours, nor are you.

DuskyEvenings · 14/03/2024 20:32

Gaby as she doesn't think of the children coming to you. As far as she's concerned, the children are with their father. It's his choice where that happens. If you are looking for gratitude, it should be from your DP, not her.

sadie93 · 14/03/2024 20:33

Your DP is there too, and he's the one making those plans.

It's not the same as the example of your parents having your children, because their mother isn't involved at any stage of this plan.

Cosycover · 14/03/2024 20:33

No

gamerchick · 14/03/2024 20:34

No, it's your bloke who should be thanking you OP.

MakeTheRumourTrue · 14/03/2024 20:34

Lol. YABU. Your arrangement to have the kids at your house is with your partner. It is for your partner to say thank you to you, nothing to do with the ex.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/03/2024 20:36

She has no say over where her dc goes when with the ex, it’s not as though she has asked you to babysit. Does your dp say thank you?

Holypricks · 14/03/2024 20:37

Youre not doing Ex a favour though, it’s your DP and the child.

non issue

pictoosh · 14/03/2024 20:37

I don't think she needs to thank you, no.
You're not doing it for her...she has nothing to do with what happens when they are with their dad.

seven201 · 14/03/2024 20:39

Yabu, of course she doesn't need to thank you. I think It would be weird if she did.

Peekaboobo · 14/03/2024 20:40

She is under no obligation to thank you when the children are in their fathers charge. That is for him to do.

britneyisfree · 14/03/2024 20:41

You're nuts tbh and I'm not a step parent or blended family but no way at all would I expect if I split from DH to be thanking his new misses. No matter how friendly we might be. LMAO

Mum2threemonkeys · 14/03/2024 20:43

YABU why should she have to thank you ?

FeetUpAndTeaPlease · 14/03/2024 20:46

What they do on their dad's time is nothing to do with her, so no, she shouldn't be thanking you.

If you don't really like her, I think you should spend as little time thinking about her as possible, for your own good really.

Teacupsandrollups · 14/03/2024 20:48

Weird. You’re not babysitting the children, they’re only staying in your house because you want your boyfriend to stay.
As if she has any need to feel grateful or send her thanks, lol.

milesmachine · 14/03/2024 20:48

This is one of the more bonkers posts

To even mention that you 'don't expect ExW to contribute to costs' when they stay with you is MADNESS. Why would this even enter your head? It's your DPs contact time

You need to seriously recalibrate and look at your DP for a thank you

Untethered · 14/03/2024 20:53

Why does she need to thank you?!

You’re not having the dc for her, you’re having them for him.

Your issue is your ex is cocklodging at yours one weekend every month and expecting you to pay 50/50 to feed his kids, but you’re taking out that resentment on the wrong person and looking for the nearest woman to blame.