Should I expect a thank you

[Williteverstopraining1]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable here and a bit precious and should just let it go or if I'm justified in being rankled a bit.

My DP and I don't live together yet (we are planning to at some point when he can sell his house) and each have one DC, similar ages (pre teen). Kids get on well, I get on well with DP's child and vice versa him with mine.

So as to not drip feed, DP goes back to his parents at weekends when he has his DC as due to DP's exW having the house which he still pays 50% under the divorce he cannot afford anywhere suitable enough to live to have his DC over at weekends.

DP and exW are amicable and she's a pleasant person, we are civil, shes just not my cup of tea. We've messaged a few times about their DC so communication is open but I've only met her a few times in person when on the odd occasion I've been with DP when we've picked up DP's DC. All fine and friendly.

Once a month or so, DP and his DC come to mine for the whole weekend. Food costs, going out etc are split between my DP and I on these weekends. I wouldn't expect his exW to contribute as he has DC every weekend. However I never even get a thank you from DP's exW for having her over at my house. For the record, I don't get involved in parenting his DC as only known DC for a few years, I treat his DC more like a close niece/ nephew so it's not like his DC is expected to stay at my house as part of contact arrangements.
I do it as I love having his DC here as we have a great time all together.

AIBU to expect DP's exW to just say 'thanks for having her over at yours' in the same way I would do if my DC stayed at a friends house (including my parents who I always thank on the occasions they have my DC)?
She never has done so and I just feel there's no gratitude at all and it just grates a bit.

Not going to mention it to DP as dont want to appear petty and create issues where its only a little insignificant thing. But I just find it SO rude and it bugs me. Am i just being petty?

Thanks for the feedback. Im clearly taking it to heart too much.
My DP does thank me. Hes a great guy and he wouldn't dream of not saying thank you, even in a similar reversed situation. He thanks his parents every weekend for having them at thiers despite it being the norm. Thats one of the reasons I'm with him, we have the same views and values on life.
I would have just thought that surely it was common courtesy to say a brief thank you to someone who is having my child stay at their house who is not obliged to when you hand do a hand over. Not because DP's exW owes me anything, she doesnt. But its just polite. I would say thank you if it was the other way around.

Guess I've just been brought up to be more polite than the rest of the population 😆 (and maybe a bit more bonkers @milesmachine 🤪)

I don’t think you’re polite, OP.

It’s rude of you to expect a thank you from a woman who has nothing to do with you.

I don’t think you understand as you have never had to do this. There is no one to thank, seriously, it is not her contact time.

Certainly you’re not obliged to; but you wouldn’t, unless your boyfriend was there too 🤷🏻‍♀️
You’re not doing them or her any favours.
I don’t think expecting thanks for this makes you “more polite” than the rest of us, actually.
A bit stranger, perhaps.

Haha @Untethered
Not sure where you get the idea he's cocklodging 😆 He pays 50/50 the weekends he's with me as he doesnt expect me to pay for his DC and him and I don't expect him to pay for me and my DC. Last time I looked 50/50 when you each have a child is equal. Not cocklodging 🤣🤣

Fair enough not cocklodging as you have a kid too.

But you seem to resent something because it’s really not normal that you expect a thank you from his ex.

Guess I've just been brought up to be more polite than the rest of the population

Posters disagreeing with you does not mean that they are not polite.🙄

It be very strange to say thank you in this situation. I think you Abit rude up to expect it. Yabu

No, I just expect people to be generally polite. I thank people for holding the door open for me, delivery people who come to my house. I don't know them, I don't owe them anything but I still say thank you as its just polite!
Obviously it's very odd to be polite!

If the ex-partner of a man I was dating contacted me to thank me for having his child with him at my house, I would think she was up to something shady, looking to interfere or was some kind of bunny boiler. I certainly wouldn’t think oh gosh isn’t she lovely and polite.

Obviously it's very odd to be polite!
Yeah, obviously it isn’t, you just have a skewed idea of what politeness looks like.

But they are doing you a favour, you aren't doing his ex a favour. The child's father is carrying out what is his responsibility, you as a couple have decided that his contact is going to take place at your house, it wouldn't be polite to thank you, because the situation doesn't call for it.

just to repeat what everyone else is saying. She isn't doing anything for you.

Someone holding a door is doing something for you, so saying thank you is ok.

Someone delivering a parcel is doing something for you, so saying thanks is ok.

The location of the children on the father's contact weekend, is doing nothing for the mother at all.

So no need at all for a thank you

Why should she thank you? They are his weekends, that he takes them to your home is his business, nothing to do with her.

This has nothing to do with politeness. Someone opening the door for you is doing something for you, hence the thank you.

You are doing absolutely nothing for your boyfriend’s ex. Whether or not you hosted them, his child would still be with him. It is not for her benefit in any shape or form.

I think it’s you who doesn’t understand manners and politeness OP!

But those people are doing things for you so of course it’s polite to thank them.

You aren’t doing anything for his ex so it’s unreasonable to expect her thank you. It’s actually really sexist as you’re effectively saying the mum is the default parent and your boyfriend isn’t an equal parent.

It not her contact weekend, so why would she thank you? You’re doing your DP a favour by having his DC, not here. I think a thank you would be really weird in this scenario.
Does your partner thank you for having them both?

Your relationship is with DP, not his ex. And saying 'thanks for having them'. It would be polite but so what. You said you are polite with her. That's all you need to do really. I don't think it's the sword to be falling upon.

You've been told unanimously that YABU and you've come back to tell posters that you are obviously just more polite than them....I don't think it's your DP's XW who has the problem with rudeness!

You are being ridiculous. Does HE thank you? He's the one who's meant to be looking after and housing his kid for that weekend. It's him that should be grateful.

You having your boyfriend and his kid over is in NO WAY comparable to you getting someone to babysit for you.

Get a grip.

You don't have a clue what politeness is, op.

Why the fuck should she thank you for her DC staying at your place during contact time with their Dad?! You're no-one to her and she owes you nothing.
Bonkers....

Is this thread a windup? Unlike delivery drivers, people holding doors open for you etc, his ex-wife has absolutely NOTHING to thank you for. They are your boyfriend's responsibility on those weekends, it is no concern of their mother where he takes them. If she took them to her parents/boyfriend/sisters in her contact time, would your boyfriend thank them for looking after his children?

Think of it like this

DBf has his child. He takes her to have her hair cut and leaves a small tip. Kid goes outside, gets an ice cream but drops it, ice cream man replaces it for free, DBf says thanks. He goes to his Mom's and she cooks them tea, he says thanks.

Do you think the Mom should call up the salon and offer a second tip from her, then chase down the ice cream man and thank him then phone the Mil and thank her?

Or, should his care givers thanks be adequate?