Should I expect a thank you

[Williteverstopraining1]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable here and a bit precious and should just let it go or if I'm justified in being rankled a bit.

My DP and I don't live together yet (we are planning to at some point when he can sell his house) and each have one DC, similar ages (pre teen). Kids get on well, I get on well with DP's child and vice versa him with mine.

So as to not drip feed, DP goes back to his parents at weekends when he has his DC as due to DP's exW having the house which he still pays 50% under the divorce he cannot afford anywhere suitable enough to live to have his DC over at weekends.

DP and exW are amicable and she's a pleasant person, we are civil, shes just not my cup of tea. We've messaged a few times about their DC so communication is open but I've only met her a few times in person when on the odd occasion I've been with DP when we've picked up DP's DC. All fine and friendly.

Once a month or so, DP and his DC come to mine for the whole weekend. Food costs, going out etc are split between my DP and I on these weekends. I wouldn't expect his exW to contribute as he has DC every weekend. However I never even get a thank you from DP's exW for having her over at my house. For the record, I don't get involved in parenting his DC as only known DC for a few years, I treat his DC more like a close niece/ nephew so it's not like his DC is expected to stay at my house as part of contact arrangements.
I do it as I love having his DC here as we have a great time all together.

AIBU to expect DP's exW to just say 'thanks for having her over at yours' in the same way I would do if my DC stayed at a friends house (including my parents who I always thank on the occasions they have my DC)?
She never has done so and I just feel there's no gratitude at all and it just grates a bit.

Not going to mention it to DP as dont want to appear petty and create issues where its only a little insignificant thing. But I just find it SO rude and it bugs me. Am i just being petty?

Guess I've just been brought up to be more polite than the rest of the population

I have too. And I think you’re bonkers.

I think you have quite a singular view of what politeness entails.
In real life, I'm very well-mannered and friendly, but I never once expected my ex's first wife to 'thank me' when her children stayed with us.

Exactly this.

Do you want her to bow down and kiss your feet as well? She's got nothing to thank you for. You and her, be civil, but you are nothing to her and vice versa.

Blimey.

This is one of the most bizarre posts. Why on earth would she thank you. Whatever happens to her child when she’s with her dad is down to him. If you agreed to this arrangement then I wouldn’t even expect him to be thanking you either. I am incredibly polite but that’s batshit op.

I think you must feel resentful towards your DP at heart. You can’t really think she ought to thank you?

Does your child's father have contact? Do you thank the people they spend time with?

No. If you were to take them on her contact time without your DP then she would thank you.

You aren't helping her out in any way whatsoever, and the only reason that you have the DC with you is because you want a relationship with their dad - that's for your benefit not hers.

Odd thread.

I think if she thanked you it would infer she thought she was more important or had greater control of the child than the Dad. It seems as if you want to be acknowledged for being a substitute weekend parent and for the ex to grateful. She could express gratitude for you being welcoming, kind, making the transition easier etc. But not for just them being there

Does your boyfriend seek out everybody who ever hosts his kids in the time they are with their mom and thank those people personally? He's a "great guy" by your own admission, so if this is correct etiquette surely he should do this? Yet I doubt he does.....

I think your post is grating on people (me included) because there seems to be an element of sexism - as it it's women's role to care for kids so the ex should thank you as the woman taking over her duty of care for the weekend - as if the dad is just an accessory, or perhaps some kind of omnipotent distant overseer....

That the fact that every single person says you are wrong to expect this, so the conclusion you have drawn is that nobody else has any manners. Do you consider it possible you could ever be wrong about anything, or does that not happen?.

You said you wouldn't expect the ex to contribute to food or outings when dp and child come over to yours. I should think not! Why has this thought even crossed your mind?

No, what you are describing is not impolite. Over 95% of posters disagree with you and yet we’re all wrong apparently.

Yabu

Do you expect your dps parents to thank you for having him over the weekend too? Afterall it does mean they have their house to themselves for the weekend

Oh dear.

No way! 'I wouldn't expect her to co tribute!' Hahahahahaha why would she??

And in this case thanking is parents is definitely what he should be doing, despite it being the norm . How totally rude if he didn’t! But this is different. They are doing him a favour!

What. I don’t understand why you are expecting ex wife to thank you. That’s your partners job. I think you’re being weird and need to let this go x

No, its the child's time with dad why on earth should the mum say thankyou she has no decision in what he arranges. It isn't to help her out the child will be with dad anyway.
YABU

If you had the children on her weekend then it would be sensible and normal for her to thank you.

But it's his weekend, it's nothing to do with her!

@Williteverstopraining1 you don't have better manners than anyone else, nor are you more polite. You are just expecting appreciation from someone who hasn't got any reason to thank you.

If you are thanking everyone your DC is with when they are with their non-resident parent, you need to row back.It's ridiculously over the top

If you aren't, look at your double standards. Why should she thank you for accomodating HIS time with his child?

Obviously it's very odd to be polite!

You seem to think you are the only one who knows manners and how to be polite, yet the vast majority of posters think YABU.
We can’t all be wrong.

This

Ilovelurchers · Today 21:40
Does your boyfriend seek out everybody who ever hosts his kids in the time they are with their mom and thank those people personally? He's a "great guy" by your own admission, so if this is correct etiquette surely he should do this? Yet I doubt he does.....

Absolutely spot on @Ilovelurchers 100% agree.

I very much doubt the boyfriend goes round thanking everyone who hosts his children, when they are on their mum's "time".

If the Op expects a thank you from the boyfriend's ex, then she should be expecting her boyfriend to pick up the phone and thank all the ex's friends who have had his children over at their homes.

Maybe she would prefer the children stay home with her but is aware the best thing is for them to also have time in Dad's care. You should feel honoured to be allowed to be part of that arrangement and thank her.....?

We are polite you are petty. HTH.

He’s spun you a right sob story, hasn’t he?

No, she doesn’t need to thank you for having her ex and HIS child over.