Should I expect a thank you

[Williteverstopraining1]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable here and a bit precious and should just let it go or if I'm justified in being rankled a bit.

My DP and I don't live together yet (we are planning to at some point when he can sell his house) and each have one DC, similar ages (pre teen). Kids get on well, I get on well with DP's child and vice versa him with mine.

So as to not drip feed, DP goes back to his parents at weekends when he has his DC as due to DP's exW having the house which he still pays 50% under the divorce he cannot afford anywhere suitable enough to live to have his DC over at weekends.

DP and exW are amicable and she's a pleasant person, we are civil, shes just not my cup of tea. We've messaged a few times about their DC so communication is open but I've only met her a few times in person when on the odd occasion I've been with DP when we've picked up DP's DC. All fine and friendly.

Once a month or so, DP and his DC come to mine for the whole weekend. Food costs, going out etc are split between my DP and I on these weekends. I wouldn't expect his exW to contribute as he has DC every weekend. However I never even get a thank you from DP's exW for having her over at my house. For the record, I don't get involved in parenting his DC as only known DC for a few years, I treat his DC more like a close niece/ nephew so it's not like his DC is expected to stay at my house as part of contact arrangements.
I do it as I love having his DC here as we have a great time all together.

AIBU to expect DP's exW to just say 'thanks for having her over at yours' in the same way I would do if my DC stayed at a friends house (including my parents who I always thank on the occasions they have my DC)?
She never has done so and I just feel there's no gratitude at all and it just grates a bit.

Not going to mention it to DP as dont want to appear petty and create issues where its only a little insignificant thing. But I just find it SO rude and it bugs me. Am i just being petty?

Guess I've just been brought up to be more polite than the rest of the population 😆 (and maybe a bit more bonkers @milesmachine 🤪)

Yeaaahhh. Let’s go with bonkers shall we. As for you comparing this to someone who holds a door open for you…….. you really can’t see how this is different? The ex-wife doesn’t get a say/choice in where he takes his child in his time. Maybe be she doesn’t like that he takes their child to your house, maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t care either way. Holding the door open for someone is a choice, it’s in no way the same.

But, sure, you go with your thoughts that you are politer than the rest of the sane population🙄.

I thank people for holding the door open for me and delivery people but I would not expect a thank you in this situation. It is completely different. If don't see that then there's something not right in your head.

You are not doing his wife a favour or providing a service for her, so why should she thank you. Wanting recognition and gratitude from your husbands ex is a touch sadistic.

What would she be thanking you for exactly? It's your partner who has chosen to have them there with him, he should say thanks as he doesn't live with you

It just sounds like the OP wants to be seen as a gracious lady bountiful who bestows her hospitality upon the children.

@Williteverstopraining1

Why did you even mention that he pays 50/50 when at yours but his ex doesn’t contribute anything? You said you wouldn’t expect her to, but the fact that you even mentioned it means that actually… you’ve got a nagging feeling that she should be paying you back. Do you think that?

It’s their dad’s time with them. He is financially responsible for them during his time, so he has to cover whatever activity he chooses and that includes a weekend at yours. Why would the finances even enter the same sentence as the ex? Unless you actually think she should pay something. And that’s disgusting.

No if you want thanks it would need to come from the child's father. Exw hasn't made this arrangement and is not involved. If she personally asks you to babysit for her. Then yes she should say thank you

But they're doing you a favour? You are not doing your DP's ExW a favour. It's not a case of being polite or not, what he chooses to do with his kids on his weekends, is exactly that - HIS choice, not hers, so why on earth would she need to thank you?!

It's definitely not a case of you being more polite than most of the population, she just literally has no reason to thank you, and most of the (MN) population can see that!

YABU. Unless the children's mother expressly asked you to have the DC over at your house, then no she doesn't owe you any thanks.

I wonder if your own high standard of "politeness" is actually people-pleasing tendencies in disguise? So because it's something you yourself would do you expect the same from others even though it's totally unnecessary in this particular situation?

This is odd to me. Your DP comes with a kid as part of the package.

Guess I've just been brought up to be more polite than the rest of the population 😆

No you are being weird about this. Does DP text people who host his daughter when she's with her Mum? For example if she went for tea or sleep over at friends or other grandparents? Does his ex message his parents on the weekend they stay at theirs?