Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

Easier with one, without a doubt. Twins so I didn’t have the choice.

Easier with one. I look back on how stressful I found having one and just think ‘twat’. I am in the trenches of them both being little though.

Definitely easier with one. We have two now and I sometimes reminisce how much easier we had it then! Not that I'd change it now.. but it was easier for sure.

Much easier with 1. I would not change my choice though.

Two is definitely harder. Way, way harder.

But remember that all sibling relationships are different. Some entertain each other and form a little team that lasts forever. Others fight like cat and dog (mine!). As mine get older I do see what they gain from each other, but I also see the amount of individual care and attention they lost.

You can't generalise about the benefit of sibling relationships, any more than you can assume married people are happy. If you want to have another child, do it. But don't do it 'for the sake of' your first child. And don't kid yourself that a second child doesn't double the workload.

We have two, but we have a six year age gap, so having a child at school, fully toilet trained, independent eater, dresser etc meant that we found going from one to two fairly easy.

I found the hardest transition was 0-1. Having a second was much easier (although losing your evenings again was hard). The third was easy in comparison! But I am talking about life adjustments rather than financial planning obv.

Of course it’s generally easier with one. Nobody with a newborn thinks this would be so much easier with an extra toddler/ older child!

I have 2 now primary age and they get on well meaning I don’t really have to engage in imaginary/ pretend play (thank fuck) because they have each other. But there is still bickering and extra curricular activities would be so much easier to manage with just one.

Despite this never regretted 2 as their bond is just lovely.

Easier with two from about 4 or 5. I know a lot of people with one child and they spend a lot of effort entertaining them or seeking out opportunities for them to be with other kids. Mine play together all day at the weekend.

2 is more work than the sum of their parts I think, so more than double the workload of 1. Although I agree with the above that it at least dilutes the amount of imaginative play you have to engage in.

DS1 is 4 and DS2 is nearly 2. When only one of them is in the house it feels like a holiday. However, I would never ever regret having DS2.

They do play together and that probably makes it easier, in some ways, than having just one of them.

This year has been horrifically expensive as we are paying for two lots of childcare. However we kept all the clothes and baby stuff from DS1 so the initial outlay for DS2 was much less. The cost of holidays hasn't changed much as we just stay in cottages or airbnbs and we don't fly.

Obviously when they're bigger we'll be paying for two lots of clubs and driving lessons and university fees etc, so it will be more expensive than one in that sense.

My DC are 7 and 9 and currently each others best friend - it’s generally easier when they’re both together as they keep each other entertained. I think having one would mean having to be much more active in keeping them occupied.

There was definitely a stage when having two was harder than one but never to the degree that I in any way regretted having two.

Mostly easier with 1. With 1 child, when they were busy we were free, so if they napped/went on a playdate etc, we could do what we wanted. With 2 this rarely happens. We used to alternate bedtime, so had every second night 'off'. With 2 we both usually get involved as they like different stories etc. (Obviously this isn't essential and 1 of us manages fine if the other is out). 2 lots of homework to manage, 2 lots of clubs/parties to coordinate lifts to, 2 lots of parents evening/class assembly/sports day etc to attend

The big pro to having 2 is they play together and I don't have to do so much of the pretend play etc. They do argue too of course! I would never be without either of mine, but it is more work.

Mine are 7 and 10 and I find it difficult when they fight / squabble and taking them to different activities.

On the flip side they have each other to play with (when they're not trying to murder one another) and they have a lot of only child friends who seem to find it very difficult to occupy themselves at home.

I was an only child and it could get quite lonely but DH had a brother and said he'd rather have been an only child 😂 swings and roundabouts I guess.

Financially it's obviously going to be more expensive for two. Mentally and practically it's also a challenge but there are different challenges in only having one.

We have 2 and expecting a third. One definitely easier than two overall and obviously much cheaper. However second DC was and is 'easier' personality than DC1 and in lots of ways it was/is an easier experience as a parent. But overall it's still more difficult being pulled between two of them and all that goes with that. Plus DC2 has some additional needs that we obviously couldn't forsee which has added a slight extra layer of complexity on top.

Obviously I don't regret it though and see lots of benefits, particularly as we are now expecting a third.

I disagree - easier with two as they play together and there are less requests for me to play!

So much easier with 1. So much....and I have a 4 year age gap

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I have a 2.5yo and a just turned 4yo with non verbal ASD and OMG it’s been 4 years of stressful, exhausting, tedious, grotty BULLS* 😂

would not recommend, honestly don’t even feel like I’m parenting when I just have one. It’s like a holiday with just one!

Wish I could have had a second, wasn't to be.

We have two children, now both over 30, born 20 months apart. I wouldn't change it. It was very, very hard work at first, and there was nothing like enough sleep for several years. It was of course also expensive. All worth it, though. It helped a great deal that once they were past the toddler years our children got on very well, and that's the thing you can't predict.

I'll just add that within my own family I have one sibling. We weren't all that close growing up. However, in the last few years, as our parents have got older, and particularly since our Dad died, we've found it invaluable to have each other for support. It would have been a lonely time to be coping with this with no sibling, for me, anyway. (Obviously if we couldn't stand each other or couldn't agee, it would have made matters worse, and it could have ended up that way.)

I think in most cases having one kid is easier for the parents and worse for the kid. Of course there’s no guarantee your children (if you face more than 1) will get on and like each other but I think most people value their sibling relationships. Undoubtedly 2 is harder though (we have a 2 yr old and a 3 month old)

I remember asking my husband "how did we think it was difficult with one?". I'm afraid it's definitely harder with two.

Two is three times harder than one....

Easier with one to begin with, then it gets more nuanced. Time at home is way easier for me with two than one. Not when they were babies / toddlers, but now they're primary age. That isn't true for everyone though, so in terms of ease, I'd stick with one. I love having two though and wish I could've had more tbh

Two was harder than or but not twice as hard. I found 0-1 extremely difficult, 1-2 not as bad as expected. Would have had a third but DH said no. I found that I had more head space with two as they entertained each other a fair amount. Didn’t fight much which was lucky. It’s obviously physically more work and more expensive. I didn’t want an only child I was very lonely so I was never going to stop at one if I got my choice.