Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

Easier with one when they are younger and rely on you for everything but easier with 2 when they get older and can entertain/play with each other, assuming they get along.

3.5 years between my first 2. Definitely much much easier with one. Not so much the financial stuff that was an issue but the years and years of constant bickering, fighting,tale telling in each other constantly . So draining. Couldn't take them anywhere without them fighting and arguing. BTW they are now 32 and 28. They are able to tolerate and be polite to each other where they have to meet up (. Funerals mainly) but no relationship otherwise.

Never have a second child to " give," the first one a sibling

I have one and personally I’m sure I’d find it harder with two. More drudgery, beds to strip and make, more sheets to wash, clothes to wash, towels to wash, dishes to wash, nappies to change etc etc. I’m barely on top of what needs done for the three of us (DH does other household stuff and some of his own washing). Add more sleeplessness, less time to myself, refereeing arguments, ferrying to multiple activities, double childcare costs, having to work with competing interests, less space in the house, more pressure on our marriage and so on and it sounds exhausting and a bit miserable (for me, I know lots love having multiples).

I love giving lots of my time to my daughter, being able to quickly pack up and go off on an adventure, being able to do activities based on her age and abilities, and that we can manage things that are already a bit tricky like swimming and eating out because we can give her our attention. Just my personal feelings on it.

I have 2 and they entertain each other 99% of the time. Not sure I would have wanted just one as that sibling connection is undeniable. So I think 2 is easier xx

Of course managing two nervous systems is going to be harder than one. I think a lot of it depends on the temperament and nature of the children though.

You might be lucky and have two good eaters / sleepers who are content and easy going and have a sunny disposition. You might be "unlucky" and end up with the opposite or as with most people you'll land somewhere in the middle.

Going from 0-1 was the hardest as literally nothing prepares you but my first DC was one of those really easy babies (and he still is easy 11 years later). DC2 was very high needs, cried all the time, couldn't be put down, didn't sleep (co-slept and breast fed until aged almost 3!). If she'd been the first who knows if there'd have been a second.

Im forever thankful that I stuck at one.Ds 10 is everything I need I never had an urge to have another,dh felt the same.

Yes when they are small it's hard, there is 16 months difference between mine. However, now I think it's easier and during COVID it was a god send. They play together and although they fight, they have each other and don't rely on me to constantly play with them etc.

I love having two!!

I only have one but find it very easy. My friends with 2 just have more stress, less money and more time dealing with sibling rivalry. Of my 3 close friends the younger one is a different sex from the older and there's a bit of a gap (4 year plus). The younger ones all have additional needs to which adds to stress. The kids don't play together.

My child is very self sufficient and I didn't need to spend lots of additional time playing with them. We have a super close relationship and our house is calm. Dc does lots of sports so it's always busy and can devote our time to that. They also have cousins of same sex and similar age that they see often and weekends are spent taking turns at sleepovers. When dc is away for a sleepover or an activity dh and I have time to go out for the time or chill at home and watch a movie. One wasn't our plan but that's the way it was but I'm extremely grateful and love the family we've created.

I think the age gap when the second is born is crucial. If it had been 3.5 plus years it would have been infinitely easier than a 2 year old and newborn. Hardest time of my life. But now we’re rewarded with a small age gap, they are best friends, play together (argue of course), only 2 schools years apart. It’s exhausting but fun. So worth it further down the line. Oldest has some friends with siblings with a much bigger gap and having a 1 year old to hang out with when you are 6 just isn’t the same

Haha, I didn't even say that I had a two school year gap withy own sister and she was a bloody nightmare around exams. Hers were always oh so important and stressful compared to mine...

You're overthinking things. Of course on paper, working it out clinically we would all stick with one.
My second child is my sunshine, I adore him and never regretted going from 1 to 2 for even a second. Going from 0-1 was far harder!

True enough, on paper, you'd probably never have kids at all if you just weighed up the effort and expense. 😁