Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

2 kids are at least 5 times harder than one!

Between my 2 I have 8 different activities to get them separately to. And they fight, constantly!

It depends on the child, my DS2 was a really easy child, if exhausting, so it definitely wasn't twice the work and the third didn't really make a difference

The one thing I ABSOLUTELY HATE with two is both of them going "mummy mummy mummy" to me over each other at the same time. It makes me want to scream.

On the other hand, last night I caught them after bedtime curled up in the same armchair while the big one read to the small one because the small one was scared. 😍

I actually found the transition from 1-2 harder than from 0-1!

I think two is really hard. Mine are 4 and nearly 2.

It's expensive (both in nursery), and we never get time for ourselves or as a couple.

Mine are also very different personalities / needs too which also adds to the difficulty.

I found the jump from 0-1 DC much harder than the jump from 1-2.

But practically and physically, 2 is much harder than 1, despite my youngest being a very easy child. DH and I both work 4 days per week. I have no idea how working parents manage with more than 2 children unless they have a nanny or lots of grandparent help

Harder with two but not twice as hard. But I think circumstances dictate this -DH will automatically deal with one while I’m dealing with the other, we both work from home, eldest is a great sleeper, we can afford childcare. Also lucky that they mostly get on.

We are an ND household and have two kids, five year age gap and different sexes. They don't do anything together, seemingly dislike each other, and it's hard work.

I love them but I wish I had stopped at one. Life would be so much less stressful. I can't see it getting easier to one of them leaves home, and that will be years. It's quite depressing to be honest. It makes me so sad that they don't get on at all.

For us, going from 0-1 was so flipping hard that 1-2 felt pretty straightforward. Our second is also a much easier child.

Having said that, it would still be a lot easier with one child, even though our eldest generates 80% of the stress. Just avoiding the squabbling would be a lot easier in itself. And then there’s the competing demands on time, different interests, trying to make sure things are “equal” as regards playdates and presents and activities… did I mention the squabbling??

It’s harder with two in a way but I found it easier going from 1-2 than from 0-1.

I do find it hard never having a moment to myself but it’s not forever. I feel a bit bad for Ds as my DD is quite needy at the moment. But I cook for one I cook for two, I’m going to a group, both get dragged along, it’s fine. I love DD so much, I am so so glad I had her. I did hesitate about trying for a second because of my age but I’m so glad I did.

I had less than 2 years with only one, only a year before pregnant so don't really remember it!! Love two now they are 17 and 15.
Being close in age we've had it easier with similar interests, only one school year apart so from 3-17 I've only had one year in different schools (so much easier for logistics!)
They bounce off each other, argue sometimes, and dance round the kitchen with each other which is just fab

I found two much easier than one. I don't mind the logistics, but both my kids want full on non stop social interaction. Even from babyhood, they provided that for each other.

For me it didn’t really matter. I found there were pluses and minuses with 2 over 1. Wouldn’t have changed my approach even now as they are both over 18 now

15 month difference between mine- I'm much poorer, knackered, overstimulated by the noise and fed up of breaking up fights, etc. but I wouldn't change a thing- both DC have complete opposite personalities and bring so much joy to my life (mostly)!

If I could go back I wouldn't have any at all.
I have two and it is soooo hard!

Two is harder but worth it because they love each other when not trying to kill each other and I'm so glad I didn't miss out on having DD. She's my younger one and she's just a joy. Mostly. When she's not intentionally winding up her brother. I think it's just about how you see your family, really. I wanted two, it's harder, took longer to get through the tunnel, but I'm so glad we did it.

Omg- the "mummmmmmy" on loop! And the "look at this"for every. Single. Bloody. Thing.

I found going from zero to one incredibly tough. Going from one to two was super easy and actually a really lovely time in our lives. No more loss of my previous life. I’d mourned that with no. 1 so it was just full of love. I’d have had another if I hadn’t been sterilised during elective section.

0-1 was definitely harder and a huge shock compared to 1-2 for me.

In terms of on going effort 1 child is always going to be easier.
Mine were under 18 months apart so the preschool years were a blur, most stages over fairly swiftly.

The DC always have someone to play and argue with that's not just you. And there's already lots of the clothes, baby equipment and toys so little need to buy much else.

I don't regret having two DC ever. Mine are both teens now, and we still have the most expensive years ahead but I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Of course two is harder than one. You have double the workload, double the attention, you can't divide and conquer, one do bed time while other tidies up as then who puts no. 2 to bed.

I have 3 dd's lots of hard work, lots of running about, you have to completely take a back seat for a few years but I wouldn't change it.

I have twin girls, now 6. Bit different in that I've raised them alone (left the Father when they were 5 months, although our marriage was clearly over during the early stages of pregnancy!) and both have SEN and complex needs.
The first few years felt like absolute hell and passed in a blur. Had no one to one time with either until they were 5.
During the past few months, things have got SO much better and I love being a parent these days (always loved them, just not always been in love with parenting) and I am SO glad I had 2.

I have three dc. Two (even less than 3 years apart) was an absolute breeze. Yet my third dc broke me lol. Don’t get me wrong he’s funny and amazing young man now that’s he’s grown up (pre teen) but from the ages of 2-10 he was hard work. Two kids under the age of 3 was a walk in the park in comparison lol.

Yes judging by friends.. easier when their babies or toddlers.. school age they fight fight fight..but worse than having three ..but I'm sure amazing when they grow ups... honestly op if you want another have one for you and dh..

One is one, two is twenty… or so it feels some days! No doubt one is easier but like you say, as they get older they have one another. No regrets having two but definitely think I’m done!

I think ‘twat’ when I look back at not savouring the newborn stage enough. Sitting on my couch, breastfeeding and watching Netflix. More of that please!

OP, I found the transition really tough, but as they get older, I think it has a lot of perks. They both always have someone to play with, when they laugh together it’s honestly the best feeling ever…. Actually, that’s all I’ve got. It’s hard 😕….

….But worth it 😙. I’d do it a million times over.

Sorry, I was actually supposed to quote @Supertayto’s post lol.