Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

I found 1 really hard. 2 was easy in comparison! (2 year age gap). I think it was because I knew what I was doing by then.

Have 3 now, yes it's hard but worth it. When they comfort each other or crack each other up 😍

100% easier with one, however I wouldn't change it and it is only Now at 4years old and 18 months old that it's becoming harder; it's been easy up to now.

Having one kid is so easy haha but I only know that because I have two which is very difficult when they're small. The only thing that is sometimes a bit easier is that they play together which can give me a momentary break. When I'm looking after one at a time, they want constant attention.
Wouldn't change it though at all.
Financially, as long as you can house, feed dress them etc, all is well. There's too much uncertainty in the future to make it worth worrying about uni costs Etc.

Yes it's harder in the sense that by definition you have two individuals' needs to meet and to do that well and equally involves time, money and emotional and practical investment. The degree to which people experience that as hard, obviously varies from person to person and changes over time.

Easier with one especially when they are small but after the youngest is about 8 then it’s much easier.

Mine are 11 & 13. Two is easier for me.

It was intensive in terms of care from me until the youngest was 4, partly because I invested a LOT of attention and energy into giving them the emotional tools for good sharing, appreciating each others point of view and conflict resolution and I think that paid dividends cos they use those skills all the time and aggravation rarely escalates. They are very different characters and get on really well.

But because they have a great relationship I don't have to be all things, I can just be mum and if that's fun mum or getting on with jobs mum I don't have to also be a playmate, there's more attention to go round.

So I think two is harder when both pre school but after that easier.

Two is definitely harder than one. It feels like a holiday when we take one child each on separate day trips . We have a 5 year age gap so they've never been into the same things at the same time either and they don't get on. Every outing is a compromise. I did have a friend who had 8 children and said by child 4 the older ones start looking after the younger ones but I couldn't bring myself to risk it.

My 2year old sons toys seem to have taken over and although my 5 year old daughter still enjoys playing with some of them I would like to find a toy she could have and use for herself. She’s very Hypo-sensory and generally gravitates towards more physical play or ‘messy play’ activities but does also enjoy playing with kitchens, play food and soft toys. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Not my experience at all. Child two pretty much slotted in. It was more years of sleep deprivation but absolutely not twice as hard. My first born was hard work
so I was pleasantly surprised when child two was easier. That’s us though, can’t make general statements.

At the start two is harder but once they're past the toddler age then two is easier. Mine are 6 and 8 play together beautifully and have for a while. They entertain each other and I can get on with things.

Easier with one. I never understood the argument to the contrary.
I have 3 and love them to pieces. I wouldn't be without them. But my life would have been a million times easier with just my eldest child.

I had one, then two near in age later. Definitely easier with two, in my experience.

Find 2 easier now they are at an age they play together- leaves me a lot of time to crack on with chores rather than feeling guilty leaving one alone.

There is an expression; the difference between 1child & 2 is like the difference between a pet and a zoo.

I agree with this and I have 4. The change from 1 to 2 was harder. After 2 you have submit 😭

Easier with one. Before I had 2 I thought I was a natural born mother 😂, 2 was a shock to the system and is by far harder. Although they have each other the arguments they have with each other can be awful. On the very rare occasion I have just one with me (it doesn’t matter which one), it feels so much easier to manage and is how I remember parenting being when I just had one! Those were the days! I love them both equally though and wouldn’t be without them now.

Yes, this is my experience. Mine are 6 and 4 and play together nicely (sometimes). When they were 3 and 1 and I was losing my MIND. A friend with just a 6 year old found early years easier -two parents to one toddler. Now, her child is bored and needs lots of interaction. Although, my friend only has half the child life-admin that I do.

No one really goes into it for ease or affordability though, do they? Otherwise we’d all have none. Of course I recognise that sticking at one would have been easier and cheaper, having none even more so. Doesn’t mean having two wasn’t my preference and exactly the right choice.

In the short term 1-2 was a big adjustment and of course harder as juggling a baby and a toddler was more complicated than just focussing all my attention on one. Once they turned 1&2 it was easier than having one child (I imagine) as they palled along together and still very much do as pre teens, so definitely an investment! On the other hand adding in the next one wasn't much bother, probably as I was more experienced/had lower standards but now the 3rd is a bit out on their own and not tight like the older 2 (slightly larger age gap though there is only a 4 year age gap between the 1st & 3rd) so I imagine ease depends a great deal on how the kids get along.

Someone once told me that one is one, but two is twenty, and there's a lot of truth in that.

Ours are 5 and 3, eldest has a couple of friends without siblings and the parents can carve out so much more alone time. Easier to just work around one set of needs too. Not to mention the squabbling. Jesus Christ the squabbling.

I wouldn't change it though. Our youngest is our little ray of sunshine, and second time round you have more perspective that everything is a phase. They mostly play nicely together and that is the loveliest thing in the world.

There are no crystal balls unfortunately. DC1 was a difficult child and resented his sibling from day 1, so they have never 'played together'.
DC2 has a very different personality and has always been easier to parent.

From my point of view it was hard work raising one and harder raising two. There was no way I would have had more.

One is so much easier! But I don’t think it’s possible to realise that until you have two.

I have two DC, one is definitely ND. But if we only had him, not his sibling too, my god our lives would be easy. He wouldn’t argue with anyone at home (well, except DP and I!), he’s just very very easy when he’s on his own. My other DC is hard work generally (deeply feeling!) but again, on his own, so easy!

I have four soon to be five and I found it harder with just one. Not sure why to be honest just felt like some thing was missing.
but I love having a lot of them.
They are all quite bonded and do things together. I find days out more fun with a group rather than just one.
I think the stressful parts of it all for me is the school runs as they go to 3 different schools. As two have Sen needs and ones only 4 so still part time. Other than that it's great.
I have 8,7,4,1 and then it'll newborn.

Mine is now 6. I could not go back. I was also a single parent doing 80 PC custody. My 1 is quite easy now but I don't feel like a natural parent. I think 2 would kill me off.

Two was way harder in the early days. Newborn plus toddler pretty much brought us to our knees.

However, since the small one turned 3 or so, two is less work since they spend so much time playing together. I actually kind of dread DH going off and doing something solo with the older one because the small one is so mopey, demanding and high-maintenance when they're without their sibling for a bit. However, if we'd only ever had 1 that wouldn't have been an issue.

Mine are 4.5 and 1.5.

Things that (IME) are harder with two:
Managing when they both need something from you at the same time.
Never being able to give your second child the same attention that you gave your first - and the guilt that comes with that.
Childcare is so expensive 😫
So little time to yourself
Childcare is so expensive!
If the elder one isn't a good sleeper it can be hard to juggle all the night wakings.
If there's a whiff of neurodivergence about you, the noise and chaos and overstumulation of two can be overwhelming / rage-inducing.
The bickering (and mine actually get on relatively well, but stil, the bickering when it happens is infuriating).
Did I mention the cost of childcare?? 😭
Trying to get them both in bed and asleep, especially if there are nights when only one parent is there.
Finding ways to engage with them both at the same time, if they have very different interests/abilities.

Things that are better with two:
Twice as many cuddles
When they play together, or make each other laugh
When the eldest gently helps the younger one with something
When they comfort each other
When they entertain each other and you can catch a break

I'm currently in bed with one child wedged up against either side of me, and I wouldn't change my life for the world.