Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

We have one. Not by choice, and my views on it have changed over the years.

Much easier in the baby/toddler years. Which is why I put off a second. Turns out I left it too late, but I don't think I'd have coped with two.

Primary school years were tough. I had pangs of envy for those that had two or more, the sibling bond, playing with each other etc. We had to work harder at play dates and encouraging friendships. DS struggled with friendships, but I think that was down to a range of factors, not being an only child. I did find other people's children quite stressful though - noisier and more chaotic than our lives.

Teen years - having one is a dream. Easier to fund great experiences and holidays (DS is well travelled in a way we couldn't have afforded with more), we can give him the attention he needs during the exam years, and looking to the future we can more easily afford support at uni etc. We have our life back in way that would be a few years off if we had more - don't need to worry about babysitters and have raised an independent child that can happily entertain himself.

I worry about him in the future, when we're old (if we're lucky) and what that might mean for him going through those years without a sibling.

On balance, we have a nice life as three. Financially it has been much easier, we have great holidays, have a close bond.

Do I wish I'd had more? Sometimes. Is my life easier because I didn't? Most of the time. What has been MUCH easier with one is my career. I was retraining when I was pregnant with DS. I'm now in a very senior role in my company, I don't think I could have risen through the ranks in the same way with more. Not because of sexism or discrimination, I just wouldn't have had the bandwidth. And that career advancement significantly contributes to the nice life we have, and with a bit of luck and good health, my retirement.

Sorry, that is much longer than I intended!

No. No different with two.

Age/stage is more the issue. Teenage years much more tiring/emotionally demanding. The easiest years were preschool and then early primary.

Easier with 1. I have 3 - every additional child made things harder 😂

A 5 year age gap can be quite emotional as you are pregnant when eldest starts school and then you have eldest leaving secondary school when youngest leaves primary. I managed to do this twice, once with dc1 and dc3 and again with dc2 and dc4.

Easier with two once the smaller one can play.

So easy I went for a third.

I have 3 children but manageable age gaps. But that doesn’t affect overall cost

So?

Harder because you are pulled in two different directions. Easier if you can have a bigger gap though. We have nearly five years between them.

FAR EASIER with TWO! But I was lucky. They adored each other until they hit 11ish.

Same 🤣 but mine are a little older now ( 7 and 9 ) When they were younger I used to ask myself why I had done this 😂

When their really dependent on you it is really difficult with more than 1. Especially if their both dependant on you. But, as they get older it really does get a lot easier

I have two with a 15 month age gap. It wasn’t easy when they were babies/toddlers, but now they are teenagers one good thing is that they have each other to talk to about any problems they might be having with friends or at school etc. They can talk to me too of course but that’s different because I’m old and don’t understand anything! I always get the impression that they have each other’s backs.

On the downside, two teenagers being difficult at the same time is not fun to deal with.

I was actually shocked at the number of folks saying that 1 was easier. I remember so many times feeling so sorry during lockdown for parents of 1.

I did make the very conscious decision of having my younger two close together in age. We were already elbow deep in nappies and no sleep anyways, so why not?

I think that decision has paid me back in spades for so many of the reasons other parents above have explained.

Would I do 3? No. No way. Shop was closed after #2. Done! So done! =)

‘two children have each other forever’ isn’t a fact, it’s a wish!

Sibling rivalry / issues can be rough.

Mine are 7 and 9 now. Without a doubt having one would be easier especially when I look back. Now they can be fairly self sufficient around the house but with multiple activities, two FT jobs and one car, life is mainly about planning logistics. Eldest going to private school this year which wasn't planned. We're not sure if youngest will do the same but we need to plan for it and it's a lot of money. If we'd stayed at one we probably would have privately educated from the start. I don't regret our choice but especially where money is involved, it's clearly different.

Of course. Why would it not be?

I agree with this!! I mean, of course having one more child technically means more school drop offs, activities etc but for me, mine are close together in age and I felt so much more relaxed with the second one as I knew how to parent by then so it wasn't so stressful. The fact they played together was a huge bonus as it meant I didnt have constant requests to play- it was great!

1 is 1 , 2 is 100
But I am pregnant with third so probs not the best person to ask 😂

I have two, 2 years apart. Close friend has one, same age as my youngest. They're all approaching adulthood now.

I definitely had it more intensely in the early years. 2 nappies to change, 2 bedtimes, 2 meals.

When my youngest hit 3, things felt easier for me. My 5 year old was my 3 year old's best friend. I watched my friend run herself ragged constantly playing with her child, teaching her child, modelling eating to her child. My youngest learned so much from my eldest, which meant I didn't need to do that. My eldest even taught youngest to read. They really enjoyed teaching them.

Their friendship continued. If people came round, they'd amuse themselves. When I went to friends, her child always had to be part of everything, as she could only amuse herself for short periods.

Teen years have been much of a muchness for both families.

So I'd say two is easier than one long term.

When I had 1, i thought it was the hardest thing in the world. Now I have 2, going out with 1 feels like a little holiday

Harder when they are little and very dependent and then easier once they can entertain one another. Three took a little longer to feel like everything was easily manageable again but, the logistics of getting everyone where they need to be for friends and clubs aside, you do get there and then the looming university costs are the only reason that stop you wishing you had four 😁

Mine are nearly 12 and 14. It's still so much easier when one is out. They argue and fight over everything. It's actually ridiculous!!!

One is easier but that doesn't necessarily mean better! Zero is even easier, but not better if you want kids.

when they are babies/toddlers yes they are twice the work. But my when they get older it gets easier. I have 2 boys, 3 years age gap. They play together, do things together. The youngest does things/learns things because he sees his older brother doing this. Older brother now helps with his homework when we are working. There was a time they could bike to school together (now the oldest is in secondary)
Yeah things like laundry and lunch packing is still twice the work ofcourse. But people with 1 kid are always looking for activities and playdates…