Two kids looks harder than one, but is it?

[oneortwokids]

Mulling this over with DH.

Everyone we know with two (especially if both parents work FT) is stressed to the max with hardly any time for themselves or their spouse and these are the people we hear complaining the most. However, I suppose you can’t take away from the fact the two children have each other forever and that is a really valuable thing.

On paper one looks easier. More energy, for yourself and them. More time to yourself, for work or personal reasons. More time to spend with DH. But, the biggest reason being, the cost of one is so much more manageable. The cost of living is so expensive, I don’t think we could provide the same for a second without compromise and less experiences and fun stuff for the three of us. I always imagined having lots of children - I’m really maternal and I just love babies. Babies grow up though and my biggest desire is to provide any support DC needs until and beyond them being an adult. We’d adapt no doubt to a larger family, but not be able to give them the same. And I’m not talking about private school and hefty deposits, I’m talking about affording to help with driving lessons, uni accommodation, pay childcare and such.

I thought I would ask on here. Parents of older kids, younger kids, objectively would one have been ‘easier’ or ‘harder’ for you? If this was your choice are you glad?

Same. 4 and 1 year olds here and it’s been MORE than twice the work. You can’t leave them alone together (rough or overly excitable play), 2 lots of every task, conflicting pick up times for school/nursery, when the youngest wakes at night he wakes up his sister who then also wants attention, getting them both out the door is a nightmare… I feel a bit lied to tbh; everyone was all ‘oh it’s so much easier, you know what you’re doing blah blah’. Nope.

This 100% depends on the child. I found having an only child for almost 6 years considerably harder than having premature twins. DS1 was an incredibly difficult baby and toddler, the others were normal enough, we had bad phases and some problems but all average infant stuff. Breastfeeding two and getting two down for naps was so hard but nothing like their hyper active insomniac brother. So it's all relative.

I’ve not found 2 that much more difficult but we have a big age gap (10 and 1.) Bigger than we wanted, but we only felt mentally ready for another when he started school. Unfortunately we had some difficulties along the way.

But the eldest is able to look after himself to an extent and is also a help with the baby sometimes. I think having two who are entirely dependent on you would be so difficult and I know myself and my own limits I personally would really struggle with that. One of my best friends is about to have her second and her first is 18 months, I’m scared on her behalf!

I've found it easier with three 🤣

When the youngest was a baby it was easy. Now at 2.5 & 4.5 it's really tough, it's just constant fighting, jealousy and bickering. Wayyyy more than double the work, on their own they're both mostly easy children. I am starting to see snippets of them playing together so I'm hoping things will improve and long term it will be easier.

Lots of people commenting here from the perspective of having a second soon after.

The only friend I have who makes having a second look appealing had hers four years apart. The eldest can manage bedtime partially herself, handle waiting for the baby to be sorted, and generally is more of a help than a hindrance.

Whereas five minutes with my friends with two under two makes my eyes bleed.

If we make the leap, it will be with a minimum three year gap.

We only have 1 (he is 10 - he is definitely an only!). Part of the reason we didn't have another was because we felt we couldn't stretch to two in so many ways. Time and money being big ones.

I absolutely love having one and don't regret my decision at all.

I can imagine, looking at others with 2+ children, that it is a lot more work than having one.

Ach, I suppose it was harder when they were really wee. I had 3 in under 4 years so there was an intense period of breastfeeding and nappies and weaning. It's tons easier now though. They're a team and I don't need to entertain them much because they have each other. The kid next door spends a lot of time here because he's an only child and I think he's quite bored. During the lockdowns it was a wee shame for him.

I have 5, all with SEN. I had awful pnd with my first so having 1 didn't seem that easy. I remember thinking that I was responsible for this tiny human and if I got it wrong he would be scarred for life. I remember asking the health visitor every time I saw her if I was dressing him in the right clothes because I was always worrying that he was too hot or too cold. He also liked to feed a lot so I have find memories of watching endless box sets while feeding him on the sofa.

Dc2 was born when dc1 was a toddler. There were some lovely times but also the hardest times. Dc1 was displaying autistic traits but all the professionals said he didn't have it (he was later diagnosed aged 9). I really struggled to manage dc1's behaviour and there was no support available. I couldn't even look up how to manage autistic behaviour and how to handle it on the internet because the professionals all said that he wasn't and I thought they must be right. Dc1 was poorly too and I really struggled in that first year and a half. The bright side was the bond between dc1 and dc2. Dc1 always involved Dc2 in his play. There was often plastic food etc on dc2's play mat and in his moses basket that dc1 had given to newborn Dc2 with a request to help with the pretend cooking. Dc1 would take them back with a "thank you for peeling the potatoes" or whatever it was he'd ask dc2 to do.

Dc3 was born when dc1 was 4 and dc2 was nearly 3. It was probably the easiest transition, although I found it hard to get us all out of the house in time for school. Dc3 always wanted to feed or poo when we were supposed to be leaving the house.

Dc4 was born 2.5 years later and Dc5 12 months after that. They mostly just slotted in although dc4 spent a lot of time in hospital and doing that with a baby as well was hard.

2 is harder than 1, no question.
I'd have never ever had just 1 by choice, but that's because I am close to my siblings and have raised my children to be close, and they are and always have been.

Although I think the relationship between only child and parent can be really close and beautiful and obviously the financial benefits are clear, I'd personally rather gift my children the chance of a lifelong relationship with each other, which is priceless.
I know not all siblings get on, and it's not a certainty, but I'd always choose the possibility for them to have that chance, rather than the impossibility.

Definitely easier with one but if you wanted an easy life you’d wouldn’t have any! I have 2 older teens and I love the somewhat chaotic family interaction which their friends without siblings just don’t have.

2 mean they can play together.

Dd1 has add and now they are adults Dd2 if pretty helpful including dishing out tough love. But every family is different.

This also becomes a factor as they get older - I have 3.5 yrs between my two (yr13 and yr10) and school much less stressful when exams come around if they aren’t both sitting exams at the same time - easier to give attention and support appropriately and much less competitive around school generally in our experience.

Two is much harder than one. I don’t regret having DC2 though.

2 is harder. Especially if 1 completely ignores 2 and 2 deliberately sets out to be different to 1. Mine have never played with each other. They both prefer me. I had 2 kids so that they would play with each other.
They have absolutely nothing in common, other than their address. 2 years apart. Dc1 would prefer to be an only. D 2 wishes dc1 would be a proper sibling. I was v close to my sibling growing up. It makes me sad that my two don't have that.

I think 2 is easier than having an only child would be. Yes, there are difficulties, but with one, you have to give them all of your attention. With two, they can entertain each other while you get on with the cooking or whatever.

I don't find 2 massively harder at the moment. We have a just over 3 year age gap which I think helps as the older one is more self sufficient and understanding than she was at 2. And she sleeps!

Saying that I'm still on mat leave with baby 2 so will probably be harder when I'm back full time.

3 weeks away from having my second and wishing I never opened this thread 😂

Have a look at inspire my play. Some great ideas on there!

I think everyone will have a different answer, for me going from 0-1 was horrendous, going into having 1-2 was absolutely fine, I knew what I was doing by then. Did have a 4 year gap between them though

I think having one is the best compromise between being childfree and having kids, in that it's a lot easier for each parent to get alone time, and generally there is less admin and chores needing done.

I have 2 with a 3 year gap and I'm definitely finding it harder and more limiting with 2. Our parenting style has always been geared to entertaining the dc, so having them entertain each other to make less work for us doesn't appeal. But it means that the places we take them are limited because of age restrictions/suitability, or DH and I end up taking one child each so I don't end up spending much time with one of the dcs sometimes. I miss having more one to one time with my eldest in particular (but I get lots of one to one time with the youngest while eldest is in school). I don't find it hard work to entertain my dc and I enjoy it, but I work better focused on one child (or 2 parents with one child, which we did when we just had one).

Sometimes I've felt bad for having to limit extracurriculars for the the eldest because it's a hassle to bring along the toddler as well, whereas her friends who are onlies can be ferried around with no issues. There are things she misses out on or we only do activities on her school site so I don't have to ferry her about. And keeping up with primary school duties (spellings, music practice, homework etc) is harder work with a toddler to deal with. Hard to do other focused activities like detailed Lego or crafts with a whirlwind toddler. I expect it will be easier when the toddler gets older, but then they'll be at school and we'll have 2 lots of after school clubs and homework to deal with. I'm sure the exam years would be easier with just one dc as well.

Of course one is easier!

2 is definitely harder than 1 - BUT they become lovely companions as they get older. I have 4... But I do have a big age gap between the 1st and 2nd (9 years). While it is expensive and stressful at times, watching them so happy together makes it absolutely worth it. We just pull together and make it work. Do what's best for you though. I have lots of friends with one child and they're lovely, happy kids.

Are you kidding? In what world is two easier than one?
Twice the amount of work, twice the cost of childcare, twice the ferrying to this sport and that activity, twice the laundry, and when older twice the heartache/alcohol/partying/grade worries/friendship trauma/uni costs...
Plus the kids themselves may not get along. They might not be interested in the same things. They might not even go to the same schools.