To feel like I've let my kids down..

[sunkmybattleship]

My house feels so cramped. It's probably worth around £200k ish, it just has a tiny entrance hall which won't even be 6x6ft, a small living room with stairs for upstairs in it, small kitchen and conservatory. Upstairs tiny bathroom and 3 rooms, my daughter's barely having room for a dinky bed and wardrobe. Useless garden.

My friend has moved into her old family home which is bought and paid for.. it's huge. So much room for the kids, acres of land. My daughter loved having all the toys there was that we just don't have room for. We have no room for toys really, or any space.

We can't afford anything better, we both work full time as it is. I just feel like I've let them down for only being able to afford such a small house.

I grew up in a 5 bedroom detached house with a huge garden. Fairly miserable childhood as my parent worked so much and paid little interest in who I was.

It's nice that your friend has a big house, but it doesn't guarantee happiness.

You haven't let your children down. You can only do your best. I grew up in a very small house and my parents had very little money but we were very happy. My parents gave me and my sisters a lot of love, encouragement and and support and that was enough.

The size of a house doesn’t reflect the love and happy home life provided within. Comparison is the thief of joy - don’t compare your home to others.

What exactly is useless about your garden? Have you considered a budget makeover to make it more usable and fun for kids?

I agree. I don’t think children hugely notice house size and the important things are love, security, play etc. I grew up in a large house, we don’t have much money and my two are currently growing up in a house smaller than the one you describe. I do ask myself the same questions as you but honestly I think it’s all relative. My friends in big houses are still yearning after even bigger ones!

We have a huge Victorian five-bed with a giant garden and DS much prefers his best friend’s tiny terraced house with only a yard at the back.

Some children live in cramped flats and would love what you have. I wouldn't try and compare too much.

You've got a damn sight more than most people in the world!

Honestly as a kid I thought our house was massive, especially the garden. My dad still lives there and honestly it's teeny. A 2 up 2 down with a patio about 10ft by 10ft and a lawn slightly bigger than that. Kids don't see things the same way.

This just sounds completely normal? I don't see the issue.

I was one of five children in a small three bed semi, well two bedrooms and a box room really! There were three girls in one room and two boys in bunk beds in the box room. I don’t remember having many toys, just a wooden chest as the toy box and I know money was very tight for a number of years while my dad was getting his professional qualifications BUT I knew I was loved and cared for! I had a very secure childhood with lots of happy experiences that did not cost much but meant we had lots of time with our parents. All five of us reminisce about our childhood and don’t really focus on how small our house was or how few toys we had.

The size of your house absolutely doesnt matter to children imo. It’s home and your children are loved thats what counts.

Thank you all. I suppose I do compare, I just felt so sad seeing her happily running around playing with all these toys that we don't have room for, prams, play kitchens, dressing tables etc. we have a few dolls or a jigsaw out and the room is so tiny it looks a mess.

@Twistie I didn't really elaborate, it's a bit like this one but much smaller with some stairs that have seen better days in the middle. It's on just a huge slope.

So has she inherited this home? Presumably it was paid for by her parents? Where are they now? It's ok to be a bit jealous but it doesn't sound like it's something she's achieved

Agreed !

@SleepingStandingUp her parents are still alive and well but have just moved to a smaller house, giving her this house in her name mortgage free. All she had to do was move her stuff in and do it up as she liked her. Her partner isn't doing bad himself, she's never had to work a full time job in her life where as I have to kiss my 18 month old goodbye every morning so I can go to work

Conservatory AND a garden.....oh I dream about having that.
I am on the second floor of a block of flats with no private outdoor space and not even a balcony.
And it's (private) rented.
You are lucky. Very lucky.
Think about that every day.

@Itsrainingten that's a really good insight actally, thank you!

You can say this because you grew up in a huge house. I grew up in a smallish house, I had a tiny room - I could only study sitting on my bed as there was only room for a bed and a wardrobe in my room. It was too noisy to study downstairs. Try doing ten GCSEs and then four A levels in that tiny space and believe me: you notice how small your house is. I did absolutely fine but it would have been amazing if I had had a big desk. I told myself I was lucky I had my own room (small yes, but all mine).

Yes I adored my parents and yes being in a loving family was important. But many kids have space to learn and play AND a loving family.

Oh it also wasn’t fun being bullied for living in a council house by my richer so-called friends, and being sneered at for being poor, and my best friend’s parents very clearly looking down on me when I went round to their house . Children do compare, they do play one-upmanship, and they are cruel. So there’s that in the mix too.

I still don’t think the Op has “let her children down” but let’s not pretend money doesn’t matter in giving kids an equal chance in life. It does.

My cousins, four of them, grew up in a house like yours.
The rest of us (our parents, the aunts & uncles) all had much nicer / bigger houses, growing up. These were the youngest cousins, and my aunt & uncle did their best for them. They’ve turned out the most successful out of all of us, career-wise. And they seem happy, too. Still the same family home, my aunt & uncle were never rich. They’re a great family!

The size of a house means nothing really.

My best friend growing up lived in a one bedroom flat. Very happy family. I had another friend who was an only child and lived in a fairytale mansion on the beach. Ended up a very troubled girl addicted to heroin (thankfully now sober).

Move somewhere cheaper.

If it makes you feel any better your house sounds v similar to mine but minus the conservatory and our 'hall' is approx 1 metre long and 1 metre wide. It also cost us almost £400k.......

It isn't the home I thought I'd have, and I live in an affluent area so dcs friends have huge houses buuuuut I'm just bloody chuffed that I was actually able to buy and the security that gives me. I doubt my siblings will ever be able to buy.

Letting your kids down is not living in a small house, it's not being there for them emotionally and physically and not ensuring that they have a stable, caring, encouraging home life. The rest is just window dressing.

Your house layout and size sounds pretty identical to mine. Do you think I have also let my kids down? Because I dont...I was thrilled when I finally managed to buy a house and I feel lucky.

We both also work full time and whilst I would like to work less hours, I'm still grateful for the life that we have

I don't think you are her friend - you sound bitter and jealous of her. Maybe you should stop hanging out with rich people and feeling resentful that no one gave you a house? You own a 3 bedroom home, which many people won't do.

The faux 'I've let my kids down' is silly and untruthful. What you mean is you are jealous you have to work and that nobody handed you life on a plate like they did to this woman. Well, that's just life.