To feel like I've let my kids down..

[sunkmybattleship]

My house feels so cramped. It's probably worth around £200k ish, it just has a tiny entrance hall which won't even be 6x6ft, a small living room with stairs for upstairs in it, small kitchen and conservatory. Upstairs tiny bathroom and 3 rooms, my daughter's barely having room for a dinky bed and wardrobe. Useless garden.

My friend has moved into her old family home which is bought and paid for.. it's huge. So much room for the kids, acres of land. My daughter loved having all the toys there was that we just don't have room for. We have no room for toys really, or any space.

We can't afford anything better, we both work full time as it is. I just feel like I've let them down for only being able to afford such a small house.

I grew up in a small house with my parents and twp sisters, I shared a bedroom with my sister until she went to university.
It was home, simple as that.
We didn't have much money as my mum stayed at home to raise us, but we were loved and happy. Despite our house being tiny, all of our friends came to our house to play or to hang out as we got older. When our friends were there we didn't have enough room to all sit at the kitchen table so my Mum would put a picnic blanket on the lounge floor and we'd 'picnic' inside.
We have such happy memories of our childhood, the one thing that never crosses my mind was how tiny the house was.
Please don't feel you've let your children down, they have a roof over their heads, you're doing a great job x

sorry to hear you're feeling down about your situation. it is easy to look at others and think the grass is greener but the best we can do is make the most of what we do have, not what we don't. You need to fall in love with your home and perhaps re-look at the current layout/set up. is that still working for you? you say you have three bedrooms, i assume 2 children? could they have a room with bunk beds to sleep in and have the other room as a toy room/play room? maybe look for YouTube inspiration for storage solutions for children toys like a tarin set table that also works as a storage box, or a toy box that could be a reading seat? depending on the ages of children maybe get them to go through what they dont use or play with and donate to charity to give yourself more space.

Nobody has gardens in so much of Europe (not to mention the rest of the world)! Cramped apartments are the norm but adults and children can still be blissfully happy. I have lovely memories of staying in my friend's palatial family home for sleepovers, and my mum (who was a bit insecure) used to say 'You must be so disappointed coming home to a rabbit hutch' but I never was! Home is home, and that's what makes it best.

Your post is dripping with negativity, this will begin to rub off on your child if you are not careful. Why don’t you try to list the positive? It’s also worth remembering your friends home may seem better than yours but I have known a couple of people move into the family home and it turns out it never truly feels like their own. You need to get creative with storage space and be thankful for what you have, also all kids prefer playing at other peoples houses regardless of the size/amount of toys.

The first two replies on this thread say it all

We have a big 5 bed detached on a huge plot, I would give it to you tomorrow if my non verbal 6 year old could have their disability taken from then. I would live in a tent if I could have a conversation with my child about their day, their likes/dislikes, what they want to be when they grow up. Life is hard. Count your blessings ❤️

Your house is bigger than mine ,comparison is the theif of joy as they say ,you have a secure home for your kid's
Which is more than a lot of people have.

My kids have lived in everything from 3 story houses with multiple rooms we never even went in, to tiny flats where you had to pull a divider to get a bedroom out of view of the living room (we've moved around a lot)

We were happy in all of them. It's me that goes stir crazy not being able to have some peace, they just adapt to wherever we're living now - they're far more affected by everything else in their lives - friends, school, whether the local swimming pool/playground is decent etc.

Sorry - am I misreading the original post? IIRC

1. First, OP is in the privileged minority (40%) of the UK population that actually own their home
2. Secondly - unless I misunderstand -it's a three bedroomed house. So all separate bedrooms (and one to spare?)
3. Thirdly, OP has a conservatory
4. Fourthly, OP has a garden - which even without anything dong to it, will hold a trampoline/whatever.

The only way she will be failing her child will be if the envy she has of her 'friend' (the friend she's not happy for) and general resentment is an attitude that permeates the household and is picket up by her child

Your small house almost certainly will have a smaller carbon footprint than a much larger house, so you are actively helping the environment. Now that spring is here, if you want to work on the garden I would definitely work with what you've got - big slope? how about putting a giant slide in (set onto the ground? Your daughter and all her frineds will love you for it.

Extra long curved slide here:

I have raised 2 sons with a 10 year age gap in a 2 bed house.
DS2 stayed in my room until DS1 left for uni (and still then had to move back in with me when DS1 came home).
It is what it is. We are financially secure, happy and healthy.
Looking at what you don't have rather what you do is never helpful (unless you are a lazy arse and need outside motivation).
As I've got older, things like health and peace of mind become way more important than material wealth.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Can you tweak the layout so that you feel more in love with it?

I've gone from a 4 bed detached to a 3 bed terrace post divorce, and I do have days where I yearn for my log burner and bigger plot, but that's not practical for me now and I try to keep that in mind.

You haven't let them down, there are families living in bed and breakfasts for months who'd love to have what you have. Count your blessings.

The faux 'I've let my kids down' is silly and untruthful. What you mean is you are jealous you have to work and that nobody handed you life on a plate like they did to this woman. Well, that's just life.

Quite right. Another of these 'I've let my kids down' posts from people living perfectly normal lives so that they sound unselfish rather than envious.

Can you work on the garden?
Our garden is sloped, so the only flat flat area is the small terrace area near house. Ds plays out there all the time.

Most used things are the sandpit, a mud kitchen, and water play in summer. They all take up little space compared to a climbing frame. Also have chalkboard on wall

We also built some raised beds into the slopes which are great for kids to grow strawberries and other things. You can grow basics in regular pots.

You haven't failed your children. Many people grow up in small houses. Your children have a warm home and a garden however small that is a lot more than many people have.
Don't focus on what you don't have just on what you have and try and give your children a happy secure childhood.
When they grow up they will remember and valve more the time they spend with you and the things you all do together more than how big their house was.

I suppose I do compare, I just felt so sad seeing her happily running around playing with all these toys that we don't have room for, prams, play kitchens, dressing tables etc. we have a few dolls or a jigsaw out and the room is so tiny it looks a mess.

Kids love playing with their friends' toys, that's part of the joy of going to someone else's house. If you really want her to have some of these toys though, there is usually a way. Our toy kitchen (a fiver second hand!) was just a small stove with oven underneath (not one of the bigger ones with sink, cupboards etc) so a small footprint, but it was used constantly and much loved. Most toy prams fold away for storage. Mess is just part of play - as long as it can all be easily thrown back into toy boxes before bedtime, I don't see it as a big deal.

Most kids have way too many unnecessary toys anyway. They don't need endless "stuff" but they do need versatile toys (things like building blocks, some generic dressing up items like cloaks, crowns, magic wands etc, a toy teaset etc) which are flexible and allow themselves to be incorporated into lots of different games. Mine will raid the house and turn the cupboards upside down to find things to use in their games - more temporary chaos but less permanent clutter and plastic tat! Some additional toys and accessories can be cheaply made at home and discarded without guilt after they're finished with. Also, have a ruthless declutter and invest in clever bedroom furniture. IKEA is full of furniture with clever storage solutions that will maximize vertical space and free up floor space for play. Does your daughter really need a wardrobe in her room at this age, or could her clothes live in yours leaving her more floor space for bigger toys? Etc.

I did GCEs and A levels without having a desk or anywhere private to study. I shared a room, had four siblings and we lived in a three bedroomed house. . It didn't bother me it seemed normal to me. So much so that when I went to university and had my own room I found it almost impossible to concentrate it was too quiet.
What I mainly remember from my childhood is how loving my parents were, how much they wanted the best for us and the good times we had together and I have very fond memories of that smallish house.

This is such a fun idea!!! And wouldn’t be possible with a flat garden so will make yours really unique. I love this!! I would want this and I’m a 48 year old woman 😂😂

I hope you’re feeling a bit better OP. We all have our moments of navel-gazing but you’re doing just fine.

OP you are letting yourself down, not your DCs by allowing wishing and daydreaming which we all do, to affect you negatively. Think of how to improve your space inside and out and perhaps moving to a cheaper area to get more for your money. Redcar in the north is starting to boom as WFHs are buying then commuting when needed in the office. £150k for big space and beach on doorstep. There are lots of areas like this. There are usually options, aspire to, don’t envy. Security and love are the most important things for your DCs and it sounds like you’ve smashed those

yes you're comparing and I suspect if you didn't think about what your friend has so much you wouldn't actually think you're letting your children down at all. If you compare, you'll always find someone you think is doing better. Focus on your own life.

There are always going to be people better off than you and there are always going to be people worse off than you. If your kids are clean, well and healthily fed, safe, you are meeting all of their needs like and you are emotionally available to them I don't think you can say you are letting them down.

6x6ft sounds massive for a hallway? My house is 12ft at its widest point and it’s a very standard house, not like a tiny shack

We grew up moving around different council estates. DM always felt like she'd let us down when she got low and we always had to tell her that she did a great job. I doubt your kids see things the same way you do @sunkmybattleship, and they definitely won't when they're older and look back.