To feel like I've let my kids down..

[sunkmybattleship]

My house feels so cramped. It's probably worth around £200k ish, it just has a tiny entrance hall which won't even be 6x6ft, a small living room with stairs for upstairs in it, small kitchen and conservatory. Upstairs tiny bathroom and 3 rooms, my daughter's barely having room for a dinky bed and wardrobe. Useless garden.

My friend has moved into her old family home which is bought and paid for.. it's huge. So much room for the kids, acres of land. My daughter loved having all the toys there was that we just don't have room for. We have no room for toys really, or any space.

We can't afford anything better, we both work full time as it is. I just feel like I've let them down for only being able to afford such a small house.

I'm wondering if it's to do with the COL and prices for everything soaring, suddenly the middle classes can't afford massive detached houses and private schools and now are being subjected to the horrors of terraces and state schools like us poorer folk have always done 😂

Comparison is the thief of joy 🌸 I can assure you you haven’t failed them

Maybe your kids will remember the childhood home being cosy and warm and full of love?

We don’t have the biggest garden, but we go to the park, spend weekends at National Trust properties with loads of land to run round in, walking in woods etc.

My house is a good size, the kids have way too many toys, and I can assure you they hardly play with them at all! Kids get bored of what they have, your daughter will have loved going to the other child’s house, but I’m sure the child that has everything is probably bored of playing with them.

Make memories about the non material ‘stuff’. Bake cupcakes, have a cinema night with popcorn, play board games. This is what they will remember x

I thought my house was big too lol. It really doesn’t matter to kids, they may go “oh wow thats nice” but they then move on. Why not do up your garden a bit and make a play area for her outside. Buy a second hand mud kitchen or something.

I’m around people who have a lot more than us but it doesn’t bother me, we are a close happy family. My home growing up was miserable and it really focuses your mind on what matters in a home. DD is loved and her parents are happily married and like each other and her. You don’t understand how important that is to a persons wellbeing unless you didn’t have it. Feeling the love and the laughter is way more important than the size of the home that it happens in.

IMO DC couldn't care less about the size of a home or the amenities. Having love, security and being given time by their parent(s) is what is needed.

If your children have a home , food , the things they need and love from parents you aren't letting them down

Well I live in a 2 bed terrace with a back yard, on my own, with 2 kids who share a room. I don't consider myself to have 'let my kids down".

The self pitying talk is disingenuous - you are jealous of your friend. But you certainly know that there are plenty of kids out there that have it worse you are trying to frame it as 'poor me'.
You need to get a grip and some perspective.

Your children are actually incredibly fortunate, to have a roof over their heads, a cosy home and a mum who loves them. An awful lot of people would kill for what you have.

If it helps at all - we came into some money and now live in a big 7 bedroom house with lots of land. We have been here a year but the kids say ALL the time that they miss our old small house! The kids have a bedroom each but still want to all sleep in the same bedroom! A home is made by the love and memories you fill it with. I’m sure they will love this house one day too, once they have lots of memories here ……… but kids really don’t care about the size of their house, more that they are happy and loved within in 🥰

@sunkmybattleship You really haven't let your children down. Many people live in the size of house you describe, and bring their children up in it. It's only on Mumsnet that 'everyone' seems to have big expensive houses.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You are doing the best you can for them ( as I did for mine) and the love and care you give them is what matters to them. Your friend has inherited her home, which is very fortunate for her, but doesn't mean that you have failed in any way

Watch "sort your life out" by Stacey Dooley. Honestly we have a toddler and a tiny 600 sq foot terrace house.

When we came to sell I sorted through EVERYTHING - filled bin bags with old junk and took multiple bags to the charity shop.

The house looked huge by the end. We even fitted a desk & computer in our bedroom (it's two bed) so my daughter had a nice, neat bedroom to herself with space to toddle around. Before we had the desk cramped in her room and she didn't have a proper bedroom, as there wasn't space for both.

Before I did the clear out my mum was saying our house was far too small for our poor child – afterwards she came over and went, unprompted "oh she has quite a lot of space here doesn't she".

I can't emphasise how much difference it makes. And it doesn't cost much, but does take a lot of time.

I grew up in a 2-bed top floor flat in South London with a bedroom smaller than a regulation police cell. We had no room for toys either, Some of my friends had larger houses and gardens (& the local estate agent's DS lived in a massive place 4 stories 9 beds). Can't say it made a difference to me. It was home.

I grew up in a 2 up, 2 down with a sister and parents who loved me, showed me they loved me, worked bloody hard and who believed education was important. We didn’t have a car, we didn’t go away on holidays, we didn’t have much in the way of new toys or clothes. It didn’t matter.
I had an incredibly happy childhood, and have a great relationship with my family now.

Kids want your time, your attention and your care. That’s all. I’m now a high earner with a much bigger house than the one I grew up in but my childhood keeps me grounded and I tend to appreciate what I have rather than be looking for the bigger better house/car/thing whatever that is.
Your kids will be fine. Stuff is just stuff, it’s time and love that are the real riches in life.

Children won't remember the size of the house, they will remember what and who is inside it. You can live in a very big house and be as miserable as sin, and live in a small house and be very happy. Its not the house.

Some kids sleep on the streets soooo yeah. Long as they have parents that are there for them I doubt they care what size the house is.

I had a very similar house to yours when my DC were little but we were able to afford to move when they got older. Sounds like your daughter is still a tot, the house will seem massive to her. You have an entirely normal set up! She will use play kitchens etc at nursery. Often you can fill a house with toys that are never played with. As others have said, comparison is the thief of joy. Reading, singing, imaginary play can all be done without taking up lots of space, use your normal pots and pans to pretend cook. Security and feeling loved are what matters not your square footage.

That said the thing we were all most glad of when we moved was additional toilets, so happy I don’t have to fight a teenager for the bathroom!

Kids need love, protection, to feel wanted and some fun. Not big houses and large toys. They love walks in a forest, time at the park , time with their parents, imaginery adventures on the way to the shops. You are doing just great living with in your means

You could get a big house up north grimbsy/cleethorpes etc however we have a similar priced house small rooms, tiered garden but here in Devon it's a safe area and we love it. Happiness to life is feeling satisfied. Lots of reasons I prefer our smaller home, quicker to clean, cheaper to heat and more money spare to go on holiday. Plus living in a big home attracts the wrong kind of friends in my experience.

it’s crap comparing ourselves to others but you sound like your doing your best and when your children grow up they will appreciate you for that. I bet there will be people wishing they had what you’ve got.

If I think back now to our 1st little rented council house on a ‘dodgy’ estate where I lived to 12 years old I remember warmth, coziness, my friends who lived around us. I remember the room I shared with my sister, with it’s Mickey Mouse clock in the wall, our posters of favourite bands, how you could hear the sounds on the street outside on Saturday mornings which meant other kids were getting up and ready to play.
It didn’t even have central heating, so despite my ‘cosy’ memories my parents remember it always being bloody freezing!

I had school friends who lived in much bigger houses, had cars, one had a sailboat that her mum took us out on sometimes. I don’t remember envying them at all, it was always nice to visit but I wouldn’t have swapped with them for a second.

Your kids sound fine OP, plus as you own your house they have some stability and won’t have to move. My parents bought somewhere when I was 12, not bigger than the place we were renting but I remember the secure feeling that came with knowing it was ours and not rented.

It’s ok to be envious quite natural really but love and stability far outweighs a big house. Believe me your children will appreciate this when they are older. I am speaking from experience here.

The size of the house doesn’t matter. Some parents can’t even put a roof over their kids head let alone afford a mortgage think your being to hard on yourself. Don’t compare what you have to what your friends do.

I felt like this a few years ago when I was in a cramped rented council house (prob much smaller than yours!) in an absolute shit hole area

Felt so hopeless

We own now but it's not as big as we'd like but at least we own and it's in a better area

So you're doing better than you think xxx

If your garden's on a slope, you can get it terraced. Add a trampoline and a paved area to have picnics on a blanket and your kids will be happy as Larry. They need you to love them, keep them safe and give the space and time to play. You can do that in your house.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Your dcs are lucky to have a safe, warm home, think about all the families that don’t have this.

I shared a bedroom till I was 15 years old . My younger sister slept in my parents bedroom till she was 8 and we moved out . I hope this isn’t a pity post . We all moved on to have successful lives