AIBU not wanting DD to go to sleepover?

[EdgyFinch]

My DD (8) has been invited to her friends for a sleep over at the weekend, he isn’t someone she often actively plays with at school, AIBU not wanting her to go, as I feel she’s too young?

Assuming she wants to go, and will be OK overnight, YABU.

Does she want to go?
How well do you know the hosts?
Is it close by in case of emergency?
Has she stayed away from home before?

Does she wants to go?
does she (and you) know at least one of the parents?
has she been to other sleepovers?
are they reasonably close so you can collect if needed?
is it just her being invited or a bigger group?
8 is a pretty standard age for sleepovers
can you compromise, she goes, has all the sleepover fun (late night, do whatever they are doing) but you collect before actual bed time?

She probably will want to go, I don’t know his parents that well. He’s been over for dinner and she has also been over his for dinner but I just don’t feel comfortable with her staying. She’s never stayed away and the property is about 15 minutes away via a car.

If my dd’s have ever wanted a sleepover it has been here in their home. On the very rare occasions that they have been for a sleepover, it has been to homes with no males in the home.

I am probably overthinking it but why take the risk. Why would you send your children to sleep in a place with people you don’t know?

This. Whilst I had sleepovers growing up and was perfectly fine, until my DD is a teen, no sleepovers will be happening. I don’t understand why people allow it.

it’s always at sleepovers by someone you trust.

This makes no sense.

You intend to keep them away for men forever?

Maybe suggest she has a 'late over' instead - tea and a film/play then collect at 9pm ish? This is pretty standard round here at that age.

It would be a flat no from me.

I'd want to know people well before allowing a child to stay.

At 8 years old I wouldn't even consider it.

In the circumstances, I think they're a bit weird to ask.

No, I work in child protection. My children will not be attending sleepovers until she is at secondary school.
Even if you know the parents, who else has access to the house? Are there siblings? Do they have friends over too? Then there is the issue of medication and cleaning product storage. Different families have very different standards in their home.
I know I sound paranoid but the cases that come across my desk have led me to this decision for my own children.
At the end of the day, your job is to protect your child. Saying "do they want to go" is ridiculous, my 8 year old wanted to eat fudge cake for every meal and a pet parrot... they don't know the bigger picture surrounding the things they want, it's a parents job to decide that for them.

Of course let her go, check at bed time and if she wants to come home, go and fetch her.
This is about you not her, I think you need to work on your anxiety levels.

My 7 year old has sleepovers at his friends. I think it’s important to find a balance and not put our adult worries on children so much so that it disrupts them having a normal childhood. I have a very casual conversation with him before and after to ensure everything was ok and there are no red flags.

Sleepovers were so exciting when I was a child and my boys absolutely love them now, I think it’s an important and very normal childhood experience.

Your poor children, what kind of message are they getting from this?

Don’t be ridiculous. But why would a parent leave their child with a man they don’t know? And why does MN freak out at the thought of a mother introducing their kids to a man they’ve been dating for three years, yet think it’s acceptable to leave them overnight with a man you’ve never met/met in passing?

I’d be okay with adult males (Dad, big brother) if the mum is there too. We never had boy / girl sleepovers. Just wasn’t a thing. But I remember a bit of doctors & nurses type of play, at that age, when adults weren’t around (which they never were back then) so I would not let them share a bed / bedroom.

A lateover makes more sense. I’d have to know a family really well to send a primary aged kid off. I have no anxiety issues.

Oh well in that case there are millions of weird parents from over the years that have had sleepovers, including myself 🤦‍♀️

Concerns about medication and cleaning product storage contributing to the "not until secondary school" rule? Are people's 8/9/10 year olds going around drinking Flash if they find it in an unlocked cupboard. Childlocks to keep toddlers out yes, but 8 year olds can undo child locks for a start - are you literally keeping them under lock and key?

As someone who has a close relative who experienced sexual abuse, I am probably anxious yes but I don’t want to put my DD in a position where she’s alone and vulnerable.
The boy isn’t someone she really actively plays with a lot, he obviously likes my daughter and sees her as a good friend.

This sounds as batshit as the mother of one of DD’s friends who only allowed her daughter to sleep over at the homes of other girls whose dads had a high flying job….

Apparently if you’re a surgeon, dentist, pilot or lawyer you’re immune to being a paedophile?!

I agree completely. My daughter was six when she first started occasional sleepovers. I was happy for her to stay with friends whose parents I knew, and always made sure I spoke to her when she was going to bed to make sure she was ok and happy to stay.

This is probably an unpopular view but my thoughts on sleepovers are always no. My cousin went to sleep overs at a friends house and was abused by the friends dad and he’s now in jail. Always a firm no from me

I don’t think it sounds like you know the family well enough. It would be a no from me.

I've never liked 'lots of people do it' as a justification for my decisions.

But, as they say, you do you.

Absolutely no.
your child is too young to be left with strangers, trust your instincts. If your uncomfortable then just say no , as others have suggested maybe a late evening with 9pm pick up?