AIBU not wanting DD to go to sleepover?

[EdgyFinch]

My DD (8) has been invited to her friends for a sleep over at the weekend, he isn’t someone she often actively plays with at school, AIBU not wanting her to go, as I feel she’s too young?

No at 8, and no unless I know the family reaaaallly well.

I would classify myself as quite chilled out on these issues. But I would not let my eight year old sleepover at a house of people I don’t really know. I would def suggest the late collection.

Sleepovers in our family are from secondary school age... Younger is just childcare. Way too much noise and input needed... No thanks.

My DC only went for sleepovers when I had known the parents (as in actually knew them) for a year or so AND my DC had been there a few times and their DC had been here. I think they were around 8 the first time and they had been friends with the child in question since Reception/Y1. Its whatever you feel comfortable with and all Parents are different- if you have doubts then its a NO

8 isn’t inherently “too young”, but your DD may be. What is it that you think she won’t cope with?

No- I wouldn’t even consider until secondary and even then I’m not entirely sure how I’ll feel. Not at 8.

You feel she’s too young and you don’t want her to go. There’s your answer. I think 8 is too young and I don’t care what other people think is an acceptable age. Follow your own instincts.

If you feel she’s too young, then she’s too young.

Just wanted to mention though that sometimes sexual abuse comes from other kids, not just men.

My ten year old is not allowed on sleepovers whatsoever. Loads on here happy to risk it for an easy life under the guise of letting their children have independence. My main concern is sexual abuse. You can’t ever know people that well and you also can’t know who is coming through their door in terms of friends and family.

Things can go wrong, even later than 8, and not always for that reason. My 10 year old went to a sleepover, and we were staggered at midnight when the door rang to discover that the foolish, irresponsible mother had actually let him walk home-alone. He absolutely never went there again. That's why you need to know where they are going, and whether the people hosting are verified to have brain cells.

This would be a no from me. Only way I would allow it at this age is if I knew the parents really well and the kids were close friends. Neither of these is true in your case so I wouldn't do it. "They might enjoy it" isn't really worth the risk to their safety, is it?!

And on the other hand, since half of all child sex abuse is intra-familial it could be argued that a child is at least as safe at a sleepover as they are at home.

(Obviously not suggesting that's the case for your DD, OP!)

I have definitely made my mind up, I’m not allowing DD to go, even if she wants to go. I will suggest the later pick up, as someone else suggested.

Say no.

You don't hand your 8yo child (regardless of sex) over the people you barely know for a sleep over with a child she isn't overly close with.

It's not being paranoid. I'd be more concerned if you were willing to send her in these circumstances.

I'd allow it if the children were close friends and if I knew both the parents and had been inside the home, and knew who else lived there. I don't think I would in the situation you describe. It's odd if they don't play together. Also it's a boy and she's a girl. And you don't know the family. Too much to go wrong there. I am not of the school of thought that all sleepovers are bad, I did them myself from about age 5 or 6 but only with very familiar people

You don’t sounds paranoid at all.
Just sensible.
I’m not British, never been to a sleepover nor I plan to allow my children to go.
I just don’t understand why would someone take the risk?

It's definitely unpopular on MN. No abuse that I'm aware of in my family. I was never allowed to stay out either.

It's a no from me as well.

Horrible as it sounds, I wouldn't have allowed my DS to stay overnight in a home with adult or older males. He was at no risk at home as there is just me here and I'd never have a boyfriend living here.

He's 16 now and stops at mates houses all the time but he's old enough to look after himself and speak up if anything went on.

I have done that with mine ( said she could stay until 9). Just be prepared you may get tears when you go to collect if there’s other kids there staying/ having fun. You stand your ground though. People on here seem to think abuse only happens to other people’s kids. I was sexually abused by a friend’s dad on a play date when I was 7. These monsters are opportunistic

I had lots of sleepovers with a close group of friends when I was a child and I loved it, but one of the dads was a pervert and used to try to touch us all under the pretext of tickling us. When we got older he used to deliberately walk around naked and encouraged us to be naked too. No one told their parents as it was a close friend's dad. Because he was a "trusted adult", we all wrote off his weirdness as us misunderstanding him. We couldn't really grasp the concept that our friend's dad was a legitimate predator, so we kept quiet.

I don't think kids are mature enough to be in that kind of situation and know what is and isn't OK, and then reliably speak up against someone in their friend's family.

Agree. Alot of children are abused within the family.

Oh that's great OP. I never let any of my kids sleep over at anyone's house in primary school. There's just no need for it.

Absolutely not. Child SA is rife and is a really dirty underbelly of society. It's not just the parents; do they have older siblings? Porn is fueling all sorts of sexual deviance I would not allow my eight year old to have a sleepover.

Yanbu

Yes because of access- most people don’t let their children roam with strangers.