AIBU not wanting DD to go to sleepover?

[EdgyFinch]

My DD (8) has been invited to her friends for a sleep over at the weekend, he isn’t someone she often actively plays with at school, AIBU not wanting her to go, as I feel she’s too young?

I just find this so unrelatable. How does an 8yo come to dinner at your home and you don't even know the parents well?
Maybe we do things very differently around here but at this age we get to know the parents really well, just for even play dates. Kids are dropped off for a play date, parent/s come in for a coffee and chat and then also maybe at pickup time too.
There is no way that my 8yo would be coming home to ask me this and it even be a consideration, if I don't know the parents well. Are people allowing their kids to make their own arrangements at this age? Do kids go off to their friends homes on their own? I'm genuinely interested how different things can be, I don't know anyone who does it like that.
Oh and I wouldn't allow my dd to be going over to her male friends home at 8yo.

The boy isn’t someone she really actively plays with a lot, he obviously likes my daughter and sees her as a good friend.

I'm genuinely concerned at what you're asking here. You really can't use your own common sense here? A boy that she doesn't really play with , and you are hand wringing over a sleep over?

I would say No .I think 2 little girls ,great friends and you know the parents well is different. A boy she rarely plays with is very different .Just say she is not happy staying away from home

I find it so weird that in this day and age people are still so hung up on the boy/girl thing . They are both pre pubescent children, and anyway who’s to say that both will grow up to be heterosexual 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️. What is the concern exactly?

Oh and I wouldn't allow my dd to be going over to her male friends home at 8yo

why???? Why does it matter if an 8 yr old is male or female?

It would be a no from me unless the other child was actually a good friend of my DC and I knew the parents well.

All the safeguarding stuff to one-side. Every sleepover my daughters had ended up with me picking them up / them being dropped off late in the evening because they could not / would not sleep.
It's not actually that much fun for them. We've had friends stay over here and it's just stressful for everyone.
let them play, have tea, watch a movie and then come home for a proper sleep.
Kids really need sleep.

This thread has actually made me feel really worried. I’ve allowed my 7 year old to sleep over at a friends a couple times. I feel like an awful parent. Honestly just thought it was a normal part of growing up, it was when I was young.

I think this- young kids love the idea but in reality probably just want to get home to their parents and own bed come sleep time.

I was very careful about sleepovers ,and in these circumstances it would be a definite no

You are not an awful parent in the slightest, despite what the pedants of MN lead you to think!

Until I was 12, I only ever had sleepovers with my first cousin (also female).

I'd be very uncomfortable sending a child this young to the house of people I didn't really know.

Mine have been going to sleepovers since that age,although I have always known the parents reasonably well. If mine want sleepovers they always have them at my house, xh doesn't think it's appropriate for him to host girls which is fine.

Never had mixed sex sleepovers, I think this would put me off, as well as them not being very close. A sleepover is unnecessary in this situation imo, although I do think some of the pps are very ott and in general, an 8 Yr old staying at a good friend's, where you know the parents, is completely normal

It would be a hard no from me too having worked in child safeguarding, abuse is all too common

Just see the latest big case doing the rounds:

https://globalnews.ca/news/10336179/dad-drug-daughter-sleepover-michael-meyden-oregon/amp/

I also work in child protection.. I see no reason to deny this opportunity as long as you have actually met at least one of the parents

So much paranoia on MN . I had 7 kids who did sleepovers from age 7.. all in their mid 20s now .. never had any issues..

When my dd was that age she had friends round for tea, and went to friends for tea, where I didn't know the parents well. Surely at primary school kids are making friends with people not in our own social circle, unless at very small local village schools? I'd speak to the parent to make the invite, but that doesn't constitute 'knowing them well'.

Also, I don't really understand all the views about only letting kids go on sleepovers if you 'know the parents well'. As some examples have demonstrated, knowing someone really well still doesn't mean that behind closed doors they're not a paedophile. They're not exactly going to let their mask slip and confess all once you get to know them.

Abuse may be common but is a sleepover with a friend a particular risk? Genuine question

Knowing the parents well does give some reassurance. At least you will know whether they are a kind person, what the family dynamics are like. And I think there is often a vibe or slightly odd behaviour from dubious men. It's not foolproof but better than nothing. I mean the child's own father may be a paedophile, but presumably you think that knowing them well minimises the risk there.

Age 8?

No way. Unless I knew the family really well.

You're not being unreasonable! I don't see why a daytime play date can't be arranged. Why does she need to sleep there? Particularly since Op doesn't know the parents.

Knowing the parents/family situation isn’t just about the extreme end of abuse, its also being able to trust their judgement and values.

I wouldn't leave my child with someone I don't trust and I can't trust someone if I don't know them at least a bit. E.g. what sort of things do their kids watch are there any restrictions or do they have free reign, does their child have a phone/social media if so that's not ok for my 8 year old, any older siblings with mates hanging round swearing etc, smokers, big dogs, playing out rules etc. My children weren't/arent wrapped in cotton wool at all but I wouldn't send them into a household that I know nothing about and hadn't been able to suss out and the same goes for any kids that we've had over here, the parents have always got to know us a bit first or accompanied them when a bit younger.

Thank you

Great clapback.

We all do what we’re comfortable with when parenting our children. Just because millions of other parents allow it, doesn’t mean some of us are willing to take the risk…

@Menomeno I don't know who you associate yourself with... It's certainly not the norm that mothers leave their DC with a man that they don't even know! 🙄