Page 4 | AIBU not wanting DD to go to sleepover?

EdgyFinch · 2024-03-13T12:07:51+00:00

My DD (8) has been invited to her friends for a sleep over at the weekend, he isn’t someone she often actively plays with at school, AIBU not wanting her to go, as I feel she’s too young?

Notmyjob007 · 13/03/2024 15:23

My children never went to sleepovers. My two girls now aged 14 and 16 only go to sleepovers with their closest friends and we know the families very well. There's usually at least three or four staying over when my 14 year old goes on a sleepover . My 16 year old only ever stays with her best friend. They keep in touch with me on their mobiles.

No need for kids to stay over in strangers houses, it's far too dangerous.

shellshapes · 13/03/2024 15:25

I won't be letting my children sleep over anyone's house until they're teenagers who have phones and a clear sense of self protection personally.
I know lots of people think this is overkill but I'd rather not take any chances and you just can't chance things like this.

My mum did the same thing when I was younger, and of course I didn't understand and thought she was the worst mum in the world! But now looking back I'm so grateful.

I'd let her go during the day and pick her up later in the evening.

ilovebreadsauce · 13/03/2024 15:26

slickerthanyouraverage · 13/03/2024 12:30

No, I work in child protection. My children will not be attending sleepovers until she is at secondary school.
Even if you know the parents, who else has access to the house? Are there siblings? Do they have friends over too? Then there is the issue of medication and cleaning product storage. Different families have very different standards in their home.
I know I sound paranoid but the cases that come across my desk have led me to this decision for my own children.
At the end of the day, your job is to protect your child. Saying "do they want to go" is ridiculous, my 8 year old wanted to eat fudge cake for every meal and a pet parrot... they don't know the bigger picture surrounding the things they want, it's a parents job to decide that for them.

The child is 8 not 3 !!!f your child at 8 doesn't know better than to eat random medication and cleaning products lying about, then you have done a poor job of raising them.
Your job as a parent is not to wrap them in cotton wool, but to learn how to cope with situations.

therealcookiemonster · 13/03/2024 15:27

slickerthanyouraverage · 13/03/2024 12:30

No, I work in child protection. My children will not be attending sleepovers until she is at secondary school.
Even if you know the parents, who else has access to the house? Are there siblings? Do they have friends over too? Then there is the issue of medication and cleaning product storage. Different families have very different standards in their home.
I know I sound paranoid but the cases that come across my desk have led me to this decision for my own children.
At the end of the day, your job is to protect your child. Saying "do they want to go" is ridiculous, my 8 year old wanted to eat fudge cake for every meal and a pet parrot... they don't know the bigger picture surrounding the things they want, it's a parents job to decide that for them.

exactly this

IsthisthereallifeIsthisjustfantasy · 13/03/2024 15:30

slickerthanyouraverage · 13/03/2024 12:30

No, I work in child protection. My children will not be attending sleepovers until she is at secondary school.
Even if you know the parents, who else has access to the house? Are there siblings? Do they have friends over too? Then there is the issue of medication and cleaning product storage. Different families have very different standards in their home.
I know I sound paranoid but the cases that come across my desk have led me to this decision for my own children.
At the end of the day, your job is to protect your child. Saying "do they want to go" is ridiculous, my 8 year old wanted to eat fudge cake for every meal and a pet parrot... they don't know the bigger picture surrounding the things they want, it's a parents job to decide that for them.

I can't believe you didn't get your child a parrot.

Hickorydickorydock123 · 13/03/2024 15:33

I can’t believe there are parents that would actually let their young children sleep over at a stranger’s house? The OP said she doesn’t know the parents well and her daughter doesn’t even really play with the boy. Plus she’s never been to a sleepover before not even close family by the sounds of it.

Aliceisagooddog · 13/03/2024 15:40

No, I'm really not ok with sleepovers till 14 plus years. I also didn't allow play dates with random friends at primary if I didn't know the parents well. Be willing to be unpopular given the risk/reward calculation.

Beezknees · 13/03/2024 15:44

IsthisthereallifeIsthisjustfantasy · 13/03/2024 15:30

I can't believe you didn't get your child a parrot.

Show quote history

Agree! Very unreasonable.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/03/2024 15:47

Well at secondary you're even less likely to even meet the parents, let alone get to know them, so how is that reassuring?

lala567 · 13/03/2024 15:48

A boy she doesn't really talk to has asked her to sleep at his and you sound like you are considering it?

WTF

MaloneMeadow · 13/03/2024 15:49

Aliceisagooddog · 13/03/2024 15:40

No, I'm really not ok with sleepovers till 14 plus years. I also didn't allow play dates with random friends at primary if I didn't know the parents well. Be willing to be unpopular given the risk/reward calculation.

Surely at primary age you’re still there supervising said play date though?

lala567 · 13/03/2024 15:53

My DDs have stopped out since age 8 but I know the parents well. I'm so glad they got to experience that.

SpringSprungALeak · 13/03/2024 15:57

HaveSomeIntrospect · 13/03/2024 12:23

If my dd’s have ever wanted a sleepover it has been here in their home. On the very rare occasions that they have been for a sleepover, it has been to homes with no males in the home.

I am probably overthinking it but why take the risk. Why would you send your children to sleep in a place with people you don’t know?

@HaveSomeIntrospect

same as why do anything?

because it's fun! Kids enjoy (the stupidly named) sleep overs.

your kids are far more at risk with uncles/grandfathers/step brothers/partners than they are at sleep overs.

im SO glad I grew up before the ridiculous amount of cotton wool.

SpringSprungALeak · 13/03/2024 15:59

GabriellaMontez · 13/03/2024 12:29

It would be a flat no from me.

I'd want to know people well before allowing a child to stay.

At 8 years old I wouldn't even consider it.

In the circumstances, I think they're a bit weird to ask.

@GabriellaMontez

be as paranoid as you want to, but don't accuse others of being weird because they're doing something perfectly normal

HardHeartedHarbingerofHaggis · 13/03/2024 16:01

I've never allowed mine to go on sleepovers before teen years unless I know the family really well, even then they weren't until end of Y6 and few and far between. Similar for play dates, I wouldnt let them go to a house where I didn't know the parents. No social harm has resulted from this!

They are now older teens/young adults. Pre high school age and certainly at 8 they are too young to reliably advocate for themselves if they are in an uncomfortable situation, even if its not a worst case scenario situation.They have no way of contacting me if they need to, except via an unfamiliar adult so its up to me as their parent not to put them in a situation they aren't ready for.

SpringSprungALeak · 13/03/2024 16:17

TotalDramarama24 · 13/03/2024 15:13

Oh that's great OP. I never let any of my kids sleep over at anyone's house in primary school. There's just no need for it.

Show quote history

@TotalDramarama24

theres 'no need' for lots of things we do in life. But we do them because we enjoy them, have fun. Crazy concept I know.

ladygindiva · 13/03/2024 16:19

Menomeno · 13/03/2024 12:31

Don’t be ridiculous. But why would a parent leave their child with a man they don’t know? And why does MN freak out at the thought of a mother introducing their kids to a man they’ve been dating for three years, yet think it’s acceptable to leave them overnight with a man you’ve never met/met in passing?

Show quote history

This !!! Totally!!!

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 13/03/2024 16:22

Caravaggiouch · 13/03/2024 12:38

I don’t think it sounds like you know the family well enough. It would be a no from me.

Will be a no for me too. My son does go to his friends sleepover same has my daughters because I know the parents well and I have no worries but if I didn’t know them well will be definitely a no

DinnaeFashYersel · 13/03/2024 16:22

I'd let her go if she wants to go.

You will get a full range opinions on here as you can see from this thread.

This sort of decision you need to make yourself.

mentallyilltotallychill · 13/03/2024 16:27

YANBU

You never know family dynamics well enough and who may also potentially be there, even friends my son has had and parents ive known since he was 18months just things dont sit right for overnights. Ive said to my son absolutely no sleep overs till he’s 13 but at 8 with all the stats now well know about abuse coming from someone the child knows or family friends / others in others home i wouldn’t be comfortable with it at all.

i used to go to sleepovers really young but i think now with stats being out there especially and at such a young age still i don’t think YABU. Or maybe im just overly cautious working with safeguarding teams over the years.

like others have suggested, maybe a late pick up

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/03/2024 16:29

No need to sleepover at a friends house especially at that age

MaloneMeadow · 13/03/2024 16:31

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/03/2024 16:29

No need to sleepover at a friends house especially at that age

There’s no ‘need’ to do most things but life would be rather joy free without them

ilovebreadsauce · 13/03/2024 16:35

TotalDramarama24 · 13/03/2024 15:13

Oh that's great OP. I never let any of my kids sleep over at anyone's house in primary school. There's just no need for it.

Show quote history

Did you not let them go during hours of daylight èither.why is that safe?

Mentquit · 13/03/2024 16:39

SpringSprungALeak · 13/03/2024 15:59

@GabriellaMontez

be as paranoid as you want to, but don't accuse others of being weird because they're doing something perfectly normal

Show quote history

Agree!

mushypeas94 · 13/03/2024 16:39

Absolutely not. I work in child protection. Why take the risk?