Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

I think it's best to focus on the fact she knows how to work and save. If I was her Grandparents I'd probably be keen to reward that too.

Sounds amazing. Lucky girl

Completely agree.
No problem with the gap year ( my own have done it ), but Columbia would not be my choice. ( I think I held my breath the entire time my DS went to Cuba for a week and he was with 4 huge guys).
Some of those internship programmes are pretty dodgy brothers. She'd probably be better just travelling and picking up work , that would help her language skills too.
If she is studying languages ( Spanish was it?) then why not Spain, or maybe Uruguay if she likes South America.
Don't think the gp's have done anything wrong.

Just to add there used to be the company called Gapforce UK. They used to do a mixture of work and travel packages but so many people just travelled and fell into jobs abroad anyway to pay for the next leg of travel. Tefl is good way to teach abroad. Courses are super quick and easy.

She's got 45+ years of working life to look forward to. I'd be thrilled that she was taking a gap year to travel, get some work experience and enjoy being young.

Just had a bit of a tiff with DD.

She says she has done her research and while she agrees Colombia isn't the safest, she is prepared to take the necessary caution to make it work and "doesn't want to always do the safe thing if it limits her".
She also says she will do the necessary research on the company and if she is happy with it and her grandparents are happy to pay I should "let her get on with it".

Her attitude is bothering me now.

You are going the right way for her to never come back from this gap year. I don't imagine she likes your attitude much either.

Opportunity to see the world vs working in Tesco for a year. Hard one.

I agree with pps that the role she's looking into isn't an internship, it's paying - a lot - to fill a space on a CV, and unlikely to convince future employers, and there's a risk that she'll be hanging out with other English speaking 'interns' and won't improve her language skills.

If her grandparents are happy to fund a gap year, a residential Spanish course in Spain would be great, and some travelling after that. There is lots of availability, and as a pp suggested, she could do some TEFL too.

Columbia sounds a bit risky for a first independent travel experience, there's a high risk of crime, and 18 year olds don't always have street smarts to be safe in a very different culture, never mind the sometimes predatory 20something year old backpackers in hostels.

You are being ridiculous!

I bet she can't wait to get away from your negativity.

She's being a bit difficult about it.

She wants to south east Asia alone August-December which terrifies me as well.

Insists she doesn't want to teach English, wants to go to South America etc.
She's being stubborn and won't take on any advice!

Colombia is quite dangerous 😬
I worked in Brazil teaching English in my 20s and had fun overall but some pretty scary experiences too. I think i was quite naive to the poverty and the risks of living and working there. She needs to go with a reputable organisation. How about Costa Rica or somewhere generally a bit safer?

Why don't you research few reputable options for her OP. A pain I know but bests her thinking your just trying to block everything. She ll likely be abit more amenable to discussing other routes then.

Are you the same poster who posted about her daughter being 'lost' or words to that effect because you and her school wanted her to do finance/law/medicine and she wants to do marketing/languages.

If so, I'm kind of glad she has someone in her corner.

Once she leaves university she's staring down the barrel of about 50 years of working. Why not let her enjoy these years now, if she wants to do it, and it's covered financially? I'd get on board and help her plan. She'll always remember how you respond to this - with shared excitement or with unfathomable resentment.

I moved to South America for a year when I was 17. First solo travel experience in a similar sort of programme. It was absolutely incredible. Bit weird you don't want your daughter to take such an amazing opportunity.

If you don't like the company, just find another? There's lots. Or even do something else like a language course. Plenty of options.

I'd be really worried about a lone young woman in Colombia.

Unfortunately, you've been so relentlessly negative about this trip that she's not going to listen to you about any of it now. She's not stubborn, she's just tuned you out because you were being so unreasonable.

She has the next 50 years to work full time. Let her explore the world while she can!

I went to South America when I was about 20 ish. Unbelievably awesome experience and I am so so glad I did it. Plus she can speak some Spanish! Yes it must be terrifying for you... But you might have to let her go. Buy her a lonely planet columbia and tell her how she might be able to protect herself... Although she might not listen to you ;) can you hook her up with anyone who has been before if she hasn't already?

Exactly this.

No I would appreciate it, they're doing a nice thing for their grandchild, I'd let them

It sounds like she's going to argue about every concern you have so could you have a conversation with the grandparents about ensuring she's in a safe environment and working for a reputable company? She's more likely to listen to them at the moment and they will surely want her to have the safest experience.

I'd do it for my grandkids if I could.

Let your DD have some fun. She sounds pretty clued up. It'll be fabulous for her.

Really? You think it's a good idea for an 18 year old to go to Columbia? You'd be happy for your own daughter to do it, would you?

Life in your late teens and early twenties is for living, she has her whole adulthood to work a full time job. I spent my gap year travelling and another 2 years straight after graduating from uni volunteering abroad and they were sone of the best days of my lives. I’ll never get those experiences again now I have adult roles and responsibilities I can’t really just abandon for a year. I’d be pleased on her behalf she has grandparents who can fund an adventure like this for her and that she’ll get to live a bit before having to knuckle down at uni and enter the daily grind of adult life.