Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

This is spot on. Very different issues and I totally agree with the above. I'd be very careful about the area she's going to and what this particular company is offering.

Let her have some fun. She sounds like a hard working, sensible girl. She has worked and saved since 16. Her grandparents are giving her a wonderful opportunity - try to look beyond their clumsy presentation.

What an amazing opportunity if it’s legit. Even just travelling would be an amazing gift to help her grow up and experience life.

My lovely Mum funded my children’s gap years and I was so bloody grateful as were my children.
They really appreciated the opportunity and speak fondly about Grandma 10 years after she died. They are lovely adults who have never behaved in an entitled way .
As my Mum always said..just say thank you .
Just edited to say definitely be cautious about Columbia …my son went to South America for his gap travels and it was the one country he avoided !

It sounds like an amazing opportunity. If my DD was able to have an experience like this without the pressure of funding it fully herself, at an age where she has little to no responsibility I'd jump at the chance for her!

I would ask that she fully research every element and show my her exact plans with sources that prove areas/companies are fully legit to ensure that she is completely aware of the safety requirements when planning something like this. Once she had done as much as possible on her own of that i would then go through with her, ask questions to make sure its all iron clad and help her fill in any gaps.

I honestly don't even understand why you think this is even an issue?... but maybe it's because we come from different worlds and I could only dream of being able to do this for my own DD / for my future grandchildren. What an amazing opportunity for your DD. Plus she will be 18? An adult? Surely it's between them and her. It's not like they are going behind your back and letting your 2 year old have multiple icecreams when you've specifially said no. Plus your DD has been working since she is 16 and obviously understands the value of hard work. Be grateful for how fortunate you are that DDs grandparents are so supportive of her. Let her enjoy this opportunity!

Don't understand why you'd want to stop your kid having great experiences in favour of a tedious 9-5 (almost certainly low paid as she has no qualifications). She's got her whole life for that.

It's probably the only opportunity she has to be able to do this- young enough that she doesn't have responsibilities yet, and old enough to go. As long as she is fully aware of what you will and won't be funding when she goes to uni, why not let her have a year where she can be irresponsible- heaven knows responsibility creeps up on all of us and once you have it, it never leaves!

YABU. It's a wonderful opportunity for her before she settles down to a life of work. She sounds like a sensible young woman, you should be pleased she has a chance for some fun.

I can remember that my Dad paid for my flight to Australia 35 years ago . I was so happy and extremely grateful for the opportunity to travel and have fun. Have been a nurse since then and always vowed to go back just haven’t had the opportunity again.

YABU!!

She should definitely enjoy her gap year. No one takes a gap year to work unless they absolutely have to in order to fund uni and then it's not a gap year it's just deferring for a year. Your parents didn't go over your head. They've given a gift to their adult granddaughter.

I don’t disagree with the principle but
a. Am not convinced Colombia is safe
b. A very quick google suggests that company is not as legit as all that

paying £6k for the privilege of working and on top of that pay for flights and living costs? I’d be discouraging.

Internships are slave labour…it’s a really bad idea…plus even worse that she is paying to work for free….awful 😣

I think it sounds wonderful! I can't understand why you're not delighted! Life is long and tough enough. Why not let your child have an amazing opportunity when possible?

YADBU. What a scrooge.

your parents sound amazing and I hope your daughter has a lovely time and eventually goes NC with you miserable gits

Just curious what you'd suggest instead if she wants to spend 4 months somewhere in South America?

DD is adamant it makes sense she'd have to pay as she doesn't have much value you to them right now. She is pretty got at Spanish (not fluent but definitely intermediate level at least).

I tend to agree with you but it’s also nice to get help from GPs and yr DD is very fortunate to have this.
Why Colombia? Is she particularly interested in the country/this line of work?
However the internship sounds very dodgy & ridiculously costly. Also if she’s not pretty fluent in Spanish it will be difficult for her to contribute much or understand what is going on.
For example, If she’s interested in the environment, there are opportunities to volunteer in Costa Rica’s national parks

Paying 5k to sit in.an office for 16 weeks sounds bonkers. If they want to give her 5k that's great. She could do a language course for a month and then travel for that money.

Thanks, clearly I should but out on the money front.

DD really want the opportunity to actually live somewhere else for part of her gap year and travel for the rest. She also wants something that can go on her CV even if it is a lot of shadowing etc.
She's really attracted to South America.

Does anyone have any ideas of what she could do instead as people don't seem to support to the paying for work experience.

Does anyone think paying for work experience is ok?

It honestly depends what sort of work experience she wants to do. If she is doing languages at uni then a TEFL programme might be really useful for her, and some companies offer paid programmes too.

When I was a student I knew a few people who went abroad to teach English with the British Council. They're a very reputable organisation.

Gosh OP you are being both a killjoy and short sighted.

Travel and some internships are going to be a million times better for her development than an office temp job, given she’s already working.

And yes it’s a normal thing for grandparents to do.

Paying for work experience on a gap year is usual in many voluntary job - and in this instance usually fair enough - they are still kids and usually borderline useless. I say this as someone who did similar gap year stuff and later supervised them - they are paying for a growing up experience, during which they might be a bit useful.

If it’s a corporate placement where she’s doing basic office work that’s different (it’s not right not to be paid but it’s not unusual) - having said that, if she’s working in a foreign language, or a different culture, it’s hard to know why she’d get in preference to a local.

There are a ton of gap year organisations, so have a Google and see who has good reviews.

Ah let her travel OP. It's funded what more could you ask for. She'll look back on this year and itl hopefully be the making of her as i assume she'll be backpacking of sorts and not luxury travelling?! She'll pick up so many life skills along the way that she just will never get behind a desk and there is the rest of her life to be chained to the workforce. Give her the year, it won't ruin her life- quite the opposite hopefully!

YABU. If you're excited and pleased for her she will share with you. Lovely thing for GP to do.

With all due respect, she will likely retire much later than you, give her these years to enjoy without the pressure to work