to be fed up with DH spouting 'I've been at work all day'

[Boobalina]

and basically saying I do fuck all all day at home... apart from be on my maternity leave looking after 6 month old who has never slept through yet and a 3 year old.

It feels like every night he comes home from work and moans that I havent done a paticular task round the house - last night it was WW3 becuase I hadnt taken 3 yr olds PJ's back up stairs after getting him dressed in the morning... he said 'What do you actually do all day?'

When I challenge him on it I get smart arse responses like, 'well I've been at work all day earning money for our family'

I could cheerfully bump him off at the moment.

Oldlady, I did give Boobalina tips on tidying. Based on the OP, I would say her dh is an Arse. But she did come back and say that her dh could see the error of his ways:

"Spoke to DH earlier on this morning (was up at the shops getting bits and bobs for us all) and he asked what I had planned for later in the day.... I told him I would mostly be reading Heat Magazine.

Ha ha ha! Made him laugh and see what a nob he was being."

So I did not see the point of berating her dh. No doubt he must have other redeeming features. I suspect all this OTT attitude is likely to fade once Boobalina goes back to work in July.

I get where you're coming from old lady... but I wonder if we had a thread asking SAHMs if their dh recognised & appreciated the work they do at home, what the answer would be.

Do you go to your dh's place of work & recognise what he does?

Abusive?

Dear god

They should both work and then these types of problems disappear and both adults take responsiblity for children and home equally. Women who enable men to foist on to women all house chores etc have only themselves to blame. They mustn't accept that and the best way to get a better deal is work. Anyway she went back to work when the first one was 10 months an dpresumably might with this as she found it more restful being at work. That is the obvious solution.

I find it easier & nicer being at work all day too

And when I come home my dh has my dinner on the table & the kids either fed or nearly fed.... I love that man!

Hi NumberSix, my sympathies about the velcro baby. I totally understand, having had 2 myself and never having found anyone in RL (other than on mn) who had similar babies.

You are in a unique situation, particularly being a lone parent. It will get better - I promise, once your dd is older. She will be a delight.

I don't get the feeling that Boobalina's baby is that demanding though. This is from her posting her schedule. It is not the walking on eggshells/trapped at home type of schedule I would have posted with mine. Boo will no doubt now come and say how difficult her dd is

I do feel churlish complaining when countless women are doing the same on their own. I take my hats off to you all.

DD isnt particularly demanding, but is a mummies girl so always wants me even when DH is about which can be wearing. It makes it hard when I want to spend quality one on one time with DS - each time I try and take him out for special treat - to wagamama's or wherever, I get a call from DH to say DS is freaking out! The second I walk back through the door its all smiles again through the tears! Flattering but claustrohobic sometimes.

DH is continuing to be a bit more respectful and how I do things at home and I am trying a bit harder too so we have more of a mutal thing going (this week at least!)

Yes things will even out when I return to work come July, they did last time. Hopefully by then DD will have learnt to sleep better too!

Thank you for all the support and advice.

Plus, DD slept for 6 full hours last night which was TERRIFIC!!! Feel like a different person today. No wonder Sleep deprivation has always been used as a form of Torture!

sorry NumberSix, I must have got distracted. It has been known to happen! Our experiences are spookily similar. My dd is also 4.7. And lately I have been thinking what great company she is, compared to her baby/toddler days. Ditto about work being a great sanctuary once I got into it.

Boobalina, all the best. It looks like things have settled down. Hopefully the 6 hour stretch is a sign of things to come soon ...

It's good if people can both mutually try to be a bit better to the other. I've a friend (not in the boyfriend sense) who almost left his wife this week. It's fascinating seeing these things from the male side sometimes.

I had fairly velcro babies actually particularly the first. If you don't have one you don';t nkow what they're like. At 8am when we left for work we literally peeled her off us and handed her to the nanny and kind of collapsed on to a train to read without interruption for 30 minutes before work. Work was such a relief. YOu feel "touched out" too with babies like that because they are literally attached almost all day long and usually quite a bit in the night too. That one is now 23 years old but I still remember that velcro feeling - very nice phrase which describes it just right.

Is she still a Mummy's girl, Xenia?

xenia, so glad that you have had velcro babies too. Can you offer insight into how velcro characteristics as babies shape your dcs' personalities as young adults? I assume some of your children are more clingy as babies than others. You have the benefit of the experience of 5, at least the older 3, to be able to compare.

I am still in the trenches with 2 velcros below 5. Tell me it is all worth it and there is a god.

I think the first one was more a velcro baby because I wasn't able to distinguish between what was a need to be constantly flesh and flesh or held from when actually it wouldn't matter too much if she were dumped on the floor because the 1 and 3 year old wanted attention (which for the first one you don't have). So I suppose in a sense I think the velcro is perhaps partly the mother's personality and lack of experience in some cases and once you have more they just have to put up with being de-stuck from you. That one was always very attention seeking and she's like that now - she will dominate a room, be the life and soul of the party kind of thing.

One of the twins (now 9) was more velcro than the other and he chats all the time to adults (and siblings), very interactive verbal little boy. His non velcro twin who would crawl across the hall and play very happily much more on his own is the same now. He'll go off into the garden with a ball and kick it on his own for ages. I suppose children all differ aren't made to a mould and to an extent to adapt your parenting to the child.

fascinating. Thanks, Xenia So interesting to see how their personalities develop.

I don't think I'd do it different but having the twins 13 years after the first which made me feel I was getting a second chance and at time I feel as laid back as a grandparent with them actually, I did want a better bed time routine although we always did have a bed time and time when they were asleep when we had an evening together but I did try a slightly more regimented getting them to bed thing which worked better but then again they were twins so it woudl not be the same when we had a baby, 1 and 3 year old because those are harder to deal with and different ages.

The hardest stage for us ever including teenage years was three chidlren of different ages under 4.

I just love the title of this thread! How many times have I heard this...!

I have just started working on the odd Saturday morning again (in addition to PT job in the week), and half the reason apart from money is so DH has to have the children. However I find that on the rare occasions he has them for any length of time he just looks after the children whereas I would be shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, remmebering birthdays, playdates, rainbows, swimming, doing the household finances, remembering when the MOTs/insurance are due on cars etc etc on top of looking after Dcs so they never get a true representation of what we actually do.