to be fed up with DH spouting 'I've been at work all day'

[Boobalina]

and basically saying I do fuck all all day at home... apart from be on my maternity leave looking after 6 month old who has never slept through yet and a 3 year old.

It feels like every night he comes home from work and moans that I havent done a paticular task round the house - last night it was WW3 becuase I hadnt taken 3 yr olds PJ's back up stairs after getting him dressed in the morning... he said 'What do you actually do all day?'

When I challenge him on it I get smart arse responses like, 'well I've been at work all day earning money for our family'

I could cheerfully bump him off at the moment.

LOL- Sorry Cornsilk, am reading and posting in a rush
I agree with you btw

cornsilk, we often laugh about the fact my dh comes in from work, wants to relax and the children are all over him and I have that 'my shift is over' attitude.
He actually loves it now because he misses tham so much but it took a few years for us to get used to it

I agree its all about respect. I think both the person at home and at work should respect eachother. I am currently on mat leave and see it as one of the benefits of being a sahm for a while to make life easier for Dh at work. I am enjoying my mat leave and he can enjoy coming home to less chores at home (cannot promise dinner on the table, but that;s because he wouldn't want a dinner cooked by me anyway) I would be annoyed if he came home and moaned about an overlooked pyjamas on the floor and I think there are days which are so hectic with the children it is difficult to get much done, but on the whole I think if you are at home with the children then its not difficult to juggle a few things at home.

Agree about making his time at work easier FM

I very rarely have any tea ready for dh - slummy mummy .

"The fact the OP posted on an AIBU is no defence for crass rematks is it?
Most sahm's I know do not have a life that even vaguely resembles what Quattro considers an average sahm's day.
What point do you think she was trying to make in that post then?"

Mrs Ruffalo I have made no assumptions about what constitutes an average sahm's day - I was responding to an itinerary that was posted by the OP.

I think they're both worthy jobs. Which is why I find it odd that some people thought that when the OP looking after the children that is considered hard work and when her DP is looking after them at the weekend then it is having fun. Either looking after kids is hard work or it isn't - it shouldn't be gender-specific

Right.

As I have said, I have been a SAHM in the not too distant past & now I work 3 days a week...

My average days as a SAHM:

Get up around 8am.

Get kids ready for school/breakfast & at school/playgroup for 9.30am

Come home & have cup of tea whilst reading MN. Do this until about 11am.

Load or unload the washing machine (If I can drag myself away from the laptop)

Hang the washing on the line/load dryer.

More laptop time.

Pick ds up at 12.30

Have lunch with ds & maybe play a bit of lego/cars/watch some tv with him.

Pick dd up at 2pm.

Do her homework.

Make dinner. 4.30pm

Some days I would hoover, but usually left it 'til the weekend when dh was at home... I would tell him to clean the bathroom as it was him messed it

Kids to bed at 7pm.

Mn rest of night.

And that's me being 100% honest about what I did. I was the laziest SAHM I know. I hated it.

Now on my work days I am up at 7am & often have a load of washing done the night before to hang before I go to work.

I always load the d/washer & turn it on if needs be.

I wipe the worktops & make sure all the curtains are open before I go out.

I also put the clothes away as soon as I take them out of the d/washer. I clean the bathroom when I have 5 mins doing nothing.... Dh still helps out loads, but I am amazed at how much more housework I do now I am out of the home!!

"But hey-ho, luckily there are those of us who value being with our children more than cold hard cash." This comment so hasn't been thought through before posting... so I shall refrain from saying all the things I would like to say about it.

"I think the point that people like Quattro try to make is that your day is unproductive because you are not earning money.
But hey-ho, luckily there are those of us who value being with our children more than cold hard cash.Or maybe she is trying to be controversial (yawn)"

I am truly not trying to be controversial - when one posts on an AIBU thread, is it not possible to take YABU on the chin? Since when has AIBU been a rhetorical question?

I do not determine productivity in terms of cold hard cash but if you are seriously telling me that a day with mumsnetting, recreational shopping and phil and fern is productive then you are truly living on another planet.

Am I envious of the time that the OP has? Well it would be kind of nice to have the time to waste like that, but tbh I would be the worst sahm on the planet. I'd get totally unproductive because I'd find it so very hard to get motivated and energised.

men think work is so much harder than being home with children well mine did, until he had to do it and now do you know what he says mummy is a saint,w e do have one daughter with behavioural problems (autism spectrum maybe)
but it is hard going they get smoke breaks and lunch breaks how many times a day to we get to sit on r arses and have ten mins peace and quiet.
so i would pick a day he is not working and get out on your own and let him do the work and apart from anything dont let him speak to you like that out earning money and what do you actually do, oh we just pop babies out they get the pleasure we get the pain, sometimes having fun with r kids is so much more important when we r dead the housework will still be there so ignore him !!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, have not read the whole post but if I were you I would go out and get a full-time position and if you are both out the house all day what the hell can he moan about???

Has WallOfSilence actually read the OP? The OP is at home with a non-sleeping baby and a three year old. They are not out from 9.30am til 12.30pm! YANBU OP.

My DH did this to me just once. He came home from work late (8pm) and I'd done no cleaning up after tea/bath/bed-time because FOR ONCE there was a programme I wanted to watch on tv. So he walked into a house that looked like it normally did before I'd done yet another hours-worth of chores.

My solution (not ideal) was to scream at him like a banshee and tell him he was a fucking idiot and I hope he enjoyed his sandwich from pret a manger and reading the paper on the train and getting to talk to grown-ups all day instead of constantly having to leave every single little task I'd started to change a nappy or clean up a spillage or deal with a tantrum. I just completely lost the plot with him and he never complained in quite the same voice again.

Then I got a job working on Saturdays and left him to it for 9 hours with two children just one day a week (and this was long after second dc was toilet trained). He finally got the message.

Boobalina has 3yr old in nursery 8.30/9. Doesnt say when she collects tho

eekamoose...love your style!

Yes, Wallofsilence has read the OP and every single post since....

Don't be so damn patronising.

I think part of the problem is that people who have only ever SAH think going to work is the same as they experienced before children - but it isn't ime - not at all.

OTOH most men will only ever have WOTH and think being at home all day is that same as it was before children - which it isn't - not at all!

Both options are more challenging post children and having done both for me the biggest challenge was that all of the chores that you get done during the day when a SAHP, are still waiting on you when you get back from work. I didn't find it at all hard to keep on top of housework and look after the children when SAH, but I definitely slowed down a lot during that time, making it feel harder than it probably was. In my case that was probably because being a SAHP depressed the living hell out of me, which of course, is not the case for most people!

Good post Soapbox. Agree with a lot of what you say. With me it's a case of "if you want something doing give it to a busy person" the more time i have the less i seem to achieve, whereas if i have to work at 10am the house is spotless usually before i leave.

Soapbox...I know what you are saying! I was a SAHM for one year and hardly managed to stay on top of things. have been back at work for one month now and have done loads........the less time you have the more you do.

Blimey what a bunfight!

I'm a single mother, and I work full time as well as doing everthing at home so therefore I am well hard ...and I sympathise fully with the OP. The not sleeping is absolutely hellish and just makes the days drag on and on And having someone sniping at you for not doing something completeky trivial when you're exhausted is just about the bloody limit.

My days are so full I find it very hard to function on disturbed sleep but I often have to do it..so boobalina you have my sympathy.

Particularly as my DS is three and very boisterous

And shopping with a three year old in tow is most definitely NOT recreational. Jeeze...unless they are extraordinarily well behaved. Am I missing something?

Also, nowt wrong with a good old waste of time. I do it whenever I can!

From the OP's journal of her day, the 3yo was in nursery while she "trounced" about in the shops ...

Just for the record.

I don't think it really matters what you 'do' with your time during the day at all.

I often say 'I'm tired, I've been at work all day' when I get in. I don't mean that in any way a criticism of the person who has been at home, I just mean 'I'm tired, I've been at work all day and I'd quite like to sit down on the sofa for 5 minutes before having to think about dinner or kids' bedtime etc.'

He may not have meant it as a criticism. He may have just been tired and ratty and a bit short tempered which is crap but understandable. Competitive shitness of day is quite common I think but there are never any winners.

And if the cleaning is a big issue, could you afford a cleaner?

Yes get a cleaner! I would not still be married had we not had a cleaner. And shop online!

i think it matters if your OH is getting upset about something and you can do something about it.

not if it's something like cleaning which he won't do

if I didn't clean, I wouldn't dare criticise the person who did