to be fed up with DH spouting 'I've been at work all day'

[Boobalina]

and basically saying I do fuck all all day at home... apart from be on my maternity leave looking after 6 month old who has never slept through yet and a 3 year old.

It feels like every night he comes home from work and moans that I havent done a paticular task round the house - last night it was WW3 becuase I hadnt taken 3 yr olds PJ's back up stairs after getting him dressed in the morning... he said 'What do you actually do all day?'

When I challenge him on it I get smart arse responses like, 'well I've been at work all day earning money for our family'

I could cheerfully bump him off at the moment.

Dh wouldn't even dream of spouting that one! You have my sympathies. But a lot of people - mostly dhs and younger, childless colleagues - have not the faintest idea what it's like with kids at home, and all the other chuff that goes with it.

I cant think of many jobs your dh would be doing that is as relentless and boring as running a household with young children. Obviously we all adore the bones of our kids, but no-one ever tells you just how bloody hard and tiring it is. Mine are 6 and 2 and they are wearing me out at the moment. I am looking forward to going back to work next week:
a)there will be tea and meal breaks
b)I will be starting tasks, concentrating fully on them and completing them within a set time
c) at least one person will say 'well done you're doing a good job'

I'm lucky in that dh is hugely appreciative of the job I do at home even though his job is physical, gorey, with long hours and he is often standing for hours on end: he will readily admit that it's a peace of piss compared to being at home with the kids!

Your rewards will come the first day your dh has to have them all day - and you must insist that he doesn't use his joker card and take them to his mum's.

My DH USED to spout that one, until I was quite unwell and he had to look after the WHOLE family for three days, when I was better HE went to bed for three days to recover

Not much washing or tidying up got done, and he did have a break every 4-6 hours as ds was still heavily into bf...and dd is quite self sufficient.

Now he occasionally ventures into the 'I'm so tired' territory, usually backed up with a rabbit in headlines face and a 'Oh, but you must be more tired!'

Time for your DP to bond with the 2 dcs sounds ripe...

Also - it's MATERNITY leave, not housework leave IMHO.

DUMP HIM! well maybe thats a bit harsh, leave him in charge of the kids for a week, tell him he can be the stay at home dad for a week, then when u come home say "oh i thought u would of done that......"

grrrrrr!! makes me so mad! My oh doesnt say anything like that, only if were joking. Try turning his comments around "i've been stuck at home all day, at least you've had a break at work".
If all else fails DUMP HIM!! ha ha xxxxx

I'm sure my dh thinks this too sometimes, but he's not brave/stupid enough to actually say it to me dd, ds and myself all have a sickness bug just now, and dh came home at lunchtime yesterday to check on us - I thought that was sweet of him until I realised he expected me to make his lunch

Dh and I used to share the childcare when dd was little. And I worked in his job before we had the kids. So his chances of pulling that one are slim

Spoke to DH earlier on this morning (was up at the shops getting bits and bobs for us all) and he asked what I had planned for later in the day.... I told him I would mostly be reading Heat Magazine.

Ha ha ha! Made him laugh and see what a nob he was being.

Saying that, I have got loads to do round the house and I dont know where to start? Keep seeing little collections of hair and dust in the corners in the bathroom - staring at them for a bit and then thinking - I can't face it!

Maybe I'll read the Grazia I just bought instead.... heee heee!

In seriousness though - this is what I have done so far today - does it sound 'enough' considering its nearly 2pm

7am up with both kids
BF babe, get her dressed.
Feed 3 yr old and make him dress himself.
Shower for me, dress, breakfast
8.30 - drive 3yo to nursery
9 - drive to big shopping centre, trounce about buying bumwipes, baby rice, supper, present for DH friends new baby, present for girlfriend for tonight
11.00 - get home, BF babe.
Use Brasso on door knocker (god knows why - its knackered) and bits in house (it stinks)
Fold up dry laundry and put away.
12 - eat sandwhich and watch a bit of Phillip and fern
12.30 Feed babe lunch and have a bit of a play with her
sort out kitchen
Put on new load of laundry
Wrap one present and write card
Do online banking
Put Babe down for a nap
Come on here...

Ace! I've just been doing some weeding in the garden too - until babe started grumbling about being strapped into her rocking chair out there with me.

Flipin' heck - you've got a 3yo, a 6 month old and are about to have another - you deserve a medal just for getting through the day.

I work 2 days a week and the men at work (although not my DH, he knows what's good for him) love to tell me about my cushy number and most of them are married to SAHMs. Despite my efforts, they really don't get how absolutely draining it is to be at home with small children. They've done it you see, you know, that time they "let" Dw go shopping with her mum and they had the children for ONE WHOLE DAY on their own.

To be fair to them though, I am shattered at the end of my work days too and they probably think, it's OK for her she doesn't have to do it day in day out (which is true).

Sorry I really don't know what he answer is to this one.

thought some of you might enjoy this article!

lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,2267228,00.html

Pworrier - I've only got 2 kids and am not up the stick!

LOL - Sorry I thought maternity leave meant another imminent - you're spoiled these days! It was six months max when I had DS1. All still applies though.

You are a hero!
I work, and DH is a SAHD. I sometimes come home and want to flop on the sofa and do nothing, but it's just not possible with two DCs. When I have a day off I spend it hoovering, cleaning, (MNing), stuff he never gets round to. But he does a great job. We have both been on the other side so we know what it's like. Give him a day with the children, see how he gets on!

Dont flame me but I think SAHM is far easier than working. You are your own boss, you can go out when you like, come in when you like. See friends in the afternoon. I had years and years in work and hated it. I even homeschool so most of my day is taken up with schooling. I would rather boil my head than deal with idiots in a office situation.

Beeper - were you a stay at home mum when your children were very small? I agree, once they are school age, it's not that hard. I don't home school, but I also don't dread school hols.

Having 2 toddlers at home is absolutely draining IME, but like childbirth, I think we forget once it's over.

I homeschool, we dont do school, but I have one ds and am 36wks pg

Are you seriously saying that your dh's notice when the house is messy?

Mine never would.

But, to be fair it's never that bad.

I work part time at the minute & dh works full time, but we've always shared the house work.

I don't think being a SAHM is easier than working. But then I guess it depends on what job you do outside of the home & how much mental stimulation you need.

I hated being at home all day every day, however my sister hates leaving her house for any amount of time & her 2 children are school age.

So I guess it's different strokes for different folks!

Does it sound like a lot for a day?

Frankly no. Not at all. I mean I suppose you resisted the tv until phil and fern and you could have succumbed to Jeremy Kyle but it still sounds pretty feeble. My sympathies are with your DH. Sorry and all that.

Before my course started at work at 10am I had:
Got toddlers up breakfasted and dressed
Got older 3 off to school
Showered dressed and make up - VERY important
Tidied lounge
Polished downstairs
Hoovered
cleaned bathroom
Cleaned kitchen
Empted tumble drier and put load in
Put another wash on
Dropped boys to nursery
Phoned DD1 School about a problem, spoke to teacher, got it sorted - i hope!
Paid bills
Drove to work

So I think YABU - sorry! I agree with QC, the list looked pretty easy to me

I would actually much prefer your husband's approach to my husband's.
He doesn't say anything. He zips his lips together and starts clearing (badly) in a barely controlled angry manner. Makes me feel ..oohh.. as big as my thumbnail and after a day at home with the boys I always find it really inconsiderate and upsetting. He'll only talk to me properly after the boys are in bed (assuming it's relatively clear by then).
When he looks after the boys he does get these things done, but it's at the boys' expense. He hardly plays with them and long-term I think that's a terrible way to bring up your children. (Hence the mess I allow to build up.)

There was something about the shopping that smacked of an Expedition to Buy a Stamp ...

Why not just shop once a week?

mine still gets a cob on about the stae of the house. I'm coming to realise that he just doesn't realise how long 'other' things take me. I hoover most days, and I do a proper job. He does a quick 'tickle round' (God I hate him saying that but it sums it up perfectly). the washing machine beeps to say its finished, he turns it off, doesn't even cross him mind to empty it. Then I can't remember the last time he actually put any washing away!!

Oh and he openly admits to not ever cleaning the bathroom in all the time we@ve been together, him cooking is a very rare occaision, in fact when he knew how to put the mince in for the spag bol earlier I was shocked, forgotten he knew how to cook that! Nor has he yet mastered sterilising or making up bottles for baby ready for my return to work....

And yet he will still come home and moan I have not tidied up...

Do you work Flossish? If not then isn't it your job to tidy?

Oh I need to get off this thread I think. Am entirely out of tune with it.

Quattrocento's going for the popularity vote there