to be fed up with DH spouting 'I've been at work all day'

[Boobalina]

and basically saying I do fuck all all day at home... apart from be on my maternity leave looking after 6 month old who has never slept through yet and a 3 year old.

It feels like every night he comes home from work and moans that I havent done a paticular task round the house - last night it was WW3 becuase I hadnt taken 3 yr olds PJ's back up stairs after getting him dressed in the morning... he said 'What do you actually do all day?'

When I challenge him on it I get smart arse responses like, 'well I've been at work all day earning money for our family'

I could cheerfully bump him off at the moment.

YANBU they are selfish arseholes! Im gonna have 'ive been at work all day' engraved on dp headstone!I work 2 days a week and its sooo much easier than being at home. Men are a joke sometimes. I agree with other mnetter arrange it so he has to look after them for a day. Make something up if you have to. I went on a hen night last weekend and as soon as I walked throught the door dp went to the pub, he couldnt wait to get out. Point proved!!!

Well it was totally feeble tbh. Sorry you are cross, but you did ask ...

You asked for my day - I'll give you my yesterday if you like:

3:00 DS gets into bed. I decide to leave him
6.00 Shower and dressed
6.30 Scoot round tidying, wake DCs and breakfast
7.30 Listen to piano practice
7.45 Leave for work, arriving around 9.30
Massively busy work day finishing around 8.30 pm (sneaked a bit of mumsnetting in around conference calls and sandwiches)
9.30 pm home, kiss dcs and late supper
11.00 pm bed

The key to it all is organisation though isn't it? I mean if you just do one weekly shop then that saves time - your itinerary sounds as though you were doing top up shopping because you bought 3/4 items (hence the remark about Expeditions to Buy A Stamp).

Quattro - you're in a deep enough hole now - I'd quit digging if I were you.

Boobalina is on mat leave. Frankly if she did nothing but stare at her baby and smile and play with her older child, I think that would be a good use of her time.

Quattrocento, quite frankly your day sounds ridiculous, are you actually jealous of people who don't have quite such a crazy life?

No, not jealous. You can have my day today if you like. The day is almost exactly the same minus the piano practice but sorting out a particularly pesky verruca. Still at work now actually - lengthy conference call - mind wandering a bit now - timesheet submitted - time to go, I think. This week's an easy week because it's all in the UK.

Thing is, I didn't want to sound unkind, but really you can pack so much into a day - there is lots of space to do lots of things.

Of course the OP can sit and do nothing all day long if she wants to. That's fair enough. My reason for posting is that the OP's DH was making what sounded like pretty well-founded complaints. And the OP was not saying "it is my right to do nothing on mat leave" which would be fair enough, but "look how much I have done" which in fairness didn't look like much.

I will partly agree with Quattro I think, but I think people just have a different pace of life sometimes. I think some people probably pack as much into a few hours as others do in a whole day without getting stressed about it.

I am constantly amazed by how LITTLE I can get done during the day, and that's with only one child! Top tip - I sometimes leave lists lying around the house with housework tasks crossed off, just so that dh can see that I've done stuff (he wouldn't notice otherwise!).

I think what the OP did in her day was LOADS when you remember that she had a toddler and a baby with her all day! May you'd get a bit less done if you had these inconvenient little beings in the office with you quattro

I think you might find that mothers who spend time in an office without their children also do chores at home with their children just don't have the whole day to do it

I'm at work all day Fairy and yes I fit chores in to the evenings BUT then again that is when ds is asleep and I'm not trying to be with a young child AND clean

and I have to admit that I actually NEVER get to the Brasso stage

thought OP said she dropped little off at nursery? and the list showed the naps of LO didnt it? or have i that wrong

good god, where is the sisterhood? Where is VALUING being at home to be with your children and not point-scoring over whether someone dares to sit down while their baby naps?

working is tiring, people do lots of stuff
being at home is tiring, people do lots of stuff

i think I totally see where the OP was coming from

Well said, Honoria. I nearly used the 'sisterhood' word myself earlier.

HG- boobalina has asked opinions

They have been given her

Why bring "the sisterhood" into it? I wont just agree with someone against their their dh just because we are both women. If i thought her dh was wrong i would say, but in this instance I feel he has a point.

sisterhood - because if we as mums don't value what's done by being at home with children, there's no hope for the rest of society to

You're entitled to your opinion, of course, mine is that these replies are just a further illustration of the original OP's problem in that her husband is not valuing what she is doing at home

I don't think any SAHM should have to make a list of what they do with their day to validate it - they are bringing up their children

I agree with you HG - us mums are doing a great job at home with our children

I just think it's a shame when a dh has an opinion and it is slammed as rubbish, when sometimes he has a point

A DH who says to a SAHM of a 3 year old and a 6month old 'what do you do all day?' does NOT deserve respect or validation. He's undermining her at a time when she probably does not feel hugely confident anyway.

And I'm someone who can be very pro-DHs. I even have a thread about being nice to them !

"A DH who says to a SAHM of a 3 year old and a 6 month old 'what do you do all day?' does NOT deserve respect or validation"

Well said, Janni

exactly

I'm off to bed now HG, but feel we've been a bit of a double act on the boards for the last hour or so!!

Night night

Quattrocento, maybe you lack the empathy to remember how it felt when your DC were 3 and BF'ing babies? As by the sounds of it if your DC are somewhat older if they are playing the piano and going to bed at 9.30?

Lets quit the 'I am busier than thou' schtick eh as I think you are missing the point due to the aforementioned empathy issue.

P.S Those 'lengthy ocnference' calls are very tiring arent they - all that sitting about, writing the odd thing down, dossing on MN and talking