to be fed up with DH spouting 'I've been at work all day'

[Boobalina]

and basically saying I do fuck all all day at home... apart from be on my maternity leave looking after 6 month old who has never slept through yet and a 3 year old.

It feels like every night he comes home from work and moans that I havent done a paticular task round the house - last night it was WW3 becuase I hadnt taken 3 yr olds PJ's back up stairs after getting him dressed in the morning... he said 'What do you actually do all day?'

When I challenge him on it I get smart arse responses like, 'well I've been at work all day earning money for our family'

I could cheerfully bump him off at the moment.

LOL this post is funny!
Why is Quattro slagging u off when she doesnt do owt herself except work, yeh it might be a hard job but how can she really comment on something she doesnt know anything about!

We all get more things done than others! my friends baby will sit there playing for hours whilst mine wants someone to play with which i'm more than happy to give! Even my dh says he gets a break at work and he doesnt care if the house is tidy or not but i think thats he lived on his own for years and hasnt had his mum doing everything for him! p.s i've never ever used brasso!
have a good day boobalina xxxxxxx

Well DH has taken the kids out for the morning and now I am going to use my 'me' time.... cleaning the house and making weaning food.

Joy!

Message withdrawn

Meg - he does if he is being a bell.

He works in a highly money orientated industry which I think clouds his view of the 'worth' of something.

He has taken the kids off for the morning though which is nice - back to the cleaning!

He's taken the kids out and left you to do the f*cking cleaning -

speechless

he gets to do the nice things with his dc whilst you clear up all the shit

mumbling off unbelievable

To be fair - its my choice to do it.... as I seem to be frying my head trying to get it all done when kids are around and feeling like a total fucking failure when I cant.

Anyway - have cleaned upstairs - now for downstairs...

I am sorry - just that I feel you really are being taken for a ride. You could have both done the house work - you upstairs and him daown and then gone for a long lunch and to the park as a family together.

He seems to be behaving in a very selfish way and not thinking about anyone else - is he having problems in his life? Problems at work or something?

Boob - I often let dp take kids out so i can get on with the housework. It works for us as it seems to for you. Each to their own x

I'm with shatteredmums on this one - I love it when DH takes'em all out so I can hve some quiet and a chance to sort things out at home.

me too - no one does as good as me

"good god, where is the sisterhood?"

Nothing to do with sisterhood - all to do with honesty. It's delusional thinking that a day consisting of a bit of breastfeeding, dropping the toddler at hursery, recreational shopping, phil and fern and mumsnetting (albeit with some brassoing in between times) is productive.

Do I lack empathy? Well I sense that you want me to say what a terribly productive day, but you asked for a reality check and I'm with your dh.

Yes my children are older, like you when on maternity leave with number two I carried on with the childcare for number one and had a lovely idle maternity leave - that's what it's for ...

I could be wrong, but I think there might also be included in that day, a teensy tinsy bit of

prioritising your children so that you are at home to be with them and bring them up and give them the irreplaceable experience of having the security of mum in their formative years

just thought I'd mention it, it's nothing, of course, easy peasy and takes no time or input

I am SO going away now, I've just had enough. There really is no hope for society to value what SAHP's do - when being at home to do this vital, irreplaceable, hard-to-quantify, magical work is seen as 'lovely and idle' Some kids get more than that from their SAHP

Quattrocento - you said "Oh I need to get off this thread I think. Am entirely out of tune with it"

You should have taken your own advice.... trot along now and keep your comments to the weather if you can't say anything nice.

I think the point that people like Quattro try to make is that your day is unproductive because you are not earning money.
But hey-ho, luckily there are those of us who value being with our children more than cold hard cash.Or maybe she is trying to be controversial (yawn)

Boobalina, you posted on the "Am I being unreasonable?".....LOL

mrsruffallo, I don't think that's the point Quattro is making at all actually. I cannot see that she has written than in any of her posts. She posted on the AIBU-thread and some posters could see things from her DH's side too.

The fact the OP posted on an AIBU is no defence for crass rematks is it?
Most sahm's I know do not have a life that even vaguely resembles what Quattro considers an average sahm's day.
What point do you think she was trying to make in that post then?

"But hey-ho, luckily there are those of us who value being with our children more than cold hard cash."

mrs ruffalo, pleease...i think you are managing quite well yourself making crass remarks.

I don't see what's so difficult being a sahm and managing to get the housework done. Its all about being a bit organised and creative in your day, isn't it?

Really interesting thread - I sort of agree with everyone - I'm a sahm with 3yrold twins(just started 2 mornings of preschool) and a 6yrold. Tbh now it is easy, lovely, rewarding/boring in equal parts - I think it's what you make it, but housework is dull.I think the baby stage is very hard -2 limpets at oncein my case, but you get your head down and get on with it -no one has any sleep at that point -my dh got woken uop too (light sleeper)even though he didn't breastfeed of course

My dh has a harder time at work , but he does equal share when he gets in - just more child centered because he sees less ofthem. If he ever complained that the house was a mess/asked what I'd done all day I'd be apalled - sheer bad manners and lack of respect.He should assume that I got waylaid by something important.

I think the posters who have been accused of lacking sisterhood/empathy are in that adrenaline charged stressed state when you do loads very quickly - you manage it so why can't others - but they don't have to and that doesn't mean they're not allowed to feel crap about a moaning husband and no sleep. I think their posts smack of jealousy - they don't want the op's life, but they do want her time iyswim.I assume the other posters think the op should get more organized and take the pyjamas upstairs - firstly why should she as it's not very important in the great scheme of things and secondly perhaps if her self esteem wasn't being undermined through lack of respect she might - it is not important though!

It is also about having a partner who is considerate enough that he understands housework can be monotonous, or you have been out having fun all day and didn't have time.
It's about love, support and understanding after all, not a power struggle over who has done what.
Anyway, enough about Quattro, she is not here to defend herslf, what do you think?

Agree luckylady, they are two completely different ways of life.

Can see both sides of the argument and as has been pointed out it is in AIBU so some people are bound to disagree with you - that's life. Quattros list seems perfectly normal for a working mums morning, don't understand why that has been doubted. Lots of working mums probably have to get all that done a lot earlier than 10.00a.m. My dh sometimes makes the 'Well I'll stay at home with the kids then,' comment.Isn't everyone a bit tetchy when they've just come in from work? It's the adjusting to the different environment of kids, noise and mess after being in structured work all day and mentally you feel that you have 'finished' work that makes it hard I think.

cornsilk- really? That is what you do with your day???

Er, no, that's not what I've written.