Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

"Until"? Forever? You really think that's a strategy a school can use?

If adults actually refused their child a smart phone in the first place, we wouldn' thave this problem. Every parent who's saying they're doing their part - well you're not really because you've just bought them a smart phone so they can fit in. IF EVERYONE stopped buying their CHILDREN a smart phone then no, they couldn't all be communicating via whatsapp could they!

It's actually responsible parents who are now taking the flack. Their child being bullied because they can't join in the chat on whatsapp.

I really think ADULTS should come together to get smart phones banned full stop. It's adults who are buying/providing them in the first place.

I actually WANT my child to have a smart phone.

She has a 90 minute commute each way to school and multiple after-school classes.

Train tickets - on the phone
Train timetables - on an app
Bus timetables - on an app
Tracker - on an app
Homework - on an app... plus Memrise, Sparks, Teams, YouTube science videos etc.
Bank card and payments - on an app

Vast numbers of music apps that she needs for classes, plus voice notes. Plus doing a BTEC in Creative Media that requires a smartphone to do the course.

Also SEN so needs all the calendar apps and reminders.

Parents need to step up and you know, parent their kids.

This is 2024, social media and smart phones aren't going anywhere.

Having the phone isn’t the problem- not a school issue but parents not knowing what their DC’s are doing or talking to them about issues is the problem.

Maybe?
Just found this - if you have access to child’s Apple ID and password, or have enabled Family Sharing, you can find out if they have any hidden apps. Simply open the App store, and go to the profile icon. Now tap on the Apple ID and enter the relevant details. After this just check into Hidden Purchases, to find out if there are any hidden apps. However, this strategy is only applicable for iOS devices.

Please report. Ask to remain anonymous. This is awful.

The answer to your question was in the in the first sentence of the opening post.

You didn't post to receive an answer, you posted to grandstand and blame OP for the racist abuse her son received.

Well fuck me. She's going to be absoultely screwed when we get hit by a solar flare. You are doing your child absolutely no favours at all.

ALL of those things can be arranged without a smart phone. No one needs a smart phone to buy a train ticket or see what the timetable is. She absolutely does not need bank cards and payments on a phone. Homework can be done at home (clue is in the name) on a computer (who the hell can see that small a screen anyway to do homework on on a phone)

Honestly I fear for the future. I'm reminded of the tale of a lady I knew whose child was on the bus and the bus broke down. Bus driver kicked all the kids off and told them to make their own way back (that's a whole other story about whether that should have happened obviously). I was honestly astounded when she told me furiously that her child had spent the next hour or so crying on a pavement because his phone had run out of battery and he didn't know anyone's number to use someone else's phone.

He should have known his own home number off by heart which would have meant he could have walked to the nearest shop and ask the owner if he could call his mum or whoever. Crap parenting. When she calmed down she accepted this and realised that his entire way of coping was on a phone.

I have to say, it's a fact that the majority of parents now of children are actaully of an age where they themselves had a phone as a child.

I didn't have a phone til I was 26. My kids know damn well that they are never ever to rely on a phone. They need common sense and the ability to function without one. End of. It's actually laughable saying you can't function without a smart phone!!!!

@mrsdineen2 you didn't see my 2nd post so get off your high horse and take your accusations elsewhere. Goodbye.

Glad your children don't have SEN to the extent my child does.

Modern technology allows her a half decent chance of an independent future.

She has an iPad for all lessons as well - so does all her homework on the train on that... but uses the smart phone for the apps and to use as a hotspot for internet signal.

And actually you do need a phone for things like trainline when you have to work out which station to even go to if lines are down.

Well if detention doesn't work. Exclude them.

It's a difficult one if your sons not directly being bullied by these kids now after that first nasty incident, but if it was my daughter - or my son I would feel like I needed to... With the risk of being called a grass or a Karen, I have recently had to delete my daughter's school group bcuz the girls were soo soo mean an sending voice notes that were nasty about my daughter btwn themselves an then sending them in bulk to my daughter. Kids have always been mean but the fact they all have phones now has made it so much worse

@brightyellowflower do you have teens and when are you going to allow them one?
Online homework aps are very very common across all types of high school and also designed so that kids with no access to computers at home can use them. Stuff like dulingo memorise etc
Online learning aps are self marking & targeted plus have progress trackers.
Very time efficient

@brightyellowflower I do make sure my DC know how to cope if they lose their phone or it runs out of battery. But it makes sense to use the phone if they can for things like train time updates, maps, calendar, reminders, learning apps (like Duolingo)as its just much quicker and more efficient. Yes, of course they can find a printed timetable at the station if necessary, but it’s a lot more efficient to check on their phone one stop before they’re due to change trains, and make a decision about routes based on up-to-the-minute information. And why not do some app-based revision on the train, as well as homework at home?

Please don’t use the name Karen this way. How would you feel if YOUR name was constantly used all over the internet to describe a difficult, complaining woman?
To answer your question: yes of course you should stand up for what’s right, and report it. (Use your own name when you do it - not Karen’s!)

How do you know they dont? Bit of a sweeping assumption there.

My child's school does not allow smart phones at all. Learning is online yes, but on google classroom.

Bit of a strange reason for schoos to put things on apps so children without computers can access them? You have to buy a phone first, more ££ than a computer, unless you're paying £20 a month on a contract, which low income familes wouldnt be able to do. Makes absolutely no sense for that to be a reason. Schools should provide tablets for children if they need them to do their work online. Not expect every child to have an iphone.

I don't understand why adults are not more protective of children about this issue.

I find that so genuinely horrific honestly. What moron in charge of education gave that the greenlight as the new norm?!! That's pure insanity.
Absolutely gobsmacked.

I don't know any school that doesn't use an app for homework nowadays.

Many of the tasks are online quizzes (maths, languages, music) and most of the homework is uploaded direct to the teacher when complete.

The app sends a notification to both parent and child - and reminders at set intervals if they haven't completed it. So child doesn't have to remember, parent knows what they have to complete at weekend or during the week, and the resources and links to videos etc are included in the notification.

Nothing gets lost, the dog can't eat it and often things like the maths quizzes have explainer videos in built if you get stuck.

It's brilliant.

You're clearly not familiar with the very common parental attitude to detentions, which is often demonstrated on here.

However, schools are able only to 'punish' behaviour which occurs during, or just before/after the school day. They are not able to police children's behaviour out of school, and certainly not able to police their use of the internet out of school.

You'll need the police if you want that dealt with.

I don't know any school that doesn't use an app for homework nowadays.

I know plenty who only used during covid and haven’t used since.

A local secondary) school decided to use iPads instead of books. It is turning parents off sending their kids there.

Membership of a bigoted WhatsApp group would continue during school time. It would therefore fall under the school's jurisdiction
I know it is all a bit like proscribed organisations, but perhaps we need to be less tolerant of bigoted WhatsApp groups.

It's unreasonable. If they are not racist on a phone they will find other ways. Surely there's something to learn here and ways to correct behaviours. My children use their phones to contact us if the bus is delayed or if they are out in town with friends and the train is cancelled etc. They are useful, children and parents have to be responsible.
If a child is displaying race hate it usually comes from home.

Not sure about legally but safe guarding is everyone’s responsibility and, in this case, it also includes the school.

@M2BANTRIM don’t use the term “Karen”, it’s misogynistic and very unfair on those that are actually called Karen (not me!)

I find your answer really truly shocking.

Sorry, I meant Upsideleft's post. So bullying, threats, and worse- should not be reported in case of more bullying. It is a big group, and it is very possible to speak to the Head of the school and ask to use every possible strategy to avoid highlighting who has complained.