Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

If he wants to use Whatsapp to contact family in Africa, then create a family whatspp group that you are a member of too?

He doesn't need it to use SeeSaw.

Have you deleted the groups? I think you have already said you have adjusted his phone settings so he can't be logged on without approval again? Does he know not to accept group requests?

To be honest I think 11 is too young to have phones for precisely this reason but of course I realise that everyone else thinks I'm a dinosaur for thinking that. If they must have one (and imo they don't need anymore than a basic call and text phone), then its the parent's responsibility to sit with their child to make an agreement that their phone will be monitored every evening to check both its google history and what is being said in groups.

Y5/Y6/Y7 WhatsApp groups are bloody feral. Involve your DS's school but be very clear you want him to be kept out of this. The head will likely have contact with the heads of the other school(s) involved.

Ultimately they can do some awareness in school and advise the parents but there isn't much else they can do, all be it they can deal with any fall out or spill over into school time/school itself.

Sadly too many parents believe in their kids absolute right to have a mobile and access to social media/messaging apps, just wait for the "it's only messing" or outright denial. So in my experience it won't go away. And these groups are like whack a mole, stop one and another pops up!

So assuming they won't disappear you need to help your DS put his own boundaries in place, which it sounds like you were doing already. When he goes back on to an app, add only people he is good friends with, join small groups of friends, and knowing it's ok to walk away from groups or people who are unpleasant. It does calm down in most cases but it's a vile period.

Yes I deleted both groups I always monitor his phone which is how I found the group chat with over 900 messages and he had not opened the chats yet so it was me who opened and saw everything. The first group chat happened like a month ago it happened within minutes he said oh I have been added to a WhatsApp group by my friend X and in less than 5 minutes the racist photo was sent .

I would also tell them about a child telling another child to ‘delete herself’ (I assuming you worried this meant to take her own life?). This is cyber bullying and has devastating consequences as we sadly saw in a case a few years back. Good job OP for changing your sons privacy settings, surely the school can send learning resources another way? Certainly not on an app that is considered SM.

It goes without saying the racist photo is awful but don't make it the primary issue. My advice would be to look at the issues surrounding having access to a phone and the inevitable bullying that WILL happen on these groups. I know of children who have endured extreme bullying due to groups that they should have been automatically blocked from and sadly extreme bullying from people they know in their school year too.

Alert school. It's very common,
It passes generally. Kids too young to think about consequences. Set rule that only allowed on groups with immediate mates. Exit anything else and block random people

Absolutely inform school
Last Yr my ds was in yr6 they were vile and drama filled, so much online bullying, awful language school had their pcso in in the end to talk to the kids.
My own ds was thrown off groups and I had parents sending me screenshots of awful things being said about them - assemblies were had and letters sent home it bloody wild

Yr6 is dreadful for WAp group dramas and the novelty of phones. But it's an age where they are also ready to move on from each other. In some ways better to learn the pitfalls early and be phone smart by high school

By that logic, why not give phones to eight and nine year olds?

You have my sympathies, OP, and I would definitely report what you've seen.

Whatsapp groups are a cause of huge stress for so many kids and parents. My dd (11) has my WhatsApp account mirrored on her iPad so that she can message friends out of school but I can also easily monitor what's being said by herself and her friends. Last Friday night I went to bed at around 23:30. My phone and her iPad were downstairs. My dh came up at around midnight just as I was dropping off to sleep to tell me that my phone and DD's iPad were both going crazy with messages. I looked at my phone and a kid in DD's year had created a WhatsApp group just after I'd gone to bed, added around 50? 100? kids and a bunch of them were messaging each other incessantly. The language being used was utterly vile and a number of them were being horrible about a boy in their year at school.

My dd isn't allowed to join big groups so would have left it immediately had she been awake when it was created, however I have now changed the settings on WhatsApp so that permission has to be given before she can be added to any group.

I've also emailed the school about the group and the boy who is being targeted so that the school are aware.

My dd (11) has my WhatsApp account mirrored on her iPad so that she can message friends out of school but I can also easily monitor what's being said by herself and her friends

How do you do this? It sounds like a great idea.

How about parents taking responsibility? A PP described a group being formed and hundreds of children added and being abusive after the PO had gone to bed. I really don’t see why the school ( and they are probably from different schools) should spend hours, days even, dealing with this. Keep your kids off these apps.

PP had gone to bed *

Wow that's vile! Yes of course report.

And please stop using thr misogynistic term 'Karen' - it's a tool for silencing women.

I'm so sorry your son has experienced this. That's awful.
My dc just only have trusted friends on their WhatsApp. They are older now but it worked for them. I'd suggest your dc removes himself from the group and only lets close, trusted friends add him.

I’m a primary school teacher. We take this really seriously. It’s unfortunately common, but some years are much worse than others. Definitely tell school. One year, we had the police come in to talk the year six about their social media activities and potential criminality.

100% I would tell the school. I’d not have left the group so I could show them every post but hopefully they can get other students to give them their phones so they know every single student putting this stuff out there.

Disgusting I would definitely report

This is a safeguarding issue and you need to report.

Read the OP. She never said homework was sent via WA.

Um, am I the only dodo parent here who doesn't realise 11yos have their own phones and are on whatsapp?

No do not report it

The children will find out it's from you

He will be bullied

You don't want that

You've removed him

You have to leave it at that if you want him to survive at that school

I mean

You've removed him from the WhatsApp groups

So you've done your part on behalf of your son

Just leave it at that

OP do not get involved it will end in disaster for your son

Yes I realised that and referred to it in a further post.
Did you have anything more interesting to add to the conversation other than correcting other posters? Any advice to the OP?