Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

@Chatonette the school have said they are going to include something in the school newsletter, so they might do exactly what you have received.

The school is right they don't have control over children's own devices, so they can't police what Apps they have on them, that is down to parents. But I am sure they will talk to children about online safety and racist/sexual bullying

Also remember schools shouldn't be telling you what sanctions they have given other pupils, so they may be dealing with certain pupils if you gave them names

🤦🏼‍♀️ seriously?! You are drawing that equivalence? 😭

I'm struggling a bit with the picture with your son's name on it? If someone sent my son a picture of a white boy with his name attached, my mind wouldn't jump straight to racism.

We’re not comparing apples to apples here. As white people, we haven’t been historically mistreated on the basis of race. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for people of African or Caribbean descent (and, quite frankly, not ‘historically’—within my lifetime). I’ve personally witnessed a lot more racism than I’d ever want to see, particularly this day in age, so in my opinion, OP makes a valid point.

I would go ahead and pass on the info to police and SS too . Some if what you describe is serious .

Either you're very stupid, i.e don't have a working brain at all or you're a flat out racist for making that comparison 🙄

Totally agree.

There are a few disingenuous posters on this thread who cant possibly work out why sending a picture of a black boy with bulging eyes to one of the TWO black boys on a chat could be racist 🙄

@M2BANTRIM I am appalled by the response you got from the headteacher. No doubt they are swamped with other things and understaffed and all that, but when I reported similar messages (along with homophobic insults and memes) I found on a group chat my daughter was on, the school did a special assembly and spoke separately to the kids who were saying / sharing this stuff and it was very effective.

If you can find it in yourself to demand a meeting with the Safeguarding Lead, I would. This isn't good enough.

I knew things could get bad on WhatsApp but it was a real shock having to deal with this within 2 weeks of my daughter starting secondary school.

@glowfrog
You overestimate the power of a headteacher. They are not their to police parents and parenting decisions. Their decision of how to respond is not because they're overwhelmed, it is a considered response within their remit. And consider that some parents won't want the staff being considerably distracted managing kids WhatsApp groups on phones, but rather they do their jobs.
Unfortunately this comes down to irresponsible parenting. On slot of parents parts. But it's not a headteachers job to parent or police them. Parents need to keep their children safe online, especially if giving them illegal age-inappropriate access.

@abeeabeeisafterme I'm not absolving parents of responsibility when it comes to managing kids behaviour online, nor have I suggested it's up to the school to manage it. The point of Safeguarding is, however, to consider what may be going on between kids in and outside of school to a large extent, or simply what may be going on in a child's life outside of school that could harm their welfare. It's shocking how many parents still seem to have no idea about what can happen on these groups or anywhere online and it doesn't take that much work for the school to remind people.

My daughter's school's response was swift and wasn't particularly complex or time-consuming: they sent out an email to all parents, held a special assembly and they didn't punish individual children as such but took the time to have 1:1 conversation to remind them of the seriousness of what they were doing and that it could get them in trouble with the school. When I spoke to the Safeguarding Lead, she was glad to see that a parent was monitoring things and we both agreed that at that age, a lot of it was immature showing off.

The OP's school is just washing its hands off the whole thing, to the point where I wonder what is the point of its Safeguarding Lead. I can only assume that things must be really bad / understaffed at that school if they can't approach the situation in the same way as my daughter's school.

Screenshot all the vile messages and send them into the school.

I teach in a secondary school and evidence like this means we can tackle the issue!

You don’t think that having 1:1 conversations with possibly50 or more children would be time consuming? All
such meetings have to be fully documented and records kept.
I can’t imagine there is a school
in the land that hasn’t already had assemblies/workshops/pshe discussions on this topic, but still groups ate formed and children are bullied on them. School cannot solve this problem.

@Pottedpalm they didn't speak to every child in the year - only to the ones seen to participate in / share questionable materials etc - which was maybe a handful.

M2BANTRIM I’ve only just seen your update and just wanted to say I for one am glad you did try. Hopefully some parents will now become aware and maybe more than can be hoped might take action to stop their child being party to this.

This is horrific, tell the police not just the school!

I would not hesitate to report this. Hope it goes well. I'm sure the school will take it seriously as not only can it lead to a child getting in trouble for their words/actions and any threats etc., but also can easily make a child vulnerable/a target etc. Good luck.

@M2BANTRIM just read your update. I'm shocked. That Principal/Head is really not doing what should be done.

I'd escalate it if it were me and get others involved who will have to take it seriously and put a proper plan in place. Has the Head even seen the messages?

Similar happened with my son too - it's not the school's responsibility to sort this out I am afraid.

school have enough to deal with and it's outside of school - imagine if they had to get involved with every social media incident!

Do you think they haven't thought of that, over a month ago?

Of course report and don't let an 11 year old use social media