Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

I'm pretty sure it's a 'k*ll yourself' kind of msg. Unfortunately.

(I haven't read the last several pages yet but I wanted to respond!)

No, it would not. You might want it to, but it doesn't.

Schools are not the universal police. There are rules governing what they can and can't do (and never-ending detentions are one of the things they can't do).

Permanent exclusion for membership of a Whatsapp group would be another.

Maybe I just really am out of touch and behind the times, but surely you can do online homework without an app requiring a smart phone??

11 sounds insanely young to me to be having their very own smart phone even if it is for homework, and to be honest the reliance on notifications to be able to remember things seems not the most ideal imho.

Is that not essentially teaching kids not to develop memory skills and to rely on a phone notification to be able to get by?

((Before anyone jumps on me and raises their hackles, I am asking from a genuine place of trying to wrap my head around this because this is so baffling to me!
I'm not trying to be snide, or criticise, or judge anyone, this is just genuinely shocking to me - I'm 28 this year and just pregnant with my first currently, and my memories of homework being online were a short splash in the pan of MyMaths in middle school and then a complete double back to regular homework when I went into high school so this is completely alien to me!
Online homework I can understand to an extent, but an entire app with notifications etc just seems bonkers!
But again, I'm fully prepared to accept I'm just VERY out of touch!))

So from my point of view it's incredibly helpful. I have a child (15 and in Y10) with ADHD and severe dyslexia. Copying things down from the board is not going to happen, her executive function is poor and no amount of detentions or encouragement is really going to fix that.

I can understand some parents whose children are not challenged in the same way may not regard smart phones as essential tools, but for us it has removed a huge amount of stress and worry.

Having the homework app means everything is there for her to use without having to remember. Because there's a parent version, you don't have to constantly badger your child, or worry that they have forgotten stuff or email teachers to check what they should have been doing.

It also means that you can be pleasantly surprised when you get the notification to say homework has been completed without having to cajole or nag. And with the online homework tasks it's often marked immediately and feedback provided on errors. The videos in maths also mean I don't have to spend an hour on YouTube trying to remember stuff I haven't done in 30 years!

In terms of when you give a child a smart phone - basically secondary school is when it becomes essential, but slow introduction and lots of monitoring at the end of Primary does make it less forbidden fruit and means that you are monitoring a child and not a stroppy teenager. We started with an iPod in Y5, then an old iphone which only worked on WiFi in Y6.

Maybe if you live somewhere where they're not travelling much it's also less essential, but for kids in central London travel apps and trackers are useful and help with parental angst when your tiny 11 year old is negotiating tube and train changes on their own in the dark.

Thank you @Isitautumnyet23 it really is worrying. No one in his class in y6 has a phone yet and this was even discussed during parental WhatsApp. We really must be in a sheltered bubble... I'll brace myself for next year at secondary.

Tysm for your insightful reply @OhCrumbsWhereNow I found it very helpful!
I'm very much rural so perhaps that why it's seemed so alien to me, but with your added context it makes a lot more sense and I can completely understand why it can be necessary - I suppose it all just really depends on each individual child's needs and requirements. Case by case basis type of thing perhaps.
Especially so with London too, I can see why travel apps are necessary, I could barely cope with Brighton in my teens to be honest!

No, it really doesn't. School can record, punish and get the police in to talk to them, but ultimately, children of 11 should not be on whatsapp. The age limit is 16 for a very good reason.

That's not true in todays day and age. People are radicalised online every day in all sorts of ways. It doesn't necessarily reflect anything about the parents or home environment.

All it takes is a bored or hormonal teen to start exploring the Internet and they're in a rabbit hole.

Well you have contradicted yourself really.,The bullying talked about here is taking place out of school. X

Except its the way they all communicate at Secondary from Year 7. Every single one of my child’s friends have it (all a lovely bunch of kids, all parents I know in his group have access to the phone too). We’ve got a strict rule of no big groups with random kids, only close friend groups.

If my child didn’t have Whats app or any other group messaging app, it would be pretty difficult texting each individual friend to keep up with whats being arranged etc and just general chat between them. This is how they communicate in 2024 and as long as its monitored, its no problem at all.

I read the Op’s update on the child being in a large group of 10-13 year olds and thats the obvious huge mistake.

As a secondary school teacher, there is a lot that I would be worried about in those messages, and I would definitely tell the school, as a parent you would want to know what is happening in this group if your child was in it

Definitely report it, it will potentially build/add to a safeguarding picture in some cases

My experience when I have met the parents I can see the apple doesn't fall far from the truth.
I said if they aren't bullying via whatsapp groups they will always find another way, which is true!

No. Investigating is is not teaching. Schools already teach internet safety, children still fall into the traps because they often don’t think it will
happen to them.

What's the argument here eise, that it shouldn't be reported or tried to be prevented cos it can happen when kids are school or elsewhere not on WhatsApp too?

Delete as in kill herself is what I meant . I didn’t want to use the exact word in case it gets flagged or banned or this platform

This is not true.
School will probably act as they want to help but incidents outside of school are police matters.

@Isthisit22 I am so saddened to hear that this might be the case where you are. I'm a teacher and all the schools I've worked in would take this behaviour very seriously. They would in no way haul children into the headteacher's office for this, but would use it to educate. Would take note of more serious safeguarding issues (mainly concerning 11 year olds talking about oral sex). Would warn parents etc. etc.

Phones in Yr6 was normal in my area when DD was in Yr1. I went gk a talk on it. She's now 14 and Yr9
We are jusy outside a major city

This is incorrect. Molly Russell was not bullied.

Cause OP has a directory if all the parents and can reach out and connect. Isnt it a binary question? Do something or not? Ir would you like OP to go straight to https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/online-abuse/# ?

Yes. You need to report it. The school clearly needs to sort out their students and some of the stuff sounds like safeguarding and the police need to be involved.

Something that you can do is to download the entire WhatsApp message from start to end along with all shared media files and send it to your email.

I did this in another context (over issues with a builder), but it gave me peace of mind that I had the entire conversation documented if.i needed to take him to court.

Deleting everything destroys what could be evidence.

It's just something to consider.

Absolutely report it to the school and if you’re not satisfied with the outcome go to social services directly!!
firstly they are responsible for the safeguarding of all students in and outside school and they obviously aren’t aware of this social media platform they need to nip it in the bud before it escalates!
These kids parents need to know what their kids have been uploading and saving online true or false? And they need to get something done about their behaviour before it escalates!!!
Thirdly these reckless girls bragging to be able to perform oral sex so young? You need to question after these grooming scandals are there more? or are they just bragging! Cause heaven forbid you pick wrong it’s on your conscience if it comes out later they where and you could have/ should have/ would have stopped it for years to come!
last but not least speaking as a child who was groomed abused and threatened with alsorts. If there is a word of truth to what theses young girls have said, they are going to need medical attention and counselling don’t deny them that the sooner the better!

NRTFT but I’m struggling to work out if this comment is serious. White people haven’t suffered centuries of racism, bigotry and prejudice so a picture of a white boy with his name on it is a whole different thing to a picture of a black boy with his name on it. How can you not see that?