Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

OP yes you should report it

and you should not be fearful about naming and being proud of the part of the world you come from, I have travelled extensively in Southern Africa, and its a beautiful place full of wonderful people - some of the countries have had some bad political management over the years, but er.. so have we!!! politicians are politicians the world over!

Our school has said that they want to know of ANY safe guarding concerns as soon as possible. This includes social media content.

But how do they deal with it beyond draw it to the parent's attention. Which might not be a bad start.

Perhaps they put the whole group into detention (many disapprove of group punishments, I do as well) and exclude those who actually sent the unacceptable/appalling/bullying posts?

Perhaps it is easier than I thought. Until you remember there are over 900 posts on this one group alone. Well that would only be a couple of hours work assuming the kids co-operate and admit they sent the messages, assuming that they did. Is it easy to set up fake accounts? Can accounts be hacked? Can phones be borrowed? Do 11 year olds do that?

You REALLY don't need to quote the whole of the opening post. We have all read it. Why do people do that?

Karen was not used in the UK in its original context. It was misogynist, ageist and classist. The name Karen is not a "rich white woman" name in the UK.

It had been in use in the UK for a couple of years before it's US root was learned here, giving those who used it a convenient shield to hide behind.

You cannot draw parallels between toxic masculinity and so called femininity. Femininity is as much a patriarchal idea as masculinity. Both serve to keep men on top and women as the underclass. Globally. If "toxic femininity" is a thing, it is done to women. It sure ain't women recognising the abusive patterns of their oppressor.

Oh they're so much more tech savvy than you can imagine. My oldest DS had built his own PC and was in the throws of learning how to code when he was 12 and the younger started earlier because of his brothers help so 11 year olds and phones are a piece of cake really.

But schools have always had a duty to deal with bullying, and so much of it goes on on social media. So they have to, really.
At my Dds school they have don’t have so social media stuff to deal with as they have banned phones completely on school grounds. No hmk via apps and phones. It reduces the issues on social media a lot. Not completely, but a lot, and it is certainly no longer school responsibility.

At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged .

Use of the term "Karen". Also an insult. Please stop. 🙄

Yes I think she's probably got the message by now, maybe people could stop piling in

@UpsideLeft What a load of rubbish. Her DS has already been racially bullied, and how are the kids going to find out it was her who's reported it? But let's just ignore it, because 11 year old girls talking about being good at oral is completely normal? I'm glad most people on this thread take this sort of thing seriously.

Definitely report. It’s not the schools job to police it. But they can make parents aware (sure these parents aren’t aware of exactly what’s on the group chat). Our school sent an email round saying that a big group chat had been created and 10-11 year olds in it. Our children weren’t in it but it made us go and check x x

OP please please report to your school.

Children do need to "survive" school however that does not entail adults abandoning them to a system where children abuse and bully each other with impunity. Report for the sake of your child AND for the sake of those whose upbringing is going so badly wrong that they racially abuse. And young girls behaving in a prematurely sexual manner is a potential red flag for safeguarding too.

Children in "rough" schools deserve safety and safeguarding as much as any other child.

If it is a good school, it will thank you and know how to handle this correctly and ensure your child isn't bullied as a result. If it doesn't, you should consider reporting to Ofsted and also leaving. Also don't assume that bullying is an inevitable result. Remember the behaviour of the other children is a communication that something is wrong in their lives. Often children are grateful for boundaries; there's a reason those very strict secondary schools often report high levels of pupil happiness: they feel safe.

I say all this from having experienced this at both primary and secondary, with good outcomes from reporting.

Why wouldn't you want to report bullying to the school? I note the use of the word tattle-tale in one of your earlier posts which makes you sound immature. It absolutely should be reported to the school. They need to be aware of it along with other safeguarding concerns within this group.

Unlike you, I believe that women are real and have agency and they are not the creation of the Patriarchy. Not all of those women are perfect. Some of those imperfections are shared.

If all our language is the creation of the patriarchy, as you imply, I can only use patriachial language to describe anything, including women.

But what of a gay man. The Patriarchy subjected him to awful prejudice and horrific and dehumanising punishment. Are gay men part of the Patriarchy.

Men, including white men, have been enslaved throughout history. Are they the Patriarchy?

What of weak, stupid, inadequate men? The Patriarchy exploited them. Sending them down mines, out to sea and off to war? Are those inadequate men the Patriarchy?

Before the first women were given the vote in 1918 half of British men didn't have the vote. Were those disenfranchised 50% the Patriarchy?

But to return to Karen. I confess I didn't know that the term was coined in Britain. But we do share our language with Americans. We can't just ignore what words mean to them. The term Karen is now being used to describe men, which arguably empowers women and removes the misogyny.

The one thing I wrote/implied that you don't seem to disagree with is that women complain/ make a fuss more than men. That really is the heart of the issue.

Sorry to have derailed your thread OP, but I share responsibility with the people who complained/ made a fuss about your language. If only we had a non-sexist word to describe them.

Don’t do this. Awful advice!

I would make school aware if there is racist abuse.

How some people are skipping over the fact there was an image with a girls mouth open suggesting she’s good at oral, over using the term Karen is beyond me 🤯

It’s just a ridiculous saying, who cares? There are more things to worry about here like a boy who’s been subject to racism.

Yes OP definitely report it, a message will probably get sent round to the parents to inform them all to check their child’s phone, and mentioned in assembly or tutor groups etc.

Sadly, it probably happens in every single secondary school so it isn’t likely to go away, but at least now you know to be aware of it before your son sees anything.

I used the term tattle-tale in context of 11 year old school boys. That, because they are immature/ 11 years old, is how many would interpret the MN desire to report.

That is the world that the OP's son has to live in.

Unlike most posters on this thread I have actively considered the child. Who despite being a boy, is still entitled to our consideration and protection. I don't think that is too immature.

I dont think you can ask the school to police everything in Whats App groups unless its specifically to do with bullying (in which case I definately would report everything).

We have a rule of only Whats App groups with my childs close friendship group (so less than 15 friends across a few groups - secondary school). Ive taken my child out of any large groups without close friends/kids from other schools. I saw one Whats app group of Year 7’s where the language was disgusting - grateful my child has a very nice friendship group.

Year 6?! I don't want to believe this. Mine goes to Catholic school and is still shocked when anyone so much as says a mild swear word. His friends are similar. I guess they are really sheltered or are in for a very rough ride when moving to secondary...

Dont allow them in the big groups, just make a rule of only close friendship groups on Whats App. Its worked well for us so far and learnt quickly to ban large groups.

All the kids communicate on Whats App at secondary, everything is arranged on there (meeting up with friends, parties, even asking homework questions!) so im happy to have it, just not the groups with hundreds of randoms.

This is vile. Report definitely.

We had an incident regarding WhatsApp in the school I worked at and it was squashed immediately, parents and school worked together.

Cyber bullying is a huge issue. Bullies say what they want and feel they can get away with it.

Report. Schools need to know so they can help educate. Education is tge answer. Silence is not.

It is possible to have a smartphone without the drama and bullying. My 11 year old has a smartphone and finds it useful for checking his timetable and uploading homework on the satchel app, checking bus times on the TFL app as well the odd game etc. However he does not have WhatsApp or any social media apps. He has YouTube but that has the parental restrictions applied so he shouldn’t see anything inappropriate. If he wants to contact his friends he can text or call them. He doesn’t seem to think he’s missing out.

Parents...you need to monitor your kids phone use!!!

As if!
The majority of parents at our leafy primary very middle class school do not give a fuck about what their 8, 9, 10 and 11 year olds are doing on What's App and other mobile apps.

They don't check the messages, Theydon't talk to their kids about smart phone content. It's a huge parenting fail. Strange.