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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

252 replies

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

OP posts:
Kazls · 12/03/2024 14:17

Your mum is being unreasonable and acting like a child. It is not your sisters gym etc to let her use so she needs to grow up . She could jeopardise your sisters job .

Pickles2306 · 12/03/2024 15:03

Your Mum's being VERY silly and coming across as VERY entitled! It'd be tragic if her behaviour was to jeopardise your sister's job!

Underestimated4 · 12/03/2024 15:11

Your Mum is so in the wrong here. Entitled to say the least.

Mary28 · 12/03/2024 15:11

Sorry but your mum sounds nutso. Is this normal behaviour for her?
I'm being 100% genuine here but maybe she needs HRT or if this is outside her normal reaction I'd be keeping an eye on her. It seems very unreasonable behaviour to me and I'm wondering if it's a sign of something if it's not normal for her.
Your poor sister must be a bit mortified. I think her bosses sound incredibly nice.

Livingtothefull · 12/03/2024 15:12

Another one agreeing that your mum is entirely in the wrong here. If I were your sister I would be furious and very upset, and never invite her back as she can't behave.

Jaybail · 12/03/2024 15:24

Your sister isn't letting another adult dictate her life. The employer is dictating who can use her property! Would your mum like it if someone came to her home expressing rights over her house?

LinaLouLa · 12/03/2024 15:28

Your mum is extremely out of order here. Your sister's boss sounds lovely and that they have a great working relationship and your mum could have completely ruined that. And to now be nasty to your sister is not on (nor is it normal).
I'd never invite her over again if I were your sister.

Bamboobzled · 12/03/2024 15:29

This can't be real?!

rooftopbird · 12/03/2024 15:35

Your mother is totally out of order. Is she trying to get your sister sacked?

She's certainly embarrassed herself in front of your sisters employers who sound perfectly lovely.

I hope your sister is ok and it hasn't affected her job.

Newestname002 · 12/03/2024 15:45

@EmsHugs

Thank goodness your sister's employers are generous of spirit as well as other ways or your mother could have jeopardised her fabulous job and working conditions.

Your sister should now be very clear your mother can no longer visit her at her employers' property because there's no guarantee she won't behave the same again - and there's no guarantee the employers will be as understanding another time. Is she, perhaps, jealous of how well your sister is doing and wanted to sabotage her? 🌹

TheFancyPoet · 12/03/2024 16:02

This is so utterly disrespectful and playing with fire really on your mothers behalf. List again please all the free perks you sister enjoys and is paid on top of that and how easily can she loses this just because of your mother's behaviour

TheMixedGirl · 12/03/2024 16:15

This post has made me cringe. How awful for your sister. Appalling behaviour from your mother.

Swanfeet · 12/03/2024 16:16

Your mum sounds thoroughly unpleasant. Your poor sister

Pootle23 · 12/03/2024 16:20

I really feel for your sister, your Mum has put her in an embarrassing position.

I wouldn’t invite the Mum to stay ever again.

zingally · 12/03/2024 16:30

Your mums behaviour is bizarre and very rude.

As grand and rich as the family clearly are, that's their HOME. Of course they get to say who uses their facilities and when.

fleurneige · 12/03/2024 16:34

zingally · 12/03/2024 16:30

Your mums behaviour is bizarre and very rude.

As grand and rich as the family clearly are, that's their HOME. Of course they get to say who uses their facilities and when.

Exactly- the use of the pool and sauna is an obvious bonus and not part of the contract. If they occasionally say that they are out of bounds (as they have a family day or friends over, or whatever) they are totally within their rights.

Your mum behaved abominably and even put your job at risk. A VERY stern word is due and clear indication that if she pulls another one like this, she will not be welcome again, ever. WOW!

OhYeahOhYeah · 12/03/2024 16:39

EmsHugs · 11/03/2024 20:46

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

Wow, sounds like your sisters boss is very generous indeed.

However your Mum sounds like a petulant child! Completely unreasonable behaviour on her part. If I was the boss, I think I’d be vetoing your Mum staying again!

You and your sister are not being unreasonable. Your Mum needs setting straight!

femfemlicious · 12/03/2024 17:06

Your sister is really lucky to have an amazing job and your mum is going to ruin it for her!

rb124 · 12/03/2024 17:09

Sorry, but your Mum is being unreasonable by demanding unlimited use of someone else's pool etc., especially after she's essentially had an all expenses paid weekend break!

listsandbudgets · 12/03/2024 17:10

Your poor sister. Her boss sounds more than generous - your mum has behaved appallingly. Did she think she was signing up for some kind of free spa weekend ?

LookItsMeAgain · 12/03/2024 17:44

owlsinthedaylight · 11/03/2024 20:48

Your mum is a CF

First post nails it!

LookItsMeAgain · 12/03/2024 17:59

If I were your sister, I'd give it a few days and then contact CF Mother again...this time saying that my boss has had an opportunity to review the situation again and they have decided that NONE of guests that stay with sister are permitted to use the gym and that boss is giving strong thought to sister being allowed have guests stay on the grounds again. Make out that it was entirely down to CF Mother approaching boss directly especially after the situation was laid out really clearly regarding access to the gym so the whole situation could have and should have been avoided.

See if she squirms. If she doesn't flinch, then there is no hope and I'd come straight out and say that she isn't allowed to stay on the grounds ever because of her conduct, so if she wants a holiday, she'll have to cough up for one, food and all.

Flamingos89 · 12/03/2024 18:19

What amazing employers! Don’t let your mum go again and get your sister sacked!

Stormbornform · 12/03/2024 18:22

Yup. Your Mum shouldn't be getting an invite there again and your sister probably needs to apologise on her behalf.

Elphamouche · 12/03/2024 19:04

Your mum is a twat.

Your sister sounds like she’s got a great employer there!

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