Boss wouldn't let my mum go to gym

[EmsHugs]

So my sister is a live in nanny to a very wealthy family. She has done this for over a year and loves it. The family treat her well, pay her well and she has her own 2 bed cottage on their estate. My mum went to stay with my sister this week and the shit hit the fan over my sister's boss not letting my mum use her gym and pool on Mother's day. My sister and I both think my mum is being utterly unreasonable in her reaction but would love to know others thoughts.

Background. My sister works in a very rural area. Her employers are more than happy for her to have people to stay with her but just ask that she lets them know in advance. My sister stays here rent and bill free as part of her package. Being Mother's day weekend, she had the weekend off and my mum chose to go visit. It is a very rural location so my sister's boss asked what food she would like for her and my mum (a weekly food order also paid for by employer). She also gave my sister a bottle of champagne to enjoy with my mum. Essentially my sister's boss also paid for mum's food for weekend. Anyway while my sister is free to wander around the private gardens, gym, swimming pool etc and use as she wants on her time off, Her boss has said when she has guests to stay she prefers to agree a time for my sister and her guest to use the gym/pool for both her privacy and my sister and guest. This seems to have been fine and the arrangement worked on the Saturday but on the Sunday my sister's boss asked my sister not to use either the gym or pool, sauna and to not come across to the house as she wanted the place to her and the family. My sister was fine with this but my mum seems to have hit the roof, as she was looking forward to a swim and sauna. She apparently kept badgering my sister to text her boss to arrange a time as she didn't think she would be using it all day and it was unfair to change the agreed plan last minute. When my sister refused she threw a strop. Her boss later text her and said that she was sorry she couldn't accommodate my mum but her own parents were visiting and she wanted it to be free all day because she didn't know when her mum and dad would be using it. It turns out my mum had just gone straight to the house and asked. My sister had a go at my mum, as she said her emplyer was already being nice letting her nad mum use her facilities but mum did not see it that way in the slightest. My mum is now telling my sister she is a mug and is being really horrible about the family she works for and that my sister is pathetic for being such a walkover and letting another adult dictate her life.
She phoned me thinking I would take her side but personally I feel my sister's boss is very generous to my sister and was very accommodating to my sister's guest.

Would be curious to know what others think.

I think your sister should buy a card to give to her employer thanking her for everything and saying she was really grateful for the opportunity to spend time with her mum during the weekend. Then I'd let it rest.

@EmsHugs It isn’t your call as to how the employers will feel if it ends up in the DM. And this is your sisters story, not yours to share.

Holiday destinations, mention of their employment conditions (time and a half), that their nanny’s Mum called them nouveau riche etc.

It’s perfectly obvious that your Mum’s behaviour was outrageous, you don’t need a thread to prove it, discuss your sisters job on a public forum and are resisting taking it down?

What’s going on?

Your mum is a CF and sounds very entitled - employers house , employers rules. I feel very sorry for your sister.

Your Mum is being an utter twat here!

Your mum is a loon, no way on earth my mum would just walk up to my employers house and request to use the facilities after already having been told no 😂

Your Mum’s demands and your posting of it here could cost your sister her job (a good job where she enjoys a good relationship with her employers and many benefits).

I’d ask for this thread to be taken down before it appears in the DM!

I feel bad for your sister but realistically ... why would anybody invite their mother to their employers free rent cottage/ house where your allowed to use the pool & sauna on mothers day if neither of them had prior permission to use said pool & sauna on mothers day ??????????

Was there anything else planned for the day like to take the mum out or just stay in until the day was over ?

It sounds like a really crap plan for both of them
To be honest & really thoughtless on your sisters part to agree to the visit & not wait until another weekend if your mum was insisting on it....

BUT the employer sounds lovely otherwise & probably should have boundrys in place to stop this sort of thing from happening

feel bad for your sister but realistically ... why would anybody invite their mother to their employers free rent cottage/ house where your allowed to use the pool & sauna on mothers day if neither of them had prior permission to use said pool & sauna on Mother’s Day

that was not the plan, I think you’ve misread. That was the mothers desire, plan in her own head, the sister never invited her for that purpose.

Your mum is being a massive twat.

Your mum is bang our of order, and selfish as she could have jepardised your sister job.
Encourage your sister to write and apology card to her employers (who seem very good to her) letting them know this won't happen again as DM won't be staying there again..
It sounds like a fantastic job so worth a formal apology.

She should NEVER all ow DM to visit there in future.

But if the sister agreed to the weekend - over mothers day - she should have had plans in place with her mother if they didnt have permission to use it or refuse to have her other that weekend

100% the mother shouldn't have addressed the family who were also celebrating at home but what was the alternative ? To just sit around in an outhouse until the day was over ?

Nobody had good boundrys here except the family just because 1 couldn't stop the other.

Your mum was way out of order. She has put your sister in a very awkward position and could’ve lost her her job!
if I was the employer I’d ban your mother from ever visiting
in fact if I was your sister I’d ban your mum from ever visiting!

Your mum sounds as if she has no idea of boundaries. Unpleasant and embarrassing.

Are you the mum?

This should be your sister's plan of action.

My mother tried to do the same thing years ago

My brother worked at a well known supermarket and had two discount cards

He kept one and gave the other to his wife's mother

My mother walked in,did her full shop and tried the 'I deserve the discount,I'm x's mum'

She didn't get it and my brother got a bollocking

She really couldn't see what she'd done wrong-she is x's mum so deserved her 10% off

The fact he hadn't thought to give her the card,went right over her head

I work in retail-we get two meals for the price of one (or one half price)

I cannot count on both hands the amount of times people have come in and tried the 'oh,I'm Sharon's friend,I want the discount'

Thankfully I just get 'someone came in and tried to get cheap food under your name' rather than yelled at as it happens to others too

Unless I'm with them,they have no chance and it's bloody embarrassing

Those people and ops mum are cfs

Your mum is def being vvvv unreasonable but if I were your sister, and assuming I got along with my mum, instead of having my mum visit and be limited in terms of facilities I would've booked my mun somewhere nice instead

Okg your mum is being totally unreasonable. It’s their home and they are already being really generous to your sister. I can’t believe your mum to be honest! If I was your sister I’d never have your mum to stay again.

Your mum is a lunatic. This is someone’s home, not a hotel. If she wanted a swim & sauna make other arrangements.

Your mum sounds like an absolute nightmare.

I really feel for your sister, your mother has put her in a dreadful situation.

My parents are very wealthy with multiple luxury homes here and overseas. They no longer offer these generous allowances to staff (use of pool, use of gym, dance studios, guests over etc). They used to previously, but once someone overstepped the line and abused the privilege so ultimately the privilege was removed for every member of staff in order to protect us and our privacy. Now only very close staff such as Managers and EAs receive these benefits. Replaceable household staff such as housekeepers, groundskeepers etc don’t. Which is a shame.

I really hope your sister doesn’t lose her job over this. Sadly your mother appears to be a liability that any high net worth individual wouldn’t want near them, their family or on their property.

I 'just stayed in' with my Mum on Sunday - we had a cuppa and then shared a bottle of wine on the sofa and had a good catch up.

We enjoy each other's company and time is more valuable than any gift. It's not a crap day at all, if that was the plan.

Thank goodness your sister's boss was understanding - I've worked with those kinds of families in my previous profession, and I'd have been fired by the vast majority of them for bringing that kind of trouble!

Dunno why, but this thread reminds me of the movie "Parasite" 🤣

I agree with this. Id also recognise this if I was a friend or family member of the boss.

Most “ very wealthy “ people who live in “ very rural “ areas value their privacy. I know you are mostly posting about your mum but you have also given information about the boss. If it were me, I would be very cross and think that it was a breach of confidentiality by my nanny. No doubt she has a social medial clause in her contact, which you might have breached.

What will you do if this gets picked up by the tabloids ? They do this frequently on MN.

If your sister values her job you should ask MN right now to delete this thread.