Background:
Split with ExH due to his violence towards both me and DD when DD was 2.5 in 2017 - this was reported to the police multiple times. We went through court back then and ExH was awarded 1 overnight midweek and EOWend for 2 nights (so 4 nights in 14). Plus Boxing Day to 28th and 3 extra days during the summer (worked out at 30-32 overnights a year).
After covid ExH never picked up the weeknight overnight, so saw DD for 2 days in 14.
Since then DD has begged to see ExH more. I’ve offered the weeknight back, offered to change it to another night – although she does activities some nights that she wouldn’t give up but we could work round them, offered to have DD for childcare purposes until he finishes work then drop her off with him at home/work (he lives a 2-minute walk from his workplace) but always got told no thanks, but he would have every weekend.
I was reluctant to do every weekend, I feel like I hardly see DD in the week during term time due to work meaning she’s in childcare until 5pm some nights, other nights her having activities she wanted to be in. Literally I would see her most nights for 30-60 mins apart from the night ExH was supposed to have her which I kept free and EO Friday.
ExH kept asking for every weekend and threatened to take me back to court if I didn’t give in. I told him to go ahead, not expecting them to give him every weekend given I’d offered plenty of alternatives.
But I was wrong. They spoke to DD whose now 9 very nearly 10 and she said she wanted to see her dad more.
I offered everything again for the weeknight but ExH held the line and said every weekend. We both had solicitors and my solicitor was telling me his solicitor was advising him not to push for every weekend as it’s unfair. In the end I offered 1 night every weekend, Friday – Saturday 1 week, Saturday to Sunday the next but changing contact if there was special days such as Mothers Day or her birthday.
ExH said he wanted his 4 nights in 14 and would just not return her until Sunday on the week he has Friday night.
So, he was given every weekend because he bullied his way to it – Friday to Sunday 1 week, Saturday to Sunday the next so I never get a weekend with her and he’s got almost what he wants with 3 nights in 14. He gave no explanation as to why he won’t have her in the week, despite my solicitor questioning it- but basically, he doesn’t want to actually parent her I don’t think, he didn’t want to take her to school as it meant no lie in, no pushing her on his parents (who have her on his weekends so he gets a “break”).
I am gutted, I have plans for weekends coming up, she’ll never have another birthday party because her dad won’t let me arrange it for his weekends, she’ll never be able to go to another birthday party of a friend as her dad won’t take her, she’ll never see me on her birthday if it falls on a weekend, she’ll never see me on Mother’s Day as we already had issues if they fell on his weekends with him “forgetting” when they were (and then posting photos on Social Media of her with his mum and grandmother for Mothers Day). She won’t be able to do camps with Brownies as he won’t let her on his weekends, she won’t be able to ever go on holiday with me again as I usually book Saturday to Friday or Friday to Thursday so we get 5/6 nights and can’t do longer due to contact.
I want to appeal, but I don’t know if I can, or even if it’ll make a difference. I just feel so angry. I do all the school runs, I do all the medical appointments (and there’s a few due to a medical issue DD has), I do all the haircuts, all parents evenings, all school concerts, all sports days because he can’t organise himself and yet he gets all the fun.
I have never in almost 7 years cancelled contact unless she’s been properly throwing up unwell – slight cold, sore throat, poor nights sleep she goes. ExH has cancelled multiple times because “my mums not feeling up to seeing her” “My parents are on holiday” etc.
I think this is just a rant, not sure if I will appeal or if I even can. But I feel hard done by.