Did you take weeks off work when your 70-something parent was diagnosed with cancer?

[LindorDoubleChoc]

Just that. Oh, and if you did, were you paid and was your job kept open for your return?

It would come under compassionate leave. Most employers do offer this. It depends on your contract. I personally wouldn't take 'weeks' off work, but would take half days, or a day or so a week, basically if I needed to take them to an appointment. I would hope the burden would be shared among other family members too. If the person is based in another country or something then I guess you might need weeks.
I would say any reasonable employer would either pay them at least a bit, or just let them stop working for however long with no pay and then come back. I'm not sure legally/ HR wise what the situation is though.

No I didnt.

Did you?

It’s compassionate leave but has to be set against what might be expected if it was a child with cancer. A parent has other support mechanisms, usually. Also many weeks is OTT in my view. As and when more sensible.

No I didn't.

No. Didn't take any time off at all

No. Or when My dad died.
Some people will really struggle though and be able to risk their job with a lot of time off.

No. Nor did I take weeks off work when I was diagnosed.

I had two days off for surgery, 2 days asleep with each chemo treatment and a morning off for each radiotherapy 'zap'. I was lucky that I didn't suffer from nausea and I found it much easier to keep busy.

But everyone reacts differently. Your parent will certainly need someone with them for a few days after chemo, to make sure they are ok. I found it affected my reaction times when driving, and I kept dropping things. . It also depends how frail they are and how in need of reassurance.

I think you need to book a couple of days off to start with, and see how it goes.

My employer was supportive on both occasions.

No

But my mum looked after my dad (he had cancer) and I was four hours drive away.

If they were on their own and I lived close I might need to do more care. My dad needed an awful lot of care.

Most companies offer some level of compassionate leave or unpaid leave.

Is this a dig at the Royal Family?

Weeks? No. I attended doctors appointments from time to time. I was senior enough and had been working for the company for a long time at this point so no formal ‘time off’ to do so. When she became really ill I took carers leave (had a supporting letter from her oncologist) then after a couple of weeks or so she died, I took the standard 3 days compassionate leave then went back to work.

My company had a ‘carers leave’ policy whereby you could use your accumulated sick leave to care for a sick family member. With supporting documentation. So yes, paid. But it wouldn’t have been indefinite.

Yes. 3 months. No pay.
It was my dad and I adored him.
He received fuck-all care in the hospital and so had I not been there every day to do his basic care, god only knows what would have become of him.

No, but I wish I had had the option as mum's cancer went undiagnosed for a year due to her gp's incompetence. I got 5 days in hospital with her, but she wasn't really there as heavily sedated before she died.

I'm feeling raw today, sorry. First mother's day without her was really hard.

Are you referring to Zoe Ball?

Zoe Ball?

Surely the question should be, if you had a job that allowed you to do the above, would you take them up on the offer?

We should be aiming for better for everyone, not racing to the bottom.

Why not just come out and say what you are referring to rather than have a snidey dig.

Zoe Ball?

Surely the question should be, if you had a job that allowed you to do the above, would you take them up on the offer?

We should be aiming for better for everyone, not racing to the bottom
Correct!!!

I'm not a working royal nor are either of my parents. Most people are well retired by the time they get to the Kings age. William has a young family and a wife who is unwell. He may well be more susceptible to catching all the kids school germs due to stress.

It's so tricky as it will be different for everyone. I had a few days off when one of my parents was ill and dying but I also knew I needed the regularly and normality of work to keep my mental health ok so I worked some days when I could have stayed off. Not many people seemed to understand this and I didn't have the energy to justify my decision. I was just trying to keep going when I knew my life was radically changing for ever and it was time to say goodbye. I think this should be a personal choice that you decide for yourself and discuss with your employer.

Her parents are older than that. The king is in his 70s and William has had a lot of time off I assumed this was about the royals.

I took 3 weeks off at the start, yes, signed off sick by GP as I had some other things going on at the time and crumbled - he was given 6 weeks from diagnosis. I went back to work, but took a lot of annual leave as he lasted 12 weeks and shared the caring with my family. I was signed off sick for a month when he died - it was 3 weeks between him and dying and his funeral.

Everyone reacts differently.

No. DF who is 78 was diagnosed with Cancer a few years ago. I took no time off work.

It was trateable cancer though, if it had been caught late stage and he had been given weeks to live, I would obviously have taken some time off, but it would be taken from annual leave. I work flexibly, though, which helps in this sort of situations.

I didn't. I changed my working pattern though to give me an extra day each week to spend time with and support them.

I took a week off when my dad passed and a week when my mum passed. I have work colleagues who took months off. Everyone is different

@Wellthisisntgreatreally
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13175067/Zoe-Ball-cancer-mum-estranged-walked-out.html

Her mum is a year younger than the king.

If you're talking about Zoe Ball then I think her mum is probably further along in her cancer journey than what has been told to the media. I know we didn't tell anyone apart from close family how poorly my mum was until her final weeks because she didn't want anybody knowing.

My parents are thankfully still healthy but I have been through cancer treatment myself.

If the parent is having chemotherapy then they will need A LOT of support. This isn't something that can be provided by paid carers popping in 3 times a day to see to basic needs. I would expect the caring to be shared between all the sick person's able-bodied family members and friends but if there was an only-child and no one else to help then weeks off work might well be necessary. In most families though the necessary support would be feasible with each person just taking say an extra 3 days per fortnight which I would generally expect to be given as compassionate leave. Whether or not that is paid would be according to company policy.

Employers do have some duty of care to their employees but it would be very unusual for someone to get weeks of additional leave at full pay. Compassionate Leave policies usually have a set (small) number of days automatically granted at full pay with further leave subject to line-manager's discretion and unpaid.

Subject to discretion means they can ask the employee to either do their job or resign so that someone available can be recruited instead. Whilst harsh, the company does need the job to be done by someone. If the company can manage without someone for months the position should probably be made redundant.

No but if I could have I would have. Why wouldn’t you put your family before work if you could?