Did you take weeks off work when your 70-something parent was diagnosed with cancer?

[LindorDoubleChoc]

Just that. Oh, and if you did, were you paid and was your job kept open for your return?

It's a meaningless question because everyone's circumstances will be different. For example, whether someone would want/need to take a long period of leave would depend on:

• Whether the parent needed physical care or supervision
• What other care options were/weren't available
• Whether there were other family members around
• How the situation was affecting the worker's mental health
• Whether the parent's legal/financial affairs were in order in preparation for their death or whether support was needed
• Whether the parent had capacity to make their own decisions about their treatment
• What the employer's flexible working / compassionate leave / carer's leave policy is like
• A million and one other things

Whether or not you took time off yourself is completely irrelevant to other people's needs.

This is exactly what my work would do- recently gone through it with a colleague, he worked part time some weeks more than others, we worked togetehr a plan, prioritized the urgent items etc and took each week at a time. Sometimes we would log in, in the morning and see that he had worked since 1am and done a load of things, he said after he couldn't sleep and work distracted him - the poor thing. Work didn't slip or build up too much and he was greatly appreciative of it when back. However saying that i know that not all workplaces are same as mine nor have my manger ( i think as may manager also had been through it was more understanding) so i know doesn't apply to all companies and that some are quite harsh in dealing with situations like this

We , quite rightly dont know thre circumstances of whoever the op was having a dig at. Presumably it's Zoe Ball. She could be taking up paid leave she could be having compassionate leave, who knows.
I work for a local authority. I would be able to take unpaid leave or a career break if I needed to.

I think these type of posts, with no one named specifically are just designed to stir the pot!

I presume this is due to a colleague or subordinate taking 'too much' time off work.

If so, mind your own business and leave things to HR.

No, neither of us did, but it wasn't a logistical option for us and it wasn't needed (yet) either.

If someone else can afford time off, has a supportive employer and/or needs to provide care then I think it's great that they can do that.

When Fil was diagnosed we all fell apart tbh. My dad was horrendous. I wouldn’t have been able to work. Luckily I was retired and was able to help. He was abroad and dh my siblings & spouses all came abroad regularly. Work had to suck it up.

What a nasty judgemental thread.

My friend did. She did some work but just kept things ticking along, must have been about 3 months.

I took some time off to care for my mum, she had dementia, before she went into a home, probably 6 weeks.

Yes I did.

No I didn't.

My dm had cancer and I'd take odd days off when she needed me to take her to appointments but I'm freelance anyway.

I didn't feel I needed to be with her 24/7.

No. My mum was his main carer and they had support from macmillan etc so I wasn’t needed during my working hours. They did understand when I needed to step out early occasionally.

My halfsister did take weeks off but she barely came to the house. She spent most of it having coffee and lunches with her mum and friends.

I didn’t but would have if the opportunity had been there.

In the 6 weeks between my Dad being diagnosed and passing away I was fit for nothing, to be honest.

It was the most devastating time of my life but I was in a temporary, very well paid role after a long period of being out of work and the option just wasn’t there.

Had I still been with a previous long term employer I would have probably have got a sick line as I was in no state to go to work.

I couldn’t judge or criticise anyone who does it, having to function around that time for me was a nightmare and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

No, I take occasional days off either annual or compassionate leave to take him for appointments and treatment.

I didn't, but i needed to keep myself busy, for my mental health.

My dad (widower) lived eight weeks after cancer diagnosis. Had fabulous care from GP surgery including daily home visits from advanced nurse practitioner and personal carers from council. I moved in with my eight year old and did nights and my sister did days so he had family support at all times. I carried in going to work every day, needed it to escape the strain. He was not suffering and had a pretty good death. Only had two days where I couldn’t cope as I was upset when he fell and I couldn’t get him up alone. My employer was very sympathetic and offered some paid leave but honestly felt better trying to be normal.

I don’t know how people cope with this longer term - we appreciated the time with dad but it was awful waiting for the inevitable axe to fall.

Hang on, is this some sort of a bitchy attack on someone?

Everyone’s circumstances are different - if you have a job that allows leave then it’s fine to take it. Some people take sick leave due to the stress.
Public figures often have more resources and better options for paid care and for time off work.
It would be good if those on minimum wage jobs had more support at stressful times ; the state certainly expects families to step up.

I think so.

I like how op put in the rough age as well as if we aren't supposed to care if someone we love has cancer after the age of 65.

I got no time off at all. I was a single parent working in early years. Could not afford leave. The day dad died my boss let me have the afternoon off to go see him, and a day for the funeral as a holiday day.

tgats it.

i feel guilty always, but had to out food in the table. I hope he understood, he said he did and i hope he knows how much I love and miss him.

My Mum died more than 5 years after her diagnosis. Everyone is different.

You can't generalise or pass judgement based on someone else's circumstances or actions.

I went one further. I was nursing in the hospital,where my DM, 64,was pronounced terminal. We had a GP unit, she went back and forth to see him for 2 years,he did no tests, nothing. Inspite of the fact,her brother died at 35, and her aunt from bowel cancer. He delivered me! She trusted him. I told them where to stick their job, and returned to secretarial work. When my late F was dying of cancer of the oesophagus ,I was working nights (back nursing,) I drove to his house 80 miles round trip,to look after him, while his 3rd wife went back to look after her mother in her late 90s. I had a week off,paid leave when he died.

I assume this post is not about Zoe Ball because Zoe isn't going to be taking weeks and weeks off, she's going to be taking occasional days off at short notice over the next few weeks and months, (which is understandable if you've ever been in that situation), and has had an ongoing temporary stand-in allocated to her role.

She's announcing in advance so that she and Gabby don't have to explain every single time she's missing.

My dad didn’t have cancer, but another life limiting illness. I was his only family member. I took a mix of annual leave, unpaid leave and paid compassionate leave. And there were moments even without a job, there just weren’t enough hours in a day to look after him! So i absolutely understand people taking a few weeks off.

When my ex died I asked for 3 days compassionate leave to help my teens sort out the admin - arranging funeral etc. but was told I could only have one day.
When my DF died, I took annual leave the week before he died and then signed off by the GP with "stress" for two weeks.
When my DH died, I got signed off sick by the GP for around six weeks. It was too much being a full time nurse and doing a full time job.
I worked for the NHS. Carers leave was a maximum of 6 days a year, usually for emergency child care. Compassionate leave was one day for the funeral for close family only. Everyone went sick if they needed more time as we got paid sick pay.

Wanker was a nicer word than I had in my head.

I took days off work to take my mum to appointments and to look after her when she had surgery, but I took this as either annual leave or I juggled my work around her, which I was able to do at that time. I wouldn't have expected any other sort of laid leave.