Did you take weeks off work when your 70-something parent was diagnosed with cancer?

[LindorDoubleChoc]

Just that. Oh, and if you did, were you paid and was your job kept open for your return?

No, I never took any time off at all during the four and a half years between the first diagnosis and my parents death (both my parents had cancer at the same time and they died 5 weeks apart).

However during the last year I used up every annual leave day in taking them to appointments, a half day at a time. I was on flexi time and often went into work at 7.00 a.m. to get as many hours in as possible so that I could take them for their blood tests at 3.00 p.m. without having to take time off.

My immediate boss was very sympathetic, knew that I was doing the best I could and was using all my leave days for hospital visits & appointments but my head of department was unsympathetic and refused to allow me any extra leave when my manager asked on my behalf ("If I give her extra leave, everyone else in the department will want it too")

Looking back, I don't know how I coped, but I'm so glad that I was able to attend every appointment with them, visit them when they were in hospital and I was with them both when they died. (I was given 5 days compassionate leave each time for the last week of their lives)

I worked for the NHS

I hope things work out well for you, OP
💐

This is seriously a post criticising a radio presenter? FFS. Mind your own business. How sad must you be to care that much about who presents a light entertainment show for a while.

Just tell us the situation.

No I still wouldn’t have taken weeks off. Because I planned for the care of my parents, I deliberately didn’t move hours and hours away from home. I worked incredibly hard at my job and built up goodwill with my employers and team so I was able to ask for help if I needed to leave half an hour early to beat the traffic and get to the (inconveniently placed) specialist hospital treating my relative. When I was at work I held myself together and got my job done, then I spent my evenings and weekends helping my parents.

I think if you start granting extended compassionate leave when someone gets a diagnosis you will have people off work ALL the time - why does cancer get special attention? Potentially any upsetting illness for which a relative needs extra care should then enable you to take time off. My aunt, who had no other living relatives locally, broke her shoulder and was in pain and struggling - should I have got six weeks paid off work until she recovered? I don’t think so. Although arguably the need was just as great as my parents during cancer treatment.

Everyone needs a back up plan if they expect to have caring responsibilities. Your alternative is not to care.

Your voting makes no sense, YABU all round.

I went home to help for a week as my dad fell apart. DM had the operation to remove the cancer than I returned to work when she started radio. I lived some distance from them so had to go and live with them for a week. Something they forgotten about now. It was unpaid and I worked for nhs

If your close to an unwell parent who has just been diagnosed and has medical appointments and treatment, and they very much need your support, and your employers value you and are flexible, then yes.

Not a fan of Gabby Roslin then OP?

My workplace was very flexible when my dad came to London from Ireland for radical cancer treatment and allowed me to take days here and there. When the treatment went wrong and he died, and I had to repatriate him as omicron was breaking out, they were super flexible and just told me to come back when I was ready. It depends on the relationship, type of job and level of support needed. If my mum were v ill or dying now I'd go home to look after her as she's frail, lives alone, can't really navigate bureaucracy and can't drive. My dad had a young and capable wife who was more so in charge.

Jesus, there’s some right sanctimonious wankers on this thread.

no, but I did attend appointments with him. Work were very supportive

No, I work for Council. My line manager wouldn't have signed this off.

A colleague got two weeks when her mum died suddenly and unexpectedly, although according to staff contract she should have only have had four days off. It had to be signed off at Chief Exec level. She then took a week off leave.

Are you judging someone who is doing this?

No, I didn't. But I did take time off work some years later when my widowed mother was discharged from hospital recovering from surgery and needed care. Some of it was time off in lieu, some was paid leave that I was due and some was unpaid leave.

Surely the question should be, if you had a job that allowed you to do the above, would you take them up on the offer?

We should be aiming for better for everyone, not racing to the bottom.

That.

I didn't need to take any for my dad, as my mum was alive too care for him. But when my late husband had cancer I took two separate periods of three months off. One when he had his op and chemo, and the other when it became terminal.

My Mum was in her 80's and had terminal pancreatic cancer. I was a teacher. I took compassionate unpaid leave. School got a long term supply in. I had worked at this school for 10 years prior to this point with very little sickness absence. I moved in with my Mum and my sisters did too to care for her and be together. Mum was told she might have 3-4 months left. She had 6 1/2 weeks. I went back to school after 3 months.

No, it didn't cross my mind to. If my employer had offered it I might have taken it, I'm not sure. Work is a good distraction for me when things are happening in my personal life though, so maybe I wouldn't have done.

Not when they were diagnosed. But I was allowed wfh more so I could spend time with them. Once mum stopped eating and had her last day downstairs, I stopped working but that was about ten days before she actually passed. I had a week of carers leave and then used my annual leave, and then bereavement leave from the day she passed.

It depends on what, and who can support the person. Life is not about a job no body ever regrets time not at a job, plenty regret lack of time with loved ones.

Effectively, yes. But it was in lockdown, so the rules meant that I couldn't "juggle." Also, my work load was much lighter because there were lots of things I just couldn't do in lockdown.

I moved in with my parents and lived with them till Dad died. To start off with I was trying to WFH, from my parents home, but for the last few weeks I couldn't. Again, if it hadn't been for lockdown, Dad might have gone into a hospice, rather than us caring for him at home.

I'm really, really glad I did.

It really depends, I think if you have the sort of job that would support it why not.

MIL had cancer last year, my SIL took a lot of time off work and worked around taking her to appointments. DH did as well, but it mostly fell on SIL to do the bulk of appointments as that's what she wanted. She is medically trained and personally knew many of the consultants.

My only job was to make dinners for FIL. But I also had a newborn and SIL understood.

In my own family when my grandmother has cancer we took it in turns to take her to appointments. I was unemployed for a while before Gran died and lived with her for 6 weeks. It was lovely to spend all that time with her. We placed loads of 50p bets online for Cheltenham, she got a great thrill from it

Compassionate leave is at your managers/employers discretion - I've seen people in my workplace be given months off to deal with sick parents, and others only be given a few days. Another route is to be signed off by your GP. My best friend was signed off for six months while her mother was dying.

What an unpleasant OP. If it is about Zoe Ball, why would you think her mum has only just been diagnosed? and I don't think anyone's said she's taking weeks off - she'll be off some days and has been upfront about it to avoid speculation about why I guess.

Yes if I could I would, without second thought or hesitation. My family will always mean more to me than work.

What a nasty thread! Are you jealous of someone whose parent could be dying of cancer, OP?