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Original poster

to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

145 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2024 23:45

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

OP posts:
Mumstheword37 · 10/03/2024 23:52

I think it could definitely work if it’s from the cat being a kitten OP. I have a cat and she has helped my mental health so much.

Beamur · 10/03/2024 23:56

I wouldn't cart a cat about like that.
They are great pets and can be very empathetic. But do remember it's on their terms - not ours.
Would your ex consider also having a cat? So you have a cat at each house?

Branleuse · 10/03/2024 23:56

Cats aren't portable.
If she can't leave the cat for an occasional weekend, and the EOW is non negotiable, then it's a non starter.
Cats are territorial.
I think that another way to get her to connect with animals maybe to help her recovery might be worth exploring

R41nb0wR0se · 10/03/2024 23:57

How far away does her father live? Ten minutes down the road is probably ok, 2 hours less so! A lot of cats strongly dislike travelling, but some quite enjoyable it. I would think that if you get them used to it as a kitten, they're more likely to at least tolerate it.

6pence · 10/03/2024 23:58

I’d say that’s not fair to the cat.

And I don’t agree with indoor cats either.

aband · 10/03/2024 23:59

No what a crazy idea!!!!

Renamed · 10/03/2024 23:59

No. Cats need to have a base, you will get a very neurotic cat if you keep moving it, and that won’t be nice for anyone. Does it have to be a cat?

Ihatemondays1962 · 11/03/2024 00:01

I don't think its fair on the cat either. If your daughter can't accept she has to leave the cat EOW then unfortunately she can't have one.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 11/03/2024 00:01

I don’t think it’s a great idea.

Xmasbaby11 · 11/03/2024 00:03

I don’t think that works for cats. They need their territory and most won’t want to move. You can explain that to your dc.

Just get a kitten for your house I think. We got a kitten and it was the best thing ever for our anxious dd - so playful, cute and entertaining, and she turned into a friendly, cuddly cat. The kitten was for the family not for her specifically but She brings dd so much joy (and us).

Shroedy · 11/03/2024 00:04

Hard no. Cats are very attached to their surroundings. It will stress a cat enormously to be constantly uprooted. This would work for a dog but incredibly unfair to a cat.

AlltheFs · 11/03/2024 00:04

Absolutely not.

And what happens in 5 years time when DD goes to uni? Cats can easily live for 20 years. You clearly aren’t a cat person. This has car crash all over it.

You can’t demand a pet is there for emotional support either.

aband · 11/03/2024 00:04

My dd is also 13. Just tell her the cat stays with you she's old enough. It's not a toy.

NoraLuka · 11/03/2024 00:05

Isn’t it that cats get attached to places, dogs get attached to people? Would she understand that the cat would be unhappy moving around and has to stay in one place? At least she’d have a cat, better than none at all.

Or get 2 cats.

Xmasbaby11 · 11/03/2024 00:06

And don’t get a rescue - you don’t know what they’ve been through. We got a rescue who had apparently had a good home before the owners moved abroad and was suitable for kids. After 4 years she’s still unfriendly and clearly has trust issues. We love her but really no good for kids let alone anxious ones. Hence we eventually got a kitten!

BobbyBiscuits · 11/03/2024 00:06

The cat can get used to being in 2 homes. My friend catsits for her mates who live elsewhere all the time. Once one went walkabout and a neighbour took it to Celia Hammond's, but it was fine and was returned after a day.
It can of course be an indoor cat, so less danger of going off. But she can't keep track of its every move. They can go roaming out for many hours or even days. Cats are independent animals who don't really need that much human input bar food and water. Of course there's the litter tray. Make sure she knows how to scoop the poos and change the tray. But it's doable. And owning a cat is fantastic for MH in my view. She'll never not want one once she has her first.

Keepitweird · 11/03/2024 00:08

This just has NO written all over it for the cat.

They're not toys, they can't just be uplifted one week to the next. It's actually awful you're considering this.

Cats need a home ffs - if you can't give them a permanent one then don't give them one at all

ItsallIeverwanted · 11/03/2024 00:09

My cat moves between homes, but it hates the travelling and does a horrible yowling sound for the whole journey, so we only do it occasionally. I don't think it's possible to move most cats EOW as many take days to settle into another house. I also think cats as support animals are not ideal as they often bond with who they choose which may not be your dd. My cat is most closely bonded with me as I'm in the most and remember to feed it! You can't always control that.

imnottoofussed · 11/03/2024 00:12

Just to point out you can't also guarantee that the cat will even be remotely interested in your dd. They all have individual personalities and you can't really teach them to be affectionate or anything like that.

Out of the 5 cats I've had only one was interested in snuggling up to me beyond their early years. The rest were very independent and one actually only came in for food and never stayed in the house at all.

Ponderingwindow · 11/03/2024 00:13

It could absolutely work if you socialized the cat properly. I’ve known cats that did this.

RogueFemale · 11/03/2024 00:13

@PyongyangKipperbang "So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?"

100% not OK. All cats hate cars, hate going anywhere, find it really stressful. They are attached to their home territory. It would be cruel to move the cat between two houses EOW. Just awful. You'd likely end up with a traumatised cat who pees everywhere and hides most of the time. Not the lovely fluffy companion of a 6 year old's fantasy, - cats are not portable soft toys.

In addition, many would say (and I'm one of them) that keeping cats imprisoned indoors is cruel. If you don't live in an area which is safe for cats - i.e. not near main roads etc - then don't get a cat.

TBH, you don't come across as a responsible potential cat owner. Don't get a cat. Please don't.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 11/03/2024 00:16

I think a cat who stays in your home is fine, but not shipped around every second week. Cats tend to like routine and get stressed by change, and the cat won’t understand what’s going on like a person can.

aband · 11/03/2024 00:18

6?!!!
I'm confused I thought she was 13?

RogueFemale · 11/03/2024 00:19

aband · 11/03/2024 00:18

6?!!!
I'm confused I thought she was 13?

Yes sorry I misread the girl's age.

aband · 11/03/2024 00:20

I do that all the time so wasn't sure.