to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

Please don't get a cat and transport it between houses like it's a toy. I've had cats all my life and all of them have disliked travelling. One of my current cats gets so upset by it she drools, hyperventilates, yowls and normally wees and poos. That's in a 10 minute car journey to the vets where she's never, to my knowledge, had more than a check up.

Also, the court is likely to take a dim view of you if getting a cat impacts on your daughter's time with her father. I'd put some boundaries in place with your DD before getting a cat so she understands that she can't refuse to go to her dad's because of the cat and if you are worried she can't follow them then don't get a cat.

Good luck and I hope your daughter's mental health improves

Er.. two cats.. obviously!

Some cats do travel well but it's hard to tell before you get it. My parents' friends have a cat that goes away with them all the time, even flown, gets walked on a lead.

I disagree with the folks who suggest getting a kitten. If your DD wants support I'm figuring she probably wants a lap cat or a cat that will be ok with cuddles.
If you contact a rescue they don't just get strays they also get cats that are given up because of allergies/owners going to care homes etc.
These cats (disclosure I have one) could be ideal. Fully socialised, personality understood, older ones v happy to snooze on laps and sleep on beds etc.
I think it's ambitious to have a cat that will swap between home. Surely if your DD is ok now in your exH home without a cat then she could continue to be? She will see the cat the majority of the time anyway.
Side note if you do get a kitten and it doesn't go between homes then you have to look after it and they can be quite a handful !

There's a lot could go wrong here: the cat may get to 12 months old and decide it doesn't like your daughter and choose another family member; "my" cats are definitely now my husbands. I am permitted to feed them. I try and try to play or stroke with them and stroke them......he sits down and ignores them and they're all over him for a cuddle and a snooze.

id say one of mine travels fine the other hates it and gets poorly. There was no way of knowing which way it would go when they were young. (Both jet black Rescue kittkens)

if say at 13 your dd is plenty old enough to understand that she needs to put the car forst and leave it at its home when she visits dad. If she grows to hate visiting dad then court again and CAFCASS. They'll listen to her choice now .

There is some absolute crap on this thread.

My known experience is this. My sister grew up with dogs, she adores them. Her now DH is Muslim and as such the conversation about pets got quite heated.

in the end sister settled on a cat. A rag doll to be specific that she had from 8 weeks old. It is lead trained and will quite happily sit in the pub. She has been treated like a dog and acts like a dog as it’s all she’s ever known

Do your research, find the right kitten and living between two homes won’t be an issue.

Definitely not, for all the reasons people have mentioned. Plus agree with the posts saying beware that the cat may not be all that interested in your dd. We've had cats and they've all chosen their favourite person and it was never one of the dc!

If you want a pet that will offer 100% love and devotion to your dc and can be moved between houses with dd - that's a dog.

No I don't think that would be fair on the cat. Can't you both have a cat at each home?

Yes. This.

You’re brave, we have one rag doll who is so ridiculous he doesn’t even move for a hoover. He’d survive for less than a day outside.

We also have a rescue cat who was only homed with us on the condition that he’d be an indoor cat.

I used to think it was cruel to keep them indoors but having had a lot of cats who were outdoor cats and either got hit by cars or went missing I reluctantly gave it a go. These two are happy as Larry, and have survived in good health for much longer than many of our others (as has the local wildlife).

Why can't the cat stay at home with you when dc visits her father. It wouldn't be fair on the cat to travel unless it's literally ten mins. Cars need a base

Cats are very rarely adaptable, they need routine to be happy. As a pp (a vet nurse) stated, disruption to their routine causes stress which can lead to urinary infections. I have 3 cats (2 are brothers adopted together), one of the boys has had 2 flare ups in the last 18 months. It's distressing for him and us, not to mention expensive - the cost of diagnosing FLUTD and ongoing treatment has been ££££.

There is also no guarantee a cat will bond with the DD; cats choose their human not the other way around! Buying a kitten does not change this.

Cats CAN be happy as indoor only cats, but they can also hate it. You won't know until the cat is settled. If they want to be outdoors it can become a full time job keeping them inside - if you're successful, you have a miserable, stressed cat.

@Thisilldo

I wasn't aware Islam prohibited pets in any way?

I have cats who would absolutely love scenario. I also have one who would absolutely hate it and who would genuinely get sick with stress if you tried to make him travel between homes in that way.

You can't predict the personality of a cat - many of them aren't interested in sitting on a lap or being cuddled.

Cats choose their humans Charlie was bought for dc3 ash was bought for dc2 apollo was rescued

Charlie is dc2
Ash is mine
Apollo is dc3
Cats all fuss over dc1 when she comes home

No way. This is a horrible idea. The cat needs a stable territory and freedom to feel secure and to know where to come home to.

They are not dogs. They are not transportable. They do their own thing and occasionally allow you to exist in their kingdom and bring them food.

I think the only way this could work is if you find a cat that already is used to being out and about and not bothered by it but that would be rare.

I think bengals are supposed to be more dog like than cat like.

I disagree with those saying being indoors is cruel - I have two indoor cats and they are very happy and safe.

I hope you can find a way for it to work for your daughter - one of my girls is not super cuddly but if I'm feeling down just being around her or sitting next to her makes me feel better.

This.

OP wants a cat purely to meet their child's needs that's never the right reason. You have to meet the pet's needs and sometimes that will involve saying no to the child and this is one situation.

Cats are territorial, most cats would hate being moved like that.

My parents take their cats between two houses, short distances, and they've done it since kittenhood. Cats are very secure, confident girls, even though they prefer their countryside home.

In fact, I'm sure one of my old boys would have been fine too. We adopted him at 15, and when I brought him home, he strolled around confidently checking out every room. No nervous settling in for him!

Oh, and I did work for a cat shelter, so I'm not novice with cats!

The risky thing is the person-bond. If they are more bonded to you than her, then they might be unhappy leaving you EOW.

Who traumatized the daughter?

I think maybe just see how it goes first because she'll be enjoying the cat at home.

In this circumstance I'd go for an older cat rather than a kitten. It'll be less destructive and the personality is a bit more predictable. It'll also not live as long.

I'd suggest going to a local rescue and meeting their cats. Put your daughter in front of them and choose the one that comes towards her rather than running away.

There are often cats that come through that need an indoor home. Ones missing an eye/limb, or with certain easily manageable conditions. If your DD wants a cat for comfort, maybe choose a cat which needs comfort from her?

Cats like one place; can you ex not get a cat too?

I know of a family who tried to do this and the cat ran away. Didn't really know where it lived.
Cats are territorial and your idea isn't fair on the cat. What IS doable, is having a cat in both hours and your exH's home. They are the easiest animals to look after-so much easier than a pet in a cage. An emotional support animal can be an enormous help to children. I know, as I was that child!