to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

My understanding is that some Muslims are taught to regard dogs as unclean.

Hmm, that very much depends on the cat, lol.

One of mine would find this incredibly distressing to the point that it would make him physically unwell.

I have a cat and she moves between 2 houses every couple of weeks and she stays at my parents house when I go on holiday. I trained her from a young age to be ok in the car. She also goes outside in all places and immediately knows where she is. She is now attached to me rather than a place. It would be preferable that they stay in one place but it is possible to move. It is entirely dependent on the cat though. Some cats wouldn't be happy.

I'm sorry but no, that's not fair on the cat at all, they're territorial, it would probably spend the entire weekend in hiding and terrified. Most don't travel well either and it causes a lot of stress to them.

Do people saying this isn’t possible actually have experience of doing it? I’d guess no! It’s an assumption that cats don’t like this, there’s many cats that travel with their owners and go to different houses and are quite happy. Best bet is to look for a kitten and get it used to doing this early on. Choose a kitten who is sociable and likes people and will bond with your daughter. I don’t think there’s anywhere that supplies ‘therapy cats’ and the ones supplying dogs are usually many thousands of pounds

I've owned multiple cats over the years, all from kittens with one exception.

Only one (out of six) would have actively loved this kind of lifestyle. Two would have absolutely detested it to the point it made them sick. The others would probably have tolerated it up to a point.

You say "there's many cats who do this and are quite happy" but the issue is, you don't know what kind your cat will be until you have it. Even raising it from a kitten is absolutely no guarantee. So, what happens if all the moving makes the cat unwell? What happens if the cat escapes and does a runner and is never seen again because it's in unfamiliar territory?

You have to think about what's fair on the cat, not what the child wants.

I used to have portable cats who moved between homes but I don't think that lifestyle will suit many cats so I'd be very wary

@lifebeginsaftercoffee but how can you say if you’ve never tried it? You need to get them used to it by starting to do it from when you get them. Just like introducing them to anything else. A lot of dogs don’t like cars, walking on lead, poo in the house etc but everyone thinks it’s ok to train them? Obviously there’s the chance the pet won’t like it at which point you’d have to make other arrangements but cats are not quite a fixed as some people think

You can't know a cat will happily move between homes there's just no guarantee.
If she wants a cat this genuinely then agree the cat will need to stay at home. She is old enough to understand rules if she can't agree then no cat.

I had a cat that used to come away with me for weekends without bother. I follow various Insta pages for people who do the same. It is more common than you think.

Bearded dragons make very good pets. They snuggle with you, for warmth more than affection but are very calm and placid. Ours plods around the house for short periods, as long as not to cold, and basks in the sun either on windowsill or in the garden for a while in summer. As long as she had the right set up at both houses, should be ok. Ours travels really well in his little carrier to the vet, etc.
They do eat live food however, loads of info online, YouTube videos and helpful friendly forums just for owners of Bearded Dragons.

We had a cat that went sailing with us. Wasn't phased at all.

I agree that there is great variety in cat breeds. I have friends who breed and show Norwegian Forest Cats who have the most amazing temperaments. Assuming your ex would have the ability and will to keep it safe as his end (assuming indoor cat at both houses?), then I know they have cats that would be perfectly happy with this. That is a big assumption on safety, though.

@PyongyangKipperbang

This can work, we grew up with cats who came on holiday with us to our cottage every weekend and I've worked with film/tv/photo shoot cat models.

I would pick a kitten and a breed known for being particularly relaxed, easy going and on the more 'decorative' end of the 'decorative - total chaos' scale of cat temperament. (Not that it isn't possible with a moggy, but I think in this case its better to stack the odds of this being easy, in your favour as heavily as possible).

Then as long as things like litter type/brand, food etc stay the same and cat is only going between the same two places, and you introduce travel early on (as you would with a dog), it shouldn't be an issue at all.

Cats appear not good at travel or doing things purely because most people do not train or socialise or habituate their cats like they should do with dogs, and the only places they take their cats are to the vets, for something stressful or unpleasant to happen, or to a cattery, ditto. You would see the same distress in dogs if people treated them the same way!

Because I know my cats.

Yes, I could "try" but for whose benefit? Certainly not for theirs, and I'm personally not willing to risk stressing my animals out due to my own selfish wants. I don't think that's good pet ownership.

You can't compare cats not wanting to travel between homes every week with dogs not wanting to walk on a lead or poo in the house. The latter is necessary in a domestic pet, the former absolutely is not.

Cats are also not "domesticated" in the sense that dogs are.

I think that would be quite cruel, to be honest.

Cats don't handle being moved around as well as dogs. If the cat is naturally prone to want to get outside (as many are), even if you force it to be a house cat (again, cruel IMO, especially if it's 'home' changes weekly!) you're taking a big risk of it escaping one or both houses and getting lost.

You're supposed to keep a cat inside for around 6 weeks if you change house. They can't just swap houses and have a sense of where they are.

Aside from that, cats don't travel well. What you're describing sounds like a miserable life for a cat, really. Nice for DD but not good pet ownership at all.

It would be better all round if you both got one, so at least the poor things weren't being moved every few days.

No way. Get a cat at each house if ex agrees.

The only viable option is you tell DD yes to cat but she CANNOT take it with her to her father's house. Tell her it's because it will seriously distress the cat. Tell her what the vet nurse said on this thread. If she actually cares about animals (instead of wanting another fluffy toy), she will accept this. You are creating a problem by saying oh, DD will want to take the cat to Dad's - just say NO.

Further.....

So an issue has come up that means that a cat would be more difficult.

Nothing to do with DD but with my responsibilties to my parents, long standing and have become more of an issue.

As it was, i took on board what a lot of you have said and did some research and we are now discussing Guinea Pigs. My sister had them (a long and happy life) and DD adored them, and she has agreed that they might be a better choice. She is thinking about it. I do appreciate the information given. While the cat would be safe at exH's place, there are too many risks and variables to make me happy about going ahead with the plan of it travelling with her.

I said that I will stand by my original promise if she insists on a cat, but have asked her to do her own research. She came down earlier and suggested a Chincilla. I have a friend who owns one and so came down with a soft no on that!

We shall see.

And when I say a "soft no" I mean a hard no but said in a soft way!

If you want a small intelligent animal to cuddle and hang out with dd I would strongly recommend rats.
They love their owners, sit on your shoulders and are very smart.
They are much more interactive and human focused than piggies.

@PyongyangKipperbang
I said that I will stand by my original promise if she insists on a cat, but have asked her to do her own research.

She's 12 and you're an adult. It isn't DD's decision when it comes to the care and welfare of a cat. She can't 'insist'. You make the decisions.

A very good suggestion, but unlikely to appeal to OP's DD who wants another 'soft toy'.

Rats make excellent pets and males are typically very cuddley (particularly if you buy from a breeder known for cuddly people oriented temperaments).

However... they need huge cages which are not particularly portable, so you'd be looking at setting up a cage in each location and moving the rats between them, which is do-able (and once established in each territory and some scented items left in each between visits, would not be viewed as 'new scary location')... but extremely expensive.

They also need to be in pairs or better yet, groups, which makes them a lot of work as they need out-of-cage roaming time and individual handling each day.

The reality is, an indoor cat (And I do not believe cats should be outdoor unless in a very rural setting with huge spaces between neighbouring properties) or a caged pet will require a lot of work from the adults involved!

I’m so intrigued by the posters who “don’t agree with” indoor cats, because here in the US, indoor cats are extremely common and keeping cats inside is recommended by the American Humane Society. FWIW, my parents have always had indoor cats, and out of the six cats who are no longer with them, five were eighteen or older when they died. The sixth was diabetic and lived to be fourteen.

OP, I wouldn’t get a cat unless it stays at your house and doesn’t go to your ex’s house. Plus, there’s your daughter’s age - does it have to be specifically her cat, or would she be happy with a cat who was considered the family pet?