to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

That seems terribly unsettling for a cat to be ferried between two houses.

I also don't like the idea of a cat being an emotional support. Whilst cats can be affectionate what if you get one that isn't and it's forced to be effectively a toy for your daughter?

@imnottoofussed "Just to point out you can't also guarantee that the cat will even be remotely interested in your dd. They all have individual personalities and you can't really teach them to be affectionate or anything like that."

Yes, agree.

I read 'youngest of 6' and 6 stuck, along with room filled with soft toys...

My cats used to travel to/from Wales/London with us all the time. We kept them inside the first 6/7 times we visited and then they were allowed outside in both locations. They were perfectly fine with it, seemed to enjoy the change.

Vet Nurse here - please do not do this. There are so many reasons why this is not suitable. Cats do not enjoy car journeys in small carriers. For a trip to the vets when it is necessary yes, but on a EOW basis it will be so stressful. Cats do not like change. The amount of cats we see for stress induced cystitis due to the owner redecorating let alone introducing other pets/moving home/having a baby etc is fairly high so to purposely take on a cat who will not be allowed a permanent base is just asking for trouble.
Also I’m a strong believer that you never get a pet for your child, only ever if you want one and can give it the care it needs, for a cat that can be a 15-20 year commitment. Your child will grow up and may leave home for uni or work etc and may not be able to take the cat. You are the responsible adult so you are the care giver not them.
Finally you cannot assure the personality of a kitten and whether they are going to like lots of attention lavished on them. You may get a kitten that grows up to be very aloof and like to spend time on its own or even it may be scared/bitey/aggressive. You have a better chance with a rescue cat who has already grown into its personality but no rescue will agree to adopt out a cat that moves between two homes constantly.
Sorry but it’s a huge no no.

This is a really, really terrible idea. It is a very rare cat that would be able to handle this without experience serious stress and anxiety. Cats are not toys.

Traveling with the cat? No.

Getting a cat? Yes!

If possible I would get two kittens. They are happier together and then more likely for one to be a snuggle bug. 💖

Ds has sn's and one of our kittens ( now 4) is an amazing emotional support. He's so chill nothing fazes him.

I don't think any cat could cope with travelling between two homes and it would be really unfair on them!

Only get a cat if you are committed to it, and best case scenario, get two.

For the cat's sake, your DD must be willing to leave it EOW. Anything else just isn't fair to the cat.

I've no problem with 100% a house cat though. I have three cats, all rescue, one was straying, one was neglected and the 3rd one's person died. They were all used to outdoors. Since coming to us, none of them have shown any desire to go out.

I have to admit I was coming down on the side of "Either the cat or EOW with dad" because I wasnt sure that her transporting the cat with her would work. DD's father is the reason she has such PTSD but sadly I have no choice over EOW. The cat would have a loving home here, so I have to decide between DD having the cat she wants or going back to court.....

I will choose the cat if that is what it takes but fuck, I was rather hoping that the answer would be that we could make it work.

Bugger.

Thanks all.

Animals are adaptable just like children are and if your DD can hack EOW so can a cat. It will be bonded to your daughter more then one place.

I would recommend getting a kitten and not letting it outdoors. This is to maximise its bonding and the support it gives to your DD and it's also for avoiding territorial disputes with other cats.

I must add that my sister has had cats for years and they have always been indoor cats due to the cats (rescues that cannot deal with being outside) so I do not subscribe to the opinion that keeping them in is cruel.

You can make it work, but you NEED to choose a breed that is appropriate for this.

Honestly, in this situation, I would only go for a purebred ragdoll where you can meet the parents.

They are adaptable, loving and indoor only cats.

They musnt go outside as they don't have the survival instincts.

Other breeds I don't think would adjust as well.

But if you start a kitten off and get into the routine, they will be totally fine :)

My old cat loved car journeys! He'd pop his head up every time we stopped and say hello to the world.

But that was pure chance.

Hard no to moving the cat around that much - you’ve thankfully seen that’s not going to be feasible.
As PP have said, what will you do if you get a cat and it has precisely zero interest in your DD? Will that actually be more distressing for her? Any long term cat slave will tell you that they have had “that cat” who only shows up for food and disappears back out/under the bed/onto the lap of the non-cat person. You really can’t guarantee what you’re going to get.

We have an indoor rescue cat and a weekend cottage.
Cat is absolutely fine traveling between both, it is a regular part of his routine and he knows both places.
Not sure it would work with an outdoor cat as well.

I got a rescue kitten. He's 100% indoors only, she has planety of toys at home, 3 large scratches and we spend time with him. He has never tried to run away when the door is left open.

He has been the greatest for our mental health. They are the cutest and adapt very easily. I think your DD can take the cat when she visits dad, he will adapt for sure. The kitten will not care as long as he's with your DD.

In my experience cats are not adaptable. Most of them anyway.

They are territorial and prone to health and behavioural problems when stressed. Cystitis, blocked bladders, overgrooming. They also don’t like travel. It’s very hard to predict the overall personality and adaptability of a cat as a kitten.

I would get the cat, but it stays at home.

Just because your sister is has indoor cats it doesn't make it ok! In 99 percent of cases except with really stupid pedigrees it's cruel

It might work.

We used to book the same holiday cottage (twice a year over 3 or 4 years), to attend a regular event.
We took our cats with us, even letting them outside there, and they appeared to love it. No signs of stress and after the first visit they seemed to remember it and headed to the same chairs to sit in etc.
Don't underestimate a cat 😺

Of course Rag Dolls can go outside. I've had 3 who lived to around 10-12.

To confirm - my cats above were all moggies.

Hmmmm. We’ve moved out cats around a lot and they’ve been fine - they’re currently in their fourth house and they’re three years old. Every 4-6 weeks we drive to my parents 2.5hrs away and they come with us, they love it there which helps (big fields and trees etc). But I guess it depends what kind of cat you get and no one knows that in advance (bit like having a baby!). Ours were moggy kittens, sibling pair, from a rescue and are very attached to us.

I work for a cat welfare charity. Please don't do this. Cats are territorial, and just because other people move them around and keep them indoors does not make it right.
Please reconsider.

My dc got kittens. I would say if you go ahead make sure she does the care for the kittens as much as poss. Especially the feeding. The cats are really bonded to the children.

Oh god no. Totally unfair on the cat.

A dog would be a better choice if you must cart it round like this! Or a rabbit/pair of guinea pigs. Oh oh oh or rats which are like tiny little puppies in terms of their interactivity levels.

Also, if she's 13, what's the plan for the cat in 5 years when she leaves home...?